My friends love scaring the crap out of me
With friends like that who needs enemas?
Can you believe that they are still together after all of the crap they have been through?
I found this beauty last year in the random crap aisle of a store.
What do you call a nun's crap..
Crap joke
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr Dre
My mate works in Dublin hospital’s fracture clinic. The pay's crap....
....but she enjoys the craic.
I took a COVID 19 crap at work.....
People were advised to wear a mask and stay 6 feet away from the bathroom
“I’m about to be in a crap ton of pain.” “Why?”
“I just ate spicy food, son.”
what do you call a restaurant that serves crap burgers??
Honey, I’ve got something to tell you and for once I’m not full of crap
Coach Butt pushed his team The Doodies into the Toilet Bowl. But, his team was playing like crap after a heavy load. And even though Coach knew his #1 was flushed, he pointed at him and said...
My wife keeps telling me my dad jokes are crap.
They stink, they take too long, they're usually corny, and I'm way too proud of them.
My husband was running his mouth the other day, talking so much crap at me.
I asked him if he was a mushroom?
"No??"
"Because you're being really shit-talky right now"
One of my proudest moments
Why is just farting when you think you have to crap like a hair care product?
I saw something in the tub and thought the cat took a crap in there, but he just knocked over some of my wife’s hair care products.
There were 3 guys, Shutup, Manners, and Crap.
They were walking across the road one day and Crap fell down, so Shutup went to get help. He comes across a policeman and he asks Shutup, "What's your name?"
He replies, "Shutup".
The policeman :"Hey, where are you manners?!"
Shutup says, "Outside on the road picking up crap"
If you took a dump in a church, would it be called a holy crap?
I don't believe in the bros before hoes or hoes before bros crap. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
Note: homeostasis is a scientific term for "equilibrium". Sorry if this went over your head 😁
Playing craps with toilet paper dice
Props to the school janitor for always dealing with your crap
Did you hear the recent electrifying news about a drunken idiot who climbed a power pole and got the crap shocked out of him?
It's good to keep up on current events.
I see and It's Carbon, Radium, Phosphorus... (CRaP)
Son: Math sucks so much. My teacher wants me to find the square root of I Don’t Give a Crap.
Dad: Easy! Next time, just tell your teacher I Don’t Give Two Shits.
Dad: "I can't believe they're still together after all of the crap they've been through..."
Mom: "Who?"
Dad: "My butt cheeks."
When I ask questions about constipation, everybody says it has something to do with human crap. But the truth is, it has something "not to do" with human crap.
It's just crap when you think about it
As its so crap, ban shredded cheese!
If you think pissing on the dice will help you win craps...
How is fake dog crap like Head&Shoulders?
When I walked into church, I suddenly got the urge to crap.
What the crap is going on in my hallway?!
What do you call fake crap?
Most geology puns are crap.
However, this one's a gem!
You know, I heard that the geology department at MIT just isn't what it used to be; it's slated for removal.
All that I can say is that puns about geology are a diamond dozen.
Many geologists live a rather sedimentary lifestyle.
Are you bored yet? I have way Moh if you want.
Wife: “This morning’s breakfast tasted like crap.”
Husband: “It wasn’t crepe, it was toastered.”
What do you call a stand-up comedian who’s taking a crap?
My wife asked me why I always talk so much crap
I told her poop jokes aren't my favorite, but they are definitely a solid number two
Why is playing craps better in Hawaii?
Because it's a tropical pair of dice.
Being a Mortitian is crap... it's not very lively, pretty much dead all the time.
"That's the closest thing to crap I have ever eaten," I told the waiter.
"I apologise sincerely, sir," he replied.
I said, "No need. It's the carp."
What does a crap like to eat for dinner?
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