My wife and I have contests to see who can scream “NO!” louder, but she always wins.
Two fishermen were having a contest to see who could make the most knots with a length of rope
Why do people from Norway always win against Englishpeople in tear-shedding contests?
Because crying is gråter in Norwegian.
Two artists had an art contest.
I've invented a new talent contest where you have to dress up as a sailor and eat spinach as fast as possible....
Did you hear about the no-armed man who entered the masturbation contest?
Poor guy didn’t come anywhere.
10 puns entered a contest. Who won you ask?
Before I join a contest, I always make my dog urinate on a photograph of the other contenders.
It gives me a leg up on the competition.
I lost the sour punch contest...
I entered 10 puns in a joke contest. I figured one of them would win...
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef. He invites 3 renowned chefs from all over the kingdom to serve him and the favorite will become the new royal chef!
The first chef serves the king an enormous rack of ribs. "Very impressive," said the king.
The second chef serves a huge steak, cooked to perfection. "So satisfying," said the king.
The third chef gives the king a plate with small rocks on a bed of shredded cabbage. "What the hell is this," the king asks.
The third chef says, "These rocks fell from the sky into my back yard. Indeed, ribs and steak are very meaty, but asteroids are meteor!"
I was in a contest where you lost if you talked.
It was quite the competion, to say the least.
I'm thinking about cosplaying as Junkrat for a cosplay contest...
But it'd cost me an arm and a leg.
I entered a seasoning contest and got first place.
The judges said my entry was the best of all thyme.
A woman entered an online pun contest. She submitted ten different puns in the hope that at least one would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
My friend entered a contest to win a trip to a city on the French Riviera. He didn't win...
I once finished runner-up in a Fidel Castro look-a-like contest.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
What did John Mcenroe say when he was disqualified from the chese eating contest
I entered my Chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place!
The competitive painting contest was an abject failure
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says
A son tells his Dad he wants to win the limbo contest at his school...
His dad says, "That's a pretty low bar."
Have you ever wondered why the winner of all the Miss Universe contest...
...always came from Earth ?
I struggled hard in the bodybuilding contest.
Turns out, I've got atrophy
If he won't talk I guess it's just a stairing contest
My cat got 10/10 points at a beauty contest
I've just entered the neighborhoods tightest hat contest..
One of the local radio stations had a "Worst Pun" contest.
The best part was you could submit multiple entries, and I sent in a bunch, at least 10. I figured the more I came up with, one of them had to win.
But, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre
I was all ready to host a limbo contest, but then I found out that someone stole my special limbo bar.
I mean, how low can you go?
Did you hear about all the competition in the outdoor pickled cabbage contest?
Winning a German sausage eating contest is all about your mind set
You hope for the best, but prepare for the wurst
“Judge, I want to contest 50% of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus!”
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Ok. I want to contest half of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus.
I entered a pun contest once
You had to send in your best puns, via snail mail, in an orderly list. I sent ten in, thinking at least one would win me a prize, but no pun in ten did.
A male dog and a female dog are having a pissing contest, which one will win?
Obviously the male dog because he has the-leg-up.
I was winning in a staring contest once...
and it was all taken away in the blink of an eye.
I sent 10 puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win
I entered a pooping contest once
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says
I entered 10 puns in a contest hoping one would win.
I entered ten puns into a contest.
I hoped one would win, but no pun in ten did.
“Judge, I want to contest 60% of my parking tickets!”
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Fine. I want to contest 3/5 of my parking tickets!
A man entered a pun contest and said ten pins, hoping one would win...
Unfortunately no pun intended
Two artists had an art contest. How did it end?
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