Dog Turd Shopping Spree

Kids were out in the yard cleaning up their dogs landmines with a scooper and putting it in a wheelbarrow.

Middle daughter (Pushing wheelbarrow) : Mom, it's like a cart for poops.

Wife : It's a shopping cart for doggie poops.

Me (Looks wife like shes lost her mind) : Jesus woman, HOW MUCH SHIT DID YOU BUY ?

Right over the kids' heads.

E* Spelling.

👍︎ 10
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📅︎ Dec 02 2020
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I still don't understand why I got in trouble in high school for turning in my Biology lab notebook with a turd in it.

The teacher told us specifically to keep a log in our notebook!

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👤︎ u/teduh
📅︎ Jul 28 2020
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What do you call a fake turd?

A shampoo

👍︎ 395
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📅︎ Mar 07 2020
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What do you call a small turd?

A dumpling.

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📅︎ Mar 11 2020
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Little turd
👍︎ 34
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📅︎ Jan 07 2020
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Hey, Guys, do you like my TURD-le?
👍︎ 14
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📅︎ May 09 2019
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Why do sewage plant workers take a bag of turds home at the end of every month?

Gross earnings.

👍︎ 32
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👤︎ u/dob_bobbs
📅︎ May 14 2019
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I threw a fake plastic turd at my wife's head while she was in the shower.

Maybe now she'll stop complaining that she's out of sham poo.

👍︎ 3k
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📅︎ Feb 14 2017
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Only works for the Turd Symphony.
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📅︎ Jul 28 2018
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What does Soulja Boy say when he dance-steps in a turd?

"Now watch me EEUUUGHH"

[literally just came up with this, please tell me if it's been done]

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👤︎ u/WMsterP
📅︎ Jun 23 2019
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Parents who let children misbehave in public are proof that little turds come from big assholes.
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📅︎ Dec 17 2017
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What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?

The Captain's Log

👍︎ 9
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👤︎ u/DangerASA
📅︎ Nov 17 2018
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What do you call a plastic turd in the shower?

Shampoo

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Nov 22 2018
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Why is the shower the best place to hide a fake turd?

Because where else would you find shampoo!

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👤︎ u/4tehkek
📅︎ Nov 25 2016
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My earbuds fell in a dogs turd.

So I'm just going to begin this story with myself coming home from school after a long day. My sister after doing everything around the house asked me if I could walk the dog. "Yeah sure! No problem." No problem. So I plug in my headphones and leave to take her for a walk. So I left the house and within 5 minutes my dog had sat down and refused to move until at least 10 people had passed for no real reason. She then proceeded to rear up on her hind legs and drop possibly the biggest crap pattie I had ever seen come out of this dog. Luckily for a change I have bags so no biggie, I pull one out, bend over and suddenly my music gets slightly quieter. Now, after a long day of studying and tests and whatnot I didn't really notice what had happened until I went to stand up and felt the slightest resistance in the cord, I look down only to see my earbud covered in dog crap. I had no choice but to un plug my headphones and abandon them like a wounded soldier in battle. Of corse I come home to see my dad and my sister sitting on the couch talking about their day only to see me walk in looking a bit angry. "Hey what's up with you?" My Sister asks, "Like why do you look so grumpy?" In my mood after this irritating mishap I can only grumble "I dropped my headphones in her turd" I reply, only for my dad to retort with "Hey, how about you stop listening to shitty music for a change!"

I hope you enjoyed the story of my struggle, he said this and all I could think of was posting this.

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👤︎ u/the-dools
📅︎ Mar 11 2014
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My dad always said if he ever started a band he'd name in "Turd" and tour exclusively with Korn
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👤︎ u/relaxTD
📅︎ Dec 19 2015
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