Why do weighted blankets calm you down?
Because compression is the opposite of tension!
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?
If my ceiling fan supported my weight...
....I'll never be bored again.
Losing weight is a piece of cake
Rapid Weight Loss
I lost 200 lbs of ugly fat in only 3 months.
I got a divorce.
The key to losing weight is patience
So take your time and wait.
I invented a bouncing platform to help obese hobos lose weight.
I call it a Tramp o' Lean
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
I've lost loads of weight, just by wearing bread around my head...
There are 3 men on a boat.
Each has a cigarette, but nothing to light it with.
So one man throws his cigarette into the water, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Loosing weight is a peice of cake!
Just don’t pick it up
Edit: piece I before E except after c
The french revolution was kind of a pain in the neck, but once it was over it was a weight off of some people's shoulders
I went to a weight loss seminar
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
I got banned from my local gym
I gues I just didn't work out
Imagine Americans switched from Pound to Kilograms overnight
There would be mass confusion
I'm planning to implement a new weight-loss method that will require people to wear winter gloves making it harder for them to eat.
I will call it "Inter-mitten fasting".
My partner is telling me that I'm gaining a lot of weight from eating a lot of Indian food
But I think it's a naan issue.
I really ought to start losing weight...
But, I've got too much on my plate at the moment.
Did you hear about Dolly Parton’s new weight loss coffee?
I don’t understand why I can't lose weight.
I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Doctor: Can we talk about your weight?
Certainly. It was about 20 minutes, but at least the chairs didn't break this time.
My wife said, "You've put on a lot of weight."
I said, " I know! I have had a lot on my plate lately."
As the detective examined the crime scene at the carnival he came upon the man working the “Guess your weight” booth. The detective had the man arrested as an accomplice to the criminal.
He was charged with helping the criminal get a weigh.
My wife hates it when I make jokes about her weight...
We Tried Getting Americans to Start Measuring Weight in Kilograms Instead of Pounds
But they were very cagey about it.
What increases in weight as it decreases in volume?
Why don’t fish weight themselves?
They have their own scales.
What does a dead person do to lose weight?
I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked for them to send someone round!
Turns out they’ve got loads of them!
And I’m sure he felt the burn too!
I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.
On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.
I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except the weight lifting...
Pro tip: If you are looking for a cheap way to work out at home, consider using milk jugs as weights.
But be sure to use almond or soy milk, I’ve heard they’re the healthier alternatives.
My Wife is an Hour Late to Meet me at the Gym
I don't think we're going to workout afterall.
What weighs more 10 pounds of bricks or 10 pounds of feathers?
Feathers because you have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds
Why are goulash not good at weight lifting?
Because they aren't stroganoff
You should avoid beef when trying to lose weight
I invited my hot date to the gym for a training session, but she didn't show up.
That's when I knew that we weren't going to work out.
Who was the heavy weight champion of farts?
What do you call a big weight loss?
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?
Red hot chili pepper weight
How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it away a now.
What would happen if the USA switched from Pounds to Kilograms?
There would be mass confusion
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