Im tired of people complaining about $7 beers, $10 parking and a $20 cover charge.

Don't like the prices, stop coming to my house.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2022
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So there’s a nudist convention taking place next week..

I might go, if I got nothing to wear..

πŸ‘︎ 322
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnimatorNr1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2023
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Did you hear about the guy who broke into the 3M factory?

They caught him on tape

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/983115
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2022
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I just tried to make reservations at the library.

couldn't get one though, they were fully booked.

πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruchan10
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2022
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I had to work at the family crematorium to make my allowance...

...they didn't just give me money, I had to urn it.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2022
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felony

today i tripped and fell down

and my face hit the letter E on a sewer drain cover

and then the police came and charged me with felony

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirZbear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.

You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cozykinkajou
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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There was a suspicious β€˜accident’ at a construction site. The police investigated all the workers at the job site . . .

It looked like foul play. The mason wasn’t a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn’t hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.

Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn’t a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn’t stick and the jury let him roll off clean.

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty_Entendre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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