Yale is a university for those who may not know
The guy who stole my diary died yesterday.
My thoughts are with his family.
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.
What does a presidential candidate who cant get his votes up suffer from?
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket..
..you can hide but you can’t run.
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.
I ran into this vegan girl who said she knew me
I had to tell her I'd never met herbivore.
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
Who'll are from Indonesia?
The guy who invented the Hokey Pokey died last week.
Turns out they had a lot of trouble putting him in his coffin. Because everytime they put his right leg in, he put his right leg out.
The lady who hems my pants appeared anxious...
In fact, I know she seamstressed
I absolutely hate people who talk behind my back.
They say there are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.
I think that's Booleshit.
How do Mexicans decide who gets promoted?
WARNING FOR EVERYONE WHO WANTS THE KFC GAME CONSOLE
Avoid getting a console on launch day. Multiple units had to be recalled due to the circuit boards being "fried".
"Honey, who might bee at the front door?"
I don't like people who take drugs...
For example, airport security.
If you ever need someone who's terrible at hiding
What do you call a person who can't hear?
You can call him anything cause he won't able to hear you.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
What do you call a reptile who makes financially wise decisions?
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Painted a Christmas card for a friend who hates puns....
Shoutout to the individual who invented orthotics!
If it were up to me, you’d be a shoo-in for the Nobel Peace Prize.
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.
Did you hear about the Pokemon Trainer who got an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony?
What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink?
What does a tea hater say to the waiter who brought them tea when they ordered coffee?
That's not my cup of tea.
To the people who haven’t gone to the toilet in 2021
Why are you still holding onto last year’s shit?
There's a dinner lady at our factory, who's almost seven feet tall.
She's our longest serving employee.
Did you hear about the guys who commuted between London and Paris every day?
They ended up with Carpool Chunnel Syndrome.
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"
"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."
I dreamed I met a long snake-like fish who had been knighted by the queen.
Did you hear about the guy who stole the calendar?
My 11 year old: Who is the leader of all tissues?
Who works after they're fired?
Did you know Aaron Burr had a brother who was always falling over?
My girlfriend was sad, so I asked her who my favorite singer is and then placed my head on her chest
I told her Michael Boob-lay
She wasn’t as sad anymore (or much sadder since she realized how dumb the person she’s dating is). Happy new year everybody
There was a man who read a joke so funny that he died of laughter.
After reading it, the authorities all agreed that it was a killer joke.
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter?
You hear about the dog who liked to chase cars?
Did this painting for my friend (far right) who is a huge Pittsburgh steelers fan. His favorite player is Troy Polamalu... And he likes puns. That's me in the middle.l in my favorite jumper. Thoughts???
reddit.com/gallery/kkbp9y
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn’t put enough shifts in
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...
Have you seen who's playing the lead in the new Blind Batman film?
Do you know what car someone who loves rhythmical music should own ?
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket:
You can hide, but you can’t run.
The guy who stole my diary has died.
My thoughts are with his family.
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