Why were the eggs Benedict served on a shiny platter on Christmas morning?

Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

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👤︎ u/gnazz23
📅︎ Dec 23 2016
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter

. "Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot." "Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."

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👤︎ u/Firegoat1
📅︎ Dec 22 2018
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A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.

As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.

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📅︎ Dec 31 2016
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My transformation is almost complete

So my wife is currently working from home and her employer decided to send her a hamper package in the mail. It was quite nice but pretty standard stuff. Wine, some cookies, crackers and also a bottle extra virgin olive oil (came with a cheese platter kit)

Wife was pretty happy about the fancy packaging and showed it to me saying "look they even sent extra virgin olive oil in this little fancy bottle for cheese platters!"

My response? "Aww that poor olive oil bottle never had sex? So sad!"

...Pls send help

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👤︎ u/Hyperpuma
📅︎ Dec 02 2020
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A struggling young news reporter was having trouble getting good sound bites from the politicians she was sent out to interview, so she invited an experienced colleague out to dinner to ask for advice.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

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👤︎ u/podgress
📅︎ Nov 07 2019
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Pizza dad joke (judt happened)

The whole family is at a pizzeria. We get 2 pies. They come out on cardboard on top of the platter.

My dad goes, "How do you think they keep the cardboard from burning in the oven?"

Hes the only one who laughed.

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👤︎ u/fpac
📅︎ Oct 26 2013
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Cracked a dad joke on the most appropriate day: my dad's birthday

Preface: My dad, mom, and I went out to eat mexican food. Like we usually do, we order a huge platter of nachos and demolish the whole thing. Surely we are full even before our main course arrives. We all ordered combination platters that consisted of, burritos, enchiladas, and tacos which were overflowing with lettuce that no one except for my mom wanted to eat. My mom kept on nagging my dad and I to eat the lettuce so that it would lighten us up and make us feel less full:

Mom (for the 10th time): You boys should eat your lettuce. Come on now.

Me: Mom lettuce be!

Immediately my mom cringed and groaned, while my dad, after repeating the joke, gave a hearty chuckle.

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📅︎ May 24 2014
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My dad dadjoked a waiter.

I was at a restaurant with my family, when my dad did this: The waitress was a little clumsy, and almost dropped her platter of glasses while collecting empty ones. While doing this, she muttered under her breath "God...". My dad heard this and his first response instinct was to say "Yes? You called?" The waitress laughed and so did I, but still, it was a dad joke.

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📅︎ Aug 26 2014
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We were at a German restaurant...

They had a sign saying the specials of each day of the week. Monday was "Two wurst platter for $8.99"

My stepdad pointed it out and said "Man, nine bucks for the worst food, that doesn't really seem like a good deal. I wonder which one is worst."

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👤︎ u/thepobv
📅︎ May 13 2014
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