πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awkwardyeti
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awkwardyeti
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2013
🚨︎ report
Why were the eggs Benedict served on a shiny platter on Christmas morning?

Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gnazz23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2016
🚨︎ report
This was served to me on a silver platter...

My friend is in the process of moving and was asked how the move was expected to go.

β€œIt should be pretty easy, I have very little furniture”

β€œReally? You’re kinda a big guy.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SeventhShin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter

. "Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot." "Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œGrand”dad joke: What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?

A Platterpuss

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HardKnox47
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.

As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSomerandomguy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
🚨︎ report
My transformation is almost complete

So my wife is currently working from home and her employer decided to send her a hamper package in the mail. It was quite nice but pretty standard stuff. Wine, some cookies, crackers and also a bottle extra virgin olive oil (came with a cheese platter kit)

Wife was pretty happy about the fancy packaging and showed it to me saying "look they even sent extra virgin olive oil in this little fancy bottle for cheese platters!"

My response? "Aww that poor olive oil bottle never had sex? So sad!"

...Pls send help

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hyperpuma
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked for a PB&J

I delivered it on a dad joke platter

http://imgur.com/a/98MD4lO

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pladhoc
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A struggling young news reporter was having trouble getting good sound bites from the politicians she was sent out to interview, so she invited an experienced colleague out to dinner to ask for advice.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/podgress
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Classy Birthday Party

We had a little family get together for my sister's birthday last week. My dad bought a platter of cheese and a bottle of merlot. He said "Cheese, they say, gets better as it ages. I don't want to hear you wine about getting older".

Groan

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeffskidding
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Pizza dad joke (judt happened)

The whole family is at a pizzeria. We get 2 pies. They come out on cardboard on top of the platter.

My dad goes, "How do you think they keep the cardboard from burning in the oven?"

Hes the only one who laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fpac
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
🚨︎ report
Cracked a dad joke on the most appropriate day: my dad's birthday

Preface: My dad, mom, and I went out to eat mexican food. Like we usually do, we order a huge platter of nachos and demolish the whole thing. Surely we are full even before our main course arrives. We all ordered combination platters that consisted of, burritos, enchiladas, and tacos which were overflowing with lettuce that no one except for my mom wanted to eat. My mom kept on nagging my dad and I to eat the lettuce so that it would lighten us up and make us feel less full:

Mom (for the 10th time): You boys should eat your lettuce. Come on now.

Me: Mom lettuce be!

Immediately my mom cringed and groaned, while my dad, after repeating the joke, gave a hearty chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadsspaghetti
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad dadjoked a waiter.

I was at a restaurant with my family, when my dad did this: The waitress was a little clumsy, and almost dropped her platter of glasses while collecting empty ones. While doing this, she muttered under her breath "God...". My dad heard this and his first response instinct was to say "Yes? You called?" The waitress laughed and so did I, but still, it was a dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ebonhearted
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2014
🚨︎ report
We were at a German restaurant...

They had a sign saying the specials of each day of the week. Monday was "Two wurst platter for $8.99"

My stepdad pointed it out and said "Man, nine bucks for the worst food, that doesn't really seem like a good deal. I wonder which one is worst."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thepobv
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.