Barring other locations, I found the time for a drink
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jun 09 2019
Olive Bar Pun
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 19 2018
Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.
They both have a great time.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.
He orders a drink, and asks for the check.
Duck billed platypus.
Edit: Thanks guys.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
A gold ore walked into the bar...
The bartender yelled βAU, get outta hereβ
π︎ 93
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
A midget stumbles out of the bar...
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?
π︎ 174
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer
The bartender says we don't serve food here
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
A median and a mode walk into a bar.
The bartender says, βIβm glad you ditched your friend. Heβs mean.β
π︎ 160
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
I met my wife at a singles bar...
Which was really strange, since I'd thought that I had left her at home looking after the kids.
π︎ 486
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
A Pastor, a Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar...
π︎ 108
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar, but a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house...
The difference is staggering
π︎ 20k
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
Space-Bar
π︎ 64
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, βA beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
A pun walked into a bar and ten people died on the spot.
π︎ 141
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."
π︎ 85
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my motherβs in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, βBecause your mother is always right.β
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Where has the worst karaoke bars?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
A masochist walks into a bar
And then another and another and another
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
A gorilla goes into a new bar...
He asks for a Pint of Beer.
The bartender says: 'That'll be $4.85'
Then the bartender says: 'We don't get many gorillas in here'
The gorilla replies: 'With these prices, I'm not surprised'
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
A rope walks into a bar
A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender scowls and says βWe donβt serve ropes in here!β
The rope stares back and says βIβm not a rope!β
Flabbergasted the bartender says βYouβre not?!β
To which the rope replies βNo, Iβm a frayed knotβ
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
A blind man walked into a bar
then a table, and a chair
π︎ 93
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
I met a ventriloquist at a bar who told me I was attractive.
I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
A woman walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a "Double Entendre".
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
Two atoms walk into a bar, one says to the other βDang, I left my electrons in the car.β The other replies, βAre you sure?β
βYa, Iβm positive.β
π︎ 177
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
Bono and The Edge walk into a bar.
The barman says 'Oh god, not U2 again...'
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
Gerry walks into a bar
He hits his head and falls to the floor. He's the worse doing the limbo.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
A Jewish kid walks into a Bar...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
A doggo walks into a bar and says ...
Iβm looking for the man who shot my paw!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?
He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.
π︎ 72
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
Two extraordinarily large horses were sitting at the bar having a beer. Guy walks in and says to the bartender. "Hey, what's with the Clydesdales?" Bartender says,
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Since the start of the Covid outbreak I own the quietest bar in the land....
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".
π︎ 86
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
Itβs a real game changer
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar
And things got a little tense.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
Everything is treble
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
What do you get if Godzilla steps on a bar?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
What did my hose say when I got bar mitzvahed?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a rum..............and coke."
"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged, "I'm not sure, I was born with them"
π︎ 225
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says
βFive beers, please.β
π︎ 953
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
A guy walks into a bar holding a hammer over his head.
"Ladies and Gentlemen" he yells!! "This is not a drill."
π︎ 19
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a bar...
...just kidding, they know better.
π︎ 556
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
Sam and Ella walked into a bar.
The bar got shut down by the health department.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
Guy walks into a bar
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
Gold walks into a bar
The bartender says "AU get out of here!"
π︎ 189
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
So a blind man walks into a bar.
Then a table,
Then a chair..
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
