My wife asked me, βWhy donβt you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?β
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parentsβ house...
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Better treat it gingerly!
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︎ Dec 15 2020
How does United Airlines treat their passengers?
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︎ Nov 23 2020
A dermatologist who treats boils without charging...
...would be a freelancer.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
How do Pirates treat sunburn?
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︎ Dec 04 2020
*me binge eating Christmas treats*
Jesus Christ what have you done to me!
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︎ Dec 24 2020
You can tell how people feel about your jokes by how they treat your gate.
If they leave it alone, they like your jokes. If they steal it, they've taken a fence.
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︎ Oct 18 2020
Going to treat myself to Velcro shoes, instead of laces.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
Why does HP treat it's assembly workers so badly?
Because if they lovedcrafting them, they'd become eldritch horrors
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︎ Dec 05 2020
As a newly qualified vet, I'm now allowed to treat animals.
Yesterday, I took a herd of cows out for drinks.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
What was Michael Jacksonβs favorite treat?
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︎ Nov 21 2020
My son is going to therapy in order to treat his aibohphobia
He is even scared of saying it
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︎ Nov 13 2020
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
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︎ Oct 04 2020
My wife said last night "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game"
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance
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︎ Jun 16 2020
What do they call cat treats in japan?
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︎ Sep 18 2020
I treat unknown dogs like a phone call...
I always check the collar ID
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Some children treat their parents like god.
They acts like they donβt exist until they want something.
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︎ May 09 2020
My wife said I can't treat people like objects.
I'm not so sure I can live with that.
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︎ Aug 05 2020
While I was walking the dog, our 4 yo was harassing my wife for a treat. She texted βSheβs trying to get a popsicle out of me.β
I responded βBut youβre not a freezer.β
I could feel the eye roll down the street.
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︎ Jul 19 2020
How does a simp doctor treats his patients?
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︎ Jun 11 2020
Why didnβt the vet treat the eagle?
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︎ Jul 05 2020
When a guy I know meets people, he says he likes to treat them to shark fishing on his boat...
He says he's gotten a lot of chums that way.
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︎ Apr 29 2020
My wife treats me like a baby, both in the bedroom and out.
She's my significant other mother.
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︎ May 18 2020
What is a dyslexic person's favorite movie treat?
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︎ Feb 11 2020
Trick or Treat
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︎ Oct 31 2019
I went into a pharmacy today and asked them βwhat can I get to treat the coronavirusβ. The girl replied βammonia cleanerβ
βOh sorry, I thought you worked hereβ
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︎ Mar 03 2020
I just hired a full time valet, and I found that people really treat you differently.
He has opened a lot of doors for me.
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︎ Feb 14 2020
Urine for a treat
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︎ Oct 21 2019
How will we treat the Coronavirus in Macau?
Hand me Maphone and I'll call Mavet.
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︎ Feb 04 2020
So i visited a neurologic clinic that, between other mental illness, treats Alzheimer patients. This was their main lobby's painting.
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︎ Sep 06 2019
Them: Donβt treat women like objects
Me: Women women = new Women();
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︎ Oct 22 2019
βͺAn evil French chef mixes Kryptonite in their treats and flings them at Superman. Batman arrives on the scene but does nothing, allowing Jimmy Olsen to catch the pastries in a net, at which point Superman saves the day. Itβs like they say:
Not all heroes snare crepes.
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︎ Dec 31 2019
I went to a French hospital and the wouldnβt treat me.
Apparently they have a rule where your bps must be zero over zero or infinity over infinity.
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︎ Dec 19 2019
Treat your wife to a night out
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︎ Oct 10 2019
FDA releases a new warning for black licorice this trick or treat season.
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︎ Oct 17 2019
I dont have any real ladders...just my step ladders....but I treat them the same...
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︎ May 13 2019
what kind of doctors treat sick fish?
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︎ Aug 08 2019
My kids treat me like God.
They ignore my existence and only talk to me when they need something.
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︎ Nov 01 2018
My wife treats me like god
She ignores my existence and talks to me when she needs something
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︎ Jul 15 2017
My wife was complaining that I treat like her a child.
So I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.
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︎ Nov 10 2018
My dad is opening a store selling farm tools and frozen treats.
It's called Pop's Sickle Stand
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︎ Apr 24 2019
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
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︎ Dec 13 2018
My wife asked me, βWhy donβt you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?β
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parentsβ house...
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jul 02 2020
My wife said to me: ''Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating?''
So I took her out to dinner, to a movie,
then I dropped her off at her parents'
place.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Mar 04 2020
My wife asked me "Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating ?''
So I took her to dinner, then a movie and dropped her off at her parents' house
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︎ Mar 14 2020
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