A list of puns related to "Couching"
He decides he wants to spice up his day and call his dealer. He asks his dealer, "hey, do you have anything new I haven't tried?" His dealer responds, "I just got some new weed named after old cartoon characters! It's some potent stuff!" The guy accepts this and meets up with the dealer. When he gets back home, he goes to roll a joint and finds that it just doesn't want to stay rolled and keeps coming apart. Frustrated, he calls the dealer back. "This shit just won't stay rolled! What did you sell me?" The dealer responds, "that's just how the scooby doobie do!"
And one of our kittens (7mo/f) starts nosing her away aggressively around our feet.
15/f daughter: βOh kitty, what are you doing?β
Me: βI think sheβs fishing.β
Achievement unlocked: my daughter smiled, and didnβt groan, roll her eyes, or whine βDaaaadβ.
...guess that makes me pansectional
I said, βWhere the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?β
Nobody has noticed sofa.
Sofa Kingdom
After we got there, I realized I forgot those things youβre supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.
So close, yet sofa.
Mein Komfortable
I thought thatβs a very weird way to start a conversation.
AWOL nut.
Ouch.
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
They charge per cushion.
It becomes a sectional.
Painful, because they can't c.
I got tele-vision
β’ you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.
β’ you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure youβll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.
β’ you change your carβs oil exactly every 2,000 miles.
β’ mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.
β’ you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.
β’ your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.
The last thing I need is a bunch of baby couches running around the place
I asked her if she was at self check out. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch.
never get old."
Soo.. a little background: my mother was about to visit for a walk outside the next day when this dialogue happened; also: my native language is german and i don't know if this very common in english as well, but my daughter calls my mother <stgm_at's-mother-first-name>-gramma. for the sake of this post let's assume her name is elizabeth.
so here goes...
(i enter the living room; wife & daughter sitting on the couch)
daughter: (in a moderately excited voice) hey dad, you know who's going to visit us tomorrow?
me: (acting as if i didn't know) don't know, who?
daughter: elizabeth-gramma.
me: huh, really, but do you know who is also going to visit us?
(daughter looks at me even more excited, there was defenitely a twinkle in her eye; wife looks at me sceptical)
daughter: don't know, who?
me: my mum.
(cue rolling eyes and groan from my wife and laughter from my daughter)
Boy, was my face red!
He pressed the russet button, of course.
But sofa so good.
I told him he should try out for American Idle
Wife: Would you please call our children by their name?
I had to explain to him that I was married now and that's where I sleep.
Stop calling your kids that.
Ouch
Ouch
But sofa so good.
But sofa so good.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.