Butcher's Shop Puns

Google Meat.

They went away empty handed, the steaks were to high.

It’s a cut above the rest.

Every day is ground hog day.

A man walks into a butcher shop and asks for a duck. The butcher asks him “do you want just the breast, or the whole duck? We’ve got a special going for the breast.”

“Well I was going to get the whole duck, but tell me about the special.”

“The breast is free, but if you get the whole duck it comes with a bill.”

Album here: http://imgur.com/a/yc3yJ

Meat.

The steaks couldn't be any higher

Don't worry. The suspect has been spotted.

The alien said "That's fine, is the human fresh?"

So every time I go there, it would appear I have taken a turn for the wurst.

The man behind the counter sang "NOO Black Betty, ham or lamb"

and things are going great for the first few days, handling deliveries, putting cuts into and out of storage, etc. After his first week, coming in at 8am to work with the Butcher's supervision, the Butcher decides that he can trust John with a little more responsibility. The Butcher is a bit of a perfectionist and he tells John that he has to be there by 6am Monday morning because a delivery of fresh beef was due to arrive at 6:15 and it needed storage and processing immediately. John was incredibly excited and set extra alarms Monday. He snoozes his 5am alarm, but his 5:15 alarm gets him going, and he arrives at the shop at 5:55, tired and slightly panicked. He gets into the back room and takes a catnap.

He is shaken awake at 7:45am by the Butcher, who is asking where the cuts are. The deliveryman didn't see John and so the beef wasn't delivered or cut. The Butcher was incredibly disappointed in John, and had to fired him because he had caused too many missed steaks.

...and the steaks have never been higher.

My butcher is going from five days a week to four days a week in order to ease himself into retirement. I don't think I can shop there anymore. It's just too odd having a butcher who can't do cold turkey.

For the youngest siblings recent 9th birthday I put 9 dollars in a block of ice (had to bribe a local butcher shop to let me put a cooler in their freezer, worth it) But I need some long term ideas, because I intend to show this family with a lack of dads the full scope of dad jokes

Dad - "I lost my job at a butcher's shop once; Couldn't hack it."

So my dad owns a butcher shop.

Customer: how do you cut these sirloins ?

Dad: um...with a knife?

My dad and I went to pick some burgers up at the butcher shop, and there were flowers outside that were placed inside of boots, like this. I said, "That guy must have had a pretty severe case of plantar fasciitis.". He just smiled and walked into the store.