Laika million to one
I relished the opportunity!
The Hurt of two feetie.
It was a ball hogger.
Unlike Twilight, he can't suck as Batman.
He's going against the grain.
he could have been the one who knock knocks.
It ended up a tie.
An heir vent.
He had experience in molecular Gastonomy.
Me: We need to put on our jackets because it's a little cold outside today.
Son after stepping outside: No Dad, it's a big cold
I don’t know if I missed a post announcing them or something, but I noticed the new mods were chosen for this sub and added! I would like to say welcome from all of us at r/dadjokes to u/ phreephorm u/anarousedcatfish u/cutek9 u/yayoletsgo u/suitinguncle620 and u/blank-cheque Welcome to the team and we look forward to having y’all.
Hebrews
It's Dinner time-
3y.o.: "Papa you spoon." ( which translates to - please feed me).
Me: "You spoon, I'm busy forking."
3y.o.: "Papa, fork yourself."
edit- Thank you for all the love. Forgot to mention the 3y.o. in question is a she.
He's complaining about all this costly work his minivan needs including some $1,700 exhaust work...
Me: Yeah, I hear you, maintaining vehicles can be exhausting...
Couldn't wipe the shit eating grin off my face as he kept talking.
He does it to this day and laughs every time, my sister and mother have chosen to start ignoring that type of behavior which makes it funnier to me
Every year for the past few years, I’ve written music for a tuba ensemble for a summer band camp. Last year’s music was titled “TubaChristmas in July,” which had “Hallelujah” by Pentatonix, “Carol of the Bells,” “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” and “Have Yourself a Merry TubaChristmas.” This year I’m about 90% sure we’re doing rock/classic rock. So far I have “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen, “Paint It, Black” by The Rolling Stones, “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi, “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey, and some fifth song I haven’t chosen yet (BTW I’m open to song ideas).
I need a pun that mixes Tuba with Rock or with Classic Rock. Similar to how TubaChristmas in July doesn’t include song names, but you know it’s Christmas music on tubas.
Many years ago, all the elders came together to name their wonderful country. The elders argued for many days, and could not come to an agreement on the name. One brilliant elder came up with a great idea, they would put all the letters of the alphabet into a hat, pull them out, one at a time, and that's what the name of their new country would be.
Of course, the elder who came up with the idea was chosen to pull the letters out of the hat. Elder: C, eh. N, eh. D, eh
He becomes the Chosen Two
My 6 year old son came up to me tonight and asked, "What are you holding under there?" I ask, "Under where?"
He walks away, laughing his ass off.
So my dad’s recently been diagnosed with cancer and is now beginning chemo. As a result, he’s gonna have a lot of downtime on his hands. So to cheer him up we’ve (my brother-in-law and I) bought 2 folder-style disc cases that can hold up to 10 movies. We want to fill them with the most dad-joke filled, so bad they’re good, absolute cheesy movies out there. This is where r/dadjokes comes in. The two best lists of 10 movies will be chosen to put in the two cases. Help us r/dadjokes. You’re our only hope.
Mum was out shopping and calling Dad excitedly at some new bedding she'd found. "It's so us, it will help your back, and it looks so so so comfortable. Come on, we've not had new bedding in years. I've chosen this amazing bed, sheets that go perfectly with our room. There's a deal where they throw in extras, like a U shaped pillow and then......."
Dad cut her off mid-flow and shouted "OK! Do it! Let's get it!"
He relayed the conversation back to us and said he was really excited.
Weeks later when the bed finally arrived he stood watching her unwrap the parts. I was just outside the room. He waited for his cue and when she opened the U shaped pillow - boom - he hit it,
"It looks nothing like me!" He shouted.
He turned to me and winked "totally worth it" he grinned at me.
..............…
I was confused.
................
He said "when I heard about the U shaped pillow I was so sold on the joke I had to let her buy it all".
Yeah... Nice one dad........
Had I chosen sandpaper instead, it would have given a new meaning to the term "sandal"
Throwaway since I could be identified if someone tried hard enough.
My father is currently partaking in a long and grueling pilgrimage of over 300 miles on the Notre Dame Trail. The organizers suggested family members write letters to encourage and motivate the pilgrims.
I have chosen to borrow some amazing content from /r/dadjokes to text to my father on a daily basis. He loves to make bad jokes and is often seen laughing at his own puns. He said he tells the jokes to the group every day when they've finished walking and they always get a chuckle from the crowd.
So sincerely, thank you and keep up the good work!
My mother has also joined him for the final 3 days so if anyone has some good, clean mom related dad jokes, feel free to share them with me!
My sister was telling us about how she has to do a project about serial killers for her forensics class. She said that one of her classmates had chosen one who dressed up like a clown.
My brother says "Oh yea, I think they made a movie about that... What was IT called again?"
I couldn't help but laugh my ass off with him.
So he opened a towing company called StuckAuto. It was successful and he made 3/4 times the money which allowed him to retire and focus on his passion for martial arts.
He founded a new style based on starting slow and building up known as Crush en Do. This style gained fame when it was found to be the chosen style of a terrorist group operating out of our Nations Capitol known as the D.C. Al Coda.
My team's supervisor sent out an email to our group asking if anyone was getting a "beg" message from a particular application. So I replied all, "The program has not chosen to give me that message. So I guess beggars can be choosers."
