A man and his son go to the optometrist and both have the same prescription but can't afford two sets of glasses.
His solution? "I wear my son's glasses at night..."
What do both doctors and bartenders have in common?
What is something both a lawyer and a gamer say every day?
Two guys were arrested for stealing a calendar... They both got 6 months
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record
If you have two heads, that's both an odd and even number
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
Why do white bears who are attracted to both sexes have mood swings?
I designed a pencil with erasers at both ends.
At age 18 I lost both my kidneys...
...from that day in I had adult-neys.
Pre- means before. Post- means after. To use both prefixes together,
my wife and dog both love licking my face...
guess i’m just a piece of meat for them
My new girlfriend and I are both really into fitness, and I've got a really good feeling about us.
I just know we're going to workout.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why.
He just looked at me and said,
"They're GREAT!"
I’m both proud and ashamed of this one.
Why do companies prefer people with only one arm instead of people with both arms?
Because people with only one arm can do everything single-handedly
If the Scottish and the Irish went to war, no matter the victor, both sides would have kilt it.
My cousin posted two jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted both of them.
He is my cousin, twice [removed]
Both of my parents don't identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. They are both very honest and open people.
I guess you could say they're transparent.
I've got a friend who is both a Dwarf and a Rabbi.
I know what you're thinking 'thats a little unorthodox'.
I got a part time job kissing both women and men
It's not much but it's getting me bi
What do you call a bear that lives in both poles?
My brother and I both picked up bottles of mouthwash on the same grocery trip...
I guess you could say we really got our Acts together.
I once dated two girls called Edith and Kate. Kate found out and told Edith that I was dating both of them at the same time. They both broke up with me on the very same day!
Moral of the story is you can’t have your Kate and Edith too
I'm not a dog person or a cat person. I'm both.
What do u call a buffalo that likes both genders?
Swinging both ways like a pendulum
When the American president found out that he was sexually attracted to both men and women, what did he say?
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
My friend: I like both men and women.
Me: Oh.. so you're Bi-den?
I cut my birthday cake in half and ate both sides.
I wanted to halve my cake and eat it too.
Technically, they both have some spiky stuff
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
i am deaf on both ears after working at the metal factory
I guess heavy metal is not good for my ears
If both President Trump and VP Pence died from Coronavirus...
... that would be unpresidented.
What do Cats and Pirates both have in common?
They both like Yarrrrrr'n
But both have same name(almost)
Dad: What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane? Son: they both weigh the same.
Dad: wrong. Water is a fluid and butane is a lighter fluid!
Edit: credit to u/Kelly240361
I have no idea what to get now...am I supposed to get both?
I'm sorry to report that I lost both my feet to diabetes
TIL that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.
For both, it’s all relative.
I know a Vietnamese couple who got married and decided to both hyphenate their last names
It was a Nguyen-Nguyen scenario
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.
I'm sure that must have been a record.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
