It was just a spare, I guess...
I can’t even find agus, much less a spare.
I said nope, just the one, and I'm using it.
I should've brought a spare I guess.
3 spears of asparagus are walking down some railroad tracks when a train comes along. The first asparagus says, "Watch this!"
He proceeds to make his way across the tracks, dodging and weaving between the wheels and making it clear to the other side.
The second asparagus says, "I got this!" and proceeds to dodge and weave across the track and between the wheels, only at the last second gets bumped off, leaving her with a bruised behind.
The last asparagus strolls up to tracks and hops right over and BAM gets slammed by underside of the train right in crown, breaking the stalk and sending him flying. His 2 friends come running up, they gather him up as best they can and rush him to the nearest hospital.
After a grueling 12 hour surgery, the head surgeon comes out to the waiting area to update the asparagus spears.
"well, I have good news and I have bad news." he said.
"The good news is your friend is going to live."
"The bad news is he will be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
A vegetable walks into a bowling ally and asks "What is it called if I knock half the puns down on my first roll, then knock the rest down on my second roll?" The man behind the counter looks up, shrugs, and says "A spare I guess" (Asparagus)
Me: Why? We don't we don't need a back up agus!
Why not grab a PAIR-a-gus?
I should have bought asparagus.
I don't know, asparagus?
Tofu
People love eating Asparagus.
Asparagus
Asparagus
I should have bought asparagus
Peeing next to a man who ate asparagus.
I should have had asparagus.
Should've bought asparagus
A man went to his dentist because he felt something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examined him and said "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replied, "All I can think of is that about four months ago, my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious... hollandaise sauce! I love it so much now that I put it on everything -- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything!"
The dentist said, "Well, that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new one, and this time, I'll use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asked the patient.
"It's simple," said the dentist. "Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
Asparagus.
Asparagus
Why do we have asparagus?
Wife: Don't you DARE!
In case we lose the first one.
Your Italian neighbour has a goose in his garden. You give him a second one. What does he have?
Asparagus.
We’re having asparagus with dinner. My daughter just said “If you cut off the tops it looks like bamboo. Have you been feeding me bamboo?!” I said, “Yes, you’ve been... bamboo-zeled.”
Long post is long:
Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!
Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.
Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!
Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!
Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...
Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.
Her: Thyme is running out...
Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!
Her: Aim for Potato Garden!
Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!
Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!
Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!
Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!
Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!
Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.
Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!
Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!
The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.
Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!
Are the spinach still operational?
Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.
Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...
Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!
Her: And the squashes and peas!
Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!
The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.
**Her:
... keep reading on reddit ➡Me: are you bringing the asparagus?
Dad: Yep, and you have the holindays sauce?
Me: of course.
Dad: And what about the chrome plate?
Me: why would I need that...
Dad: There's no plate like chrome for the holindays!
Me:.............
My wife had cooked a lovely dinner of porkchops, rice and asparagus. I took a pretty big portion of everything but managed to eat it all.
I go to take some more veggies, when my wife asks me "Are you really going to eat that too?"
I replied, "I might not, but...meh...never hurts to have a spare I guess......"
We were getting home from the grocery store, and I was putting groceries into the fridge.
Me, putting new asparagus into the fridge: Oh, Nick, we already had some asparagus.
Nick: Well, I guess we have a-spare-agus then.
Asparagus
