Have you seen where Harry Potter’s magical wand was made? If you look closely, it says:

β€œMADE IN TAIWAND”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Happydaytoyou1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Why is a Queen's wand called a scepter?

Because everyone else works, and she doesn't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeSpr0ckEt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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Did you know there's a spell to get free Coffee when you need it?

Just wave your wand and say "Espresso Patronum!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RRatty
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2021
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Why doesn't Ollivander let you bring a Snitch into his shop?

The 'whizzer' always chases the wands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gracius0ne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2021
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Where does Harry Potter keep his Gym equipment?

Behind the Dumb-Bell door..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unholysifiman21
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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What deodorant does Harry Potter wear?

Ex-smelly-arMpits

As inspired by a three year old who couldn't say Expelliarmus - the charm that makes whatever your opponents holding fly out of their hand - usually their wand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JVM_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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A pun or two about magicians and their antics

Person 1: What is your opinion on that one classic pulling the bunny out of the hat trick?

Person 2: I think raises some hare-raising questions.

P1: How so?

P2: It just begs the question of how it affects the rabbits themselves. After all, the magicians were pulling them out without a carrot the world.

P1: You raise at interesting point.

P2: We all know it's because of the secret compartment, you know? And, to minimize the suspiciousness of the hat, the compartment is as small as possible?

P1: Yes

P2: It must be very uncomfurtable to be in that space, and then be grabbed by the ears and raised high in front of a crowd. Like, don't get me wrong, I love magic tricks, but I wand to specify that i honestly feel that this trick in particular is quite inhumane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirZbear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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JK Rowling should start the first smart door company and name it SmartleDoor

You would open the door with a wand attached to your keychain instead of a key

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TisForFairMaidens
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Potterheads Assemble!

Fleur Fudge's Snape, how many times must I say that I Love-good Harry Potter Puns. I could Mun-go on and on. I don't wand you to feel bad tho.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheReal_BlueBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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I told my dad to make me a sandwich

He pulled out his magic wand

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d1rwolf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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A dad Manning the grill at a backyard bbq. Son approaches...

Son: "Dad? Can you make me a burger?"

Dad: "Sure! (waives tongs like a magic wand) POOF! You're a burger!"

(Dad laughing hysterically. Son rolls eyes)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darknighten89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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Daughter: β€œCan you make me a bagel?”

Me (waving invisible magic wand): β€œYou are a bagel!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wassermanjohn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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My dad actually thought (and still thinks) this is a good joke.

So there's this duck who was born without any knees, and naturally, he was made fun of by all the other ducks. So one day, a pink duck with a wand and frilly dress appeared to this duck as he was sitting alone crying. "Why are you crying?" She asked him. "I don't have any knees!" He said, still crying. "I can give you some knees," said the fairy duck."But I have one question. Do you want low knees?" "No, I want high knees!" So she gave him lots of butts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordDrewpicus
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2015
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What does a witch use to do math?

A cackle-ator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Chowder-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
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Every time my dad is in the kitchen when I visit...

Dad: Can I make you a sandwich? Me: yes please. Dad:(uses a utensil as a magic wand) Poof, you're a sandwich.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grokm3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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What do you call a Taiwanese magician?

Tai-wand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
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WhereΒ΄s the Wizard of Oz?

So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads.... He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway.... This yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads" he begs her. "I'm hacked off being so visible to predators. The stress is like, killing me, you know?" "Okay" says the fairy godmother, who whips out her magic wand and goes: "Abracapokus! You're brown!" The toad looks down and sees that he is brown! Except..... for his weenie, which was still yellow. "Hang about lady," he says to the fairy godmother, "My pecker's still yellow!" "Yeah, well I don't do weenies," she says, "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that." So the toad thanks her and hops off on his way. There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother (yes, okay, it's a coincidence, but it's true). "Fairy Godmother! You're just the person I need!" says the purple bear, "I can't pull any bearesses cos they don't want to be seen with a purple bear on account of the hunters. They can spot me from a mile off." Being a fairly nice fairy godmother, she takes out her magic wand. "Oh for goodness sake, what is the matter with you lot round here" she says and with that, she yells: "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!" The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown. Except for his goolies, which remain purple.. "Hold up sweetheart!" he says to the fairy Godmother, "My goolies are still purple!" "Yeah, well I don't do those goolie things," she replies, "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that." "Well that's just dandy, innit?" the bear replies, "How the hell do I find the Wizard of Oz?" "Easy," says the fairy godmother as she flew off saying......... "Just follow the yellow-prick toad !!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/janeybabygoboom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
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My 4 year old

While getting ready for my cousin's kids' birthday party she grabbed her toy wand and dropped this one:

"Daddy, will the party be wand-derful?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/free_range_veal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2015
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Got my friend at Scarborough Faire

Her: (looking at wooden wands) Hey, I'm looking for an elder wand. Do they have an elder wand?

Me: I dunno, how do you tell how old they are?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doubletwist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
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With great power.

Son was pretending to use the remote as a wand. "Avada Kedavra!" Looked at him. "You just killed the TV."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/earthwulf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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