Daylight Savings pun. I don’t want to spring ahead. I want my Auerbach.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/time910
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend told me he already turned the clocks forward an hour in the kitchen. I told him he is a man ahead of his time.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haimeows
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into an open casket funeral and approaches the widow at the front. He asks: "Mind if I say a word?". "No, go ahead" she replies.

"Bargain" the man says.

"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/giftfrom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
"Road Work Ahead"

Well I hope it does....

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Badjer47
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œMy fifth grade teacher started the first day of school by expressing her doubts and apprehension for the year ahead.”

β€œOh, that’s awful. Who was that?”

β€œMiss Givings.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sellwinerugs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Always plan ahead
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Whats with the saying "that's how you get ahead in life"?

I was already born with one.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/samueld44
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Iceberg! Right ahead!
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aliciab12
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The Guillotine was supposed to be ahead of its time

It had cutting edge technology

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?

LED Zeppelin.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.

Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Which kind of pension do I need for the road ahead?

Suspension.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiLifino
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A truck ahead of me spilled its load of cabbage all over the highway...

I never slaw it coming.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Go ahead, use the ramp

If you feel so inclined

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/--who
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my daughter when she suddenly pointed her finger to an orange sign and said β€œLook Daddy, Road Works Ahead!”

I said β€œI sure hope it works, or we’ll have to take a longer route!”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chronic_Avidness
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just reading this story about a guy who went through several tough breaks in life and couldn’t get ahead. One day he just stopped talking and his only way of communicating was through hand and body motion.......

Poor guy turned to a life of mime.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjleak72
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Down periscope and full speed ahead!

Sorry. Wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new game getting released? It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. It’s called:

Go outside and ride your bike

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Innovation ahead of its time
πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tnethacker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Bridge ahead
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/d13n3m4n
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Warning: Nerd Puns Ahead
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What is it called when someone farts while walking ahead of someone else?

A booty trap.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theimpaler1208
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Go ahead, ridicule me for not knowing what confectioner's sugar is.

It's fine.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebucketwood
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Watch where you step, its Rocky up ahead
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jasond1124
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I had been lost in Las Vegas for days, wandering the streets. Up ahead, I thought I saw my hotel...

But it was a Mirage...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Warning: major spoilers ahead!
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnny2_yespapa
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Europe is ahead of our time

By about 5 hours or so

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flakaby
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Go ahead and storm if you dare.
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I was checking out at the grocery store and the cashier didn’t put the batteries in the same bag with my food and I said it’s cool go ahead and put them in the same bag I don’t care he looked at me with a straight face and said…

Is that how you get your electrolytes?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Wow this joke was miles ahead of me when this came out
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trsweeney14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, β€œYou know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”

He said, β€œI hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Ahead
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PorpForpz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
We were learning graphs in maths and we were way ahead of the other classes

I guess we were ahead of the curve

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Long joke ahead, but well worth it.

A while ago, there were some friars who needed to raise money, so they opened up a flower shop. Across the street, there was another flower shop that had already been open for a few years. Afraid of competition, the owner politely asked the friars to sell something else in heir shop. They refused. People liked the new flower shop better, so the first shop’s profits started dropping. Concerned that he might go out of business, the owner of the first shop asked the friars to close their shop. They refused. Some time passed, and the first shop was on the verge of bankruptcy. Desperate, the owner begged the friars to close their shop. They refused again. Then, the owner of the first shop used the last of his money to hire a hit man named Hugh Williams to beat up the friars and trash their shop. He did, and when he was done, he told the friars he’d be back if they didn’t close down. Scared for their lives, the friars agreed, proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent Florist Friars.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to cook chicken for dinner, but I forgot to take it out of the freezer ahead of time.

It wasn’t a well thawed out plan.

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
So we’re driving down the road and I see rest area ahead. I say, hey kids

Speak now or forever hold your pee.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djmuhlestein
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in the car with my 10 year old daughter and there was a sign that said road works ahead. She’s said road works ahead , that’s a relief. I’ve never been so proud to be a dad.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tabrjo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Silly James not thinking ahead
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
One day, my buddy and I were playing a game of cribbage and I was far ahead of him. He told me β€œMan, you are on fire.”

I shouted back at him β€œThen put me out already!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlipperyRoads
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
When you schedule a blowjob you plan ahead
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sombreknightrocks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I know dad jokes aren't for everyone, but I thought I'd go ahead and post one here...

1

πŸ‘︎ 800
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Spoiler alert, dad joke ahead

"No matter how far you throw an envelope, it will still be stationary"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherhoodgalore
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œWhy do you always insist on walking ahead of the rest of us?”

I said, β€œSorry. I don’t follow.”

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I hike most mornings, so I went ahead and made a playlist with music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.

It's my trail mix

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report

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