“Sure,” said the dad “40.”
So I told her 40.
"Certainly," I replied. "It's a big building with money inside."
Next year I’ll be in my prime though.
No one respects the panfish sink decision...
Step 1:
Step 2:
Step 4:
Step 9 :
Step 17:
Step 36:
Floor
I’ll let you know.
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... keep reading on reddit ➡Dad: "What time do we need to leave to catch the movie?"
Kid: "I don't know. 5:30, 6?"
Dad: "5:36? That's an oddly specific time."
… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes
[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]
Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:
January:
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Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes
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Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes
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An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes
February:
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Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes
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My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes
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When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes
March:
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I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes
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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.
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[When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da
The following is my conversation through texts with him at 3:30 today.
Me: What's the address for the Xmas party.
Dad: Don't know I'll have to ask your mother
Me: What time is it?
Dad: 3:36 pm
Me: 3:36? Why not 3:37 or you know 3:35? Or even better... 3:30?
Dad: Cuz it's 3:39 right now
Me: ... What time is the party
Dad: oh you wanted to know what time the party is.
Me: ...
Dad: 3 pm.
Had me and my friends laughing so hard.
Spoilers if you haven't seen the force awakens.
In the movie they are standing in the snow and Chewbacca interjects that he is cold to which Han replies "Oh really, YOU'RE cold?!"
Husband: I never noticed that line before. He's cold but he's wearing a fur coat. Me: He's not "wearing" it, it's his fur. Husband: Oh... Wookie mistake.
I had to stop the movie because I was busy facepalming. I'm 36 weeks pregnant, I guess he has to practice.
Wife: So they're going to do a 36-week ultrasound to see how large the baby is.
FIL: Wow, that's a really long ultrasound.
"98.6 °F"
Sorry if it doesn't translate well, but in spanish is:
"A que temperatura estamos?"
"36.6 °C"
I just said that without thinking, I guess my dad joke gene is fully awake since I had my daughter.
I don't know if this necessarily qualifies as a "dad joke" as much as a "dad move" but when I was younger, about 10 or 11, I was in the backyard with my dad on a summer afternoon. The sun was going down and I nonchalantly said, "I wonder what time it is..." He looked up towards the sun and pointed with his left hand, causing me to look with him. He answered, "Oh, about 5:36." I was in awe that he could be so exact but I still thought it was a guess, so I ran inside to check the clock in the kitchen. Sure enough, it read 5:36. I was amazed but my dad refused to tell me his secret. He just kept saying he just knew based on the sun, and that it was "magic", every time I asked.
I am now 24. And as I was sitting outside the other day, watching the sunset, I thought back to this, still amazed he did it. Then, it clicked. He was wearing a watch on his right wrist, which he looked at when he diverted my attention to looking at the sun. I hope to be like him one day...
tl;dr I thought my dad could tell time by looking at the sun. He looked at a watch when I wasn't looking.
So one night I was babysitting two four year old girls and after having done a puzzle they asked to do one more thing before bed Me: what do you what to do? girl 1: 36 me: What's 36? girl 2: it's a number
My father and I got in an argument today...
Dad: Your mom fought with me because I said, "Women should stop having babies after 35..."
Me: "Well yeah, autism becomes a huge risk if women are pregnant at that age or older. Why was there a disagreement?"
Dad: "Because why would she want 36 kids..."
Long pause and then sarcastic laughter and slow clap.
