Dad passes daughter a fruit tray

dad: Pear with fig make a great pair *wink wink*

daughter: go figure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinkererJim
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
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He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.

No I have enough to carry as it is...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dartis_X-UI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
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My coworker keeps yelling about the tray of leftovers in the staff fridge stinking up the break room...

I finally snapped and told him to just put a lid on it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/knoxollo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
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My scrabble tray held the letters to make the word "STRIDES"

I have to be careful playing them though, or it could spell disaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ailyara
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Just cleaning out the fridge and found this dried up and shrivelled behind the egg tray. What a waste.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediWithBenefits
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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Someone went into our local Chinese shop, threw a whole tray of dumplings onto the ground, and stomped all over them.

It was an act of wonton destruction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepBlueCheese
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2018
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I love "leave a penny, take a penny" trays...

It just seems like common cents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/headexpl0dy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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Got my wife yesterday while preparing a fruit tray.

She was busy slicing the watermelon when I mentioned a YouTube video I had seen recently that talks about how you can grill it.

She asked about it and I told her how they basically cooked it like a steak.

"I guess that would make it filet MELON."

Her face got immediately red and she shook her head trying not to laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slotrod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2016
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Pulled a full ice tray out of the freezer..

..cracked it and sent ice cubes flying everywhere.

"This is why we can't have ice things."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MouseSaysDamn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2014
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Cleaning up dinner - I tripped and dropped the butter tray.

Dad - "Oh look, butterflies!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noimdoesnt42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2014
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Was making roast lamb for dinner and dropped the tray out of the oven .

It was a ca-lamb-ity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/torakwho
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2015
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Best punny ice cube trays. imgur.com/gallery/ave1w
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NopeNope44
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2013
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My dad delivered this Gem While I was breaking ice out of the ice tray...

Me: "Some of the ice just hit me in the face!" Dad: "I would too if you tried to break me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catlover_1990
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2014
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Bee-trayed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skelopun
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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My friend recently starting doing a lot of baking.

This morning he brought me a pie, a cake, a plate of cookies, and a tray of brownies. And then he just left! I don’t know why he deserted me like that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueTipi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
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Bad collection of puns

Remember, only come here for cringe, Because this is the ultimate Pun Collection.

  1. What does McDonalds say to the tray when it betrays them? "You traytor!"
  2. Does Spider Man live in an egg? Because i heard he lives in New Yolk.
  3. These puns aren't very eggciting.
  4. lettuce taco bout it?
  5. I will asalt you with puns!
  6. What if your problem involves telling a phone? JUST TELEPHONE ALREADY!
  7. What if Jake stands close to Johnny when talking? He Here's Johnny!
  8. Stop asalting my hard with your judging pursesonality!
  9. I'll play the Yandere Simulater later.
  10. You herd about that show? It's called Spongebob Swearpants.
  11. Why did you diss stew me? (kinda hard to get, but just say it out loud.)
  12. What does someone say sarcastically in the middle of an intense war that was caused by someone? TANKS TO YOU!
  13. What type of plane that loves bounce? Boeing!
  14. How many money did we owe? It said it on the letter right? I don't know, you shou
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titanium_Steel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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So my Microwave broke

Right now we've got a standard whirlpool. One basic box, with a rotating center tray. No frills.

I'm looking at a newer model. It's split in the center, and there's a second rotating tray. Also, it's voice activated.

What do you think?

Should I stick with what I've got or should I get Two Turn Tables and a Microphone?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DairyCanary5
πŸ“…︎ May 09
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Where should you throw your cigarette butts?

In the ass-tray.

(Don't litter, kids.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Servali_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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How do we know that the Norman's ate small portions of Spanish food?

Because of the Bayeux Tapas Tray!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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My best work so far.

At work, there was a metal catering tray filled to the brim with cold water sittin' around for no reason so I asked the receptionist/coworker, who has said repeatedly that she just can't stand me, if I should dump it. She looked at me, smiled and said "If you can." I responded "without spilling it?" In a 'of course I'm not going to spill but dont rule it out' way. She said "Yes." Silently giving me good luck. Fortunately, I done did the deed and no brand new flooring was harmed. I then proceeded to google water jokes. After that, I walked up to her desk, glanced into her soul for the slightest moment while greeting, "Hey Sarah" , then I swiftly looked downwards as she asked, "Yeah?" I THEN told her this, "I don't know about you but unlike that cold water I just dumped". I pause, regain eye contact and finished with, "boiling water will be mist."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dafuq0_0
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Last joke of my grandpa

We were seeing him in the hospital for the last time with our family and at some point my aunt asked who of us want coffee. We counted coffee drinkers among us and my aunt said "Ok, I'll bring a full tray"

My grandpa lifted his head for the last time and said "rather bring that in a cup, it's so hard to drink from the tray"

He was amazing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/regardos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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I burnt 2600 calories yesterday!

I forgot the tray of brownies in the oven.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/royaj77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2017
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I just threw my father's ashes in the garbage...

I wish he'd stop smoking or empty the tray himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snowmansni
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Question About Empanadas...

So there is this super amazing girl, and she loves two things. Puns and empanadas. I want to ask her to prom while gifting her with many beef empanadas, but I really want to find a pun to use on her as I present the tray of food. Do you guys have any empanada based puns?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/floormat1000
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2016
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dad jokes my SO today

me: Honey, I burned almost 2000 calories today!!
her: Congrats!
me: Yeah, I left the tray of cookies in the oven too long and they were burnt to a crisp
her: ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pandahipstermagic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2015
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Coffee

I was on the plane and the man came round with the refreshment tray and asks "you for coffee?" So i replied, "you fuck offy i was here first"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lieghannsheriden
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
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Soft taco

Long ago in a Taco Bell far, far away...

Cute Girl Behind Counter: Here's your order.

Me: (noticing a soft taco on the tray) I wanted a hard taco.

Girl: (uncertain what to do)

Dad: Try rubbing it a little. Usually works for me.

(sigh)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Webhoard
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2013
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What happens when you try to print a PB&J?

Jam in tray 1.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rabidmilkman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2017
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I could see his eyes light up as I unknowingly provided the set-up.

Me: banging an ice cube tray on the kitchen counter to get the ice out

Dad: Who's making all that racket?

Me: Me, I'm trying to break the ice

Dad: Why, is nobody talking to you? Ahahaaaaaaa.

Dad goes back to eBay

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatering
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
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My dad and I were at a Mexican restaurant

A waiter in a sombrero barely missed me when he was walking past with a tray of drinks.

My dad leaned over and said: "that was a close Juan"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theonlyalec
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
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Betrayed.

I'm a server at a restaurant and we were busy.

I walk up with 4 drinks and set them on a tray.

Me: I'm taking this tray, hopefully no one's using it.

Other server: well it's yours now....

Me: sorry, didn't mean to be-tray you...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shwoople
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2014
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My friends dad is a dad.

At a restaurant (friends name is Trae) :

Server: " would you like a tray for that? "

His dad: "no I brought my own!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeflipster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2014
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Got my boss today...

So at my internship I have to go through these massive cabinets and sort out hundreds of drills, endmills, boring bars etc. While I was finishing a tray of tap drills my boss comes up and says "Are you having any fun yet?" Without a beat I say "Honestly I'm about ready to tap out..." I could hear his groan above the noise of the machines in the shop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sumthing45
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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A few days ago at work

I begin to pour the remainder of the freshly cooked chips from the tray on to the plate. At the bottom I notice there are some fries left in the tray. Coworker leans in and says "Surfries!"

I set the tray down and we cackle over the remark. Manager quickly puts his hand on the counter and flips the tray up, sending a small portion of salty fries into and around his eye. I turn to my coworker: "Surfries!"

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
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I called my dad to see how some cookies I made came out...

Me: So, how'd they come out?

Dad: Well, I put my oven glove on, grabbed the tray, slid it out of the oven, and then slid them on the stove, so I'd say they came out pretty smooth.

Me: Oh my god, Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andhareall
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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Train station attendant was a Dad.

The bus ride to the station had been very stressful. I spent the entire time worrying if the bus even stopped at the train station. I ended up spending nearly an hour making two loops around the city before I finally realized that I had to hop off near the station. Public transport. Jesus.

I'd missed the train I wanted to catch due to my hour-long bus ride, so I had some time to kill before the next one arrived. It had been cold and raining when I left in the morning, but by lunch time it was warm and I was sweating, standing on the station in a big yellow hoodie and jeans.

I had overslept and skipped breakfast earlier, so I resolved not to let the loud farts coming from the old man next to me kill my appetite. I was desperate for a snack.

Initially the vending machine told me it would accept "EXACT CHANGE ONLY". Slightly annoying, but no real problem: I just fished out my change, inserted some alternative coins and punched in the number. I watched the object of my desire inch fo

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Revoran
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
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i need help fellow r/puns residents i need to come up with 80’s themed puns for a veggie tray and chocolate mouse

Edit: I was not born in the 80’s I will not get any of the references

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboi_15
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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