Treated Puns

Me: it was an adjustment

It won't let her in.

... a little bit of salt.

for mustard gas exposure, would you ever catch up to previous health levels?

Food for thought

“Good bi-son”

I soon discovered that I had made a gross error of judgment.

an eye-opening experience.

man have I made a rash decision

Claiming he was already a cast member.

Because he was around bats all the time.

Call the doctor all you want, you're never going to be seen.

But even the judge thought she should keep the house.

I guess you could say it was tit for tat.

Oinkment.

eye love you.

The doctor's office was associated with the local medical college, so there were a couple of med students watching the senior doctor work on my son's toe. He loaded up a syringe with anesthetic and injected in multiple places, explaining that he was doing this to achieve digital blocking (that is, numbing the entire digit, namely the toe).

After it was done they left the nurse to bandage my son up, and he said, "Dad? What did he mean by digital blocking?"

"Well, when you weren't looking he hooked your toe up to a USB port and downloaded some MP3s into it. If you hold your foot close to your ear you can hear "Laaaaa, aaaaa aa aaaaah, close to you.""

The nurse stared at me and turned to my son. "Is he always like this?"

He silently nodded, looking at the floor...

You dad on them haters.

A Badonkadoncologist

I sliced the tip of my finger off on a kitchen mandolin and after much convincing from my wife we went to the ER.

Nurse: Sorry for the long wait and thank you for your patience.

Me: This patient's got patience, so no worries.

Wife, nurse and receptionist: groans

They merely wanted to provide a phone with the flexibility their customers demanded. It's clear that Apple bends over backwards for their fans, and they wanted to build a flagship phone which does so, too.

You could say that the iPhone 6+ is ... ahead of the curve.