My friends love scaring the crap out of me

With friends like that who needs enemas?

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tumalditamadre
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Can you believe that they are still together after all of the crap they have been through?

Your buttcheeks

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwitcherDeath07
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I found this beauty last year in the random crap aisle of a store.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gerbilena
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nun's crap..

Holy shit

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ner0Sips
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Crap joke

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr Dre

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trevorantifreeze
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My mate works in Dublin hospital’s fracture clinic. The pay's crap....

....but she enjoys the craic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tuna_Stubbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I took a COVID 19 crap at work.....

People were advised to wear a mask and stay 6 feet away from the bathroom

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryman19
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œI’m about to be in a crap ton of pain.” β€œWhy?”

β€œI just ate spicy food, son.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cookiekiller6
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
what do you call a restaurant that serves crap burgers??

...wacdonalds

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Crap
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emotional_Plenty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Honey, I’ve got something to tell you and for once I’m not full of crap

I just took a giant dump

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Coach Butt pushed his team The Doodies into the Toilet Bowl. But, his team was playing like crap after a heavy load. And even though Coach knew his #1 was flushed, he pointed at him and said...

Urine.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buschman98
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife keeps telling me my dad jokes are crap.

They stink, they take too long, they're usually corny, and I'm way too proud of them.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sattoth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My husband was running his mouth the other day, talking so much crap at me.

I asked him if he was a mushroom?

"No??"

"Because you're being really shit-talky right now"

One of my proudest moments

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is just farting when you think you have to crap like a hair care product?

They're both sham-poo

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/earthwulf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw something in the tub and thought the cat took a crap in there, but he just knocked over some of my wife’s hair care products.

It was a shampoop.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fungiinmygarden
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
There were 3 guys, Shutup, Manners, and Crap.

They were walking across the road one day and Crap fell down, so Shutup went to get help. He comes across a policeman and he asks Shutup, "What's your name?"

He replies, "Shutup".

The policeman :"Hey, where are you manners?!"

Shutup says, "Outside on the road picking up crap"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DillBourne
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
If you took a dump in a church, would it be called a holy crap?
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Videoguru16
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Bleach the crap outta it
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AetherScience
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't believe in the bros before hoes or hoes before bros crap. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

Note: homeostasis is a scientific term for "equilibrium". Sorry if this went over your head 😁

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Playing craps with toilet paper dice
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Catsask
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Props to the school janitor for always dealing with your crap
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsEmeraldd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the recent electrifying news about a drunken idiot who climbed a power pole and got the crap shocked out of him?

It's good to keep up on current events.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I see and It's Carbon, Radium, Phosphorus... (CRaP)
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mralijey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Math sucks so much. My teacher wants me to find the square root of I Don’t Give a Crap.

Dad: Easy! Next time, just tell your teacher I Don’t Give Two Shits.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: "I can't believe they're still together after all of the crap they've been through..."

Mom: "Who?"

Dad: "My butt cheeks."

πŸ‘︎ 202
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
🚨︎ report
When I ask questions about constipation, everybody says it has something to do with human crap. But the truth is, it has something "not to do" with human crap.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
It's just crap when you think about it
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPogwash
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
As its so crap, ban shredded cheese!

Make it grate again!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/air28uk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If you think pissing on the dice will help you win craps...

Urine luck

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siKing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How is fake dog crap like Head&Shoulders?

They're both sham-poo.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copycat042
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
When I walked into church, I suddenly got the urge to crap.

I had to take a pew!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What the crap is going on in my hallway?!
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imcyberpunk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call fake crap?

Shampoo

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ragnago
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Most geology puns are crap.

However, this one's a gem!

You know, I heard that the geology department at MIT just isn't what it used to be; it's slated for removal.

All that I can say is that puns about geology are a diamond dozen.

Many geologists live a rather sedimentary lifestyle.

Are you bored yet? I have way Moh if you want.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mage_Of_Cats
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Wife: β€œThis morning’s breakfast tasted like crap.”

Husband: β€œIt wasn’t crepe, it was toastered.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jadekinsjackson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stand-up comedian who’s taking a crap?

A sit-down commodean.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottzee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me why I always talk so much crap

I told her poop jokes aren't my favorite, but they are definitely a solid number two

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gooncraw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is playing craps better in Hawaii?

Because it's a tropical pair of dice.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Being a Mortitian is crap... it's not very lively, pretty much dead all the time.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheInspecta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
"That's the closest thing to crap I have ever eaten," I told the waiter.

"I apologise sincerely, sir," he replied.

I said, "No need. It's the carp."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a crap like to eat for dinner?

Crabbage.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seanjordan567
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report

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