The local pub stepped up there pun game
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︎ Jul 16 2018
Everyone keeps telling me there's 26 letters in the alphabet, not 25
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︎ Feb 14 2021
An alcoholic wakes up in jail and asks the nearest officer why he's there
"For excessive drinking" the officer replies
So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"
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︎ Feb 23 2021
I just heard there's a new Canadian strain of covid
People are showing up to the hospital eh-symptomatic
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︎ Feb 04 2021
Thereβs tons of liquidity in this market
π︎ 382
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︎ Feb 03 2021
There's a woman in the park selling batteries...
She sells, C cells by the seesaw.
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︎ Feb 16 2021
I see what you did there ( Ν‘β ΝΚ Ν‘β)
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︎ Dec 29 2020
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
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︎ Nov 05 2020
There are two unwritten rules in life
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︎ Jan 19 2021
There's a term for people like Trump
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
An old guy goes to the chemist and asks the pharmacist, "Is there some pills that can help with sex?" The pharmacist says, "Yes, Viagra, it's awesome, I take it myself" The old guy asks, "Can you get it over the counter?" Pharmacist replies, "If I took 2 or 3, probably."
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︎ Feb 23 2021
See what I did there?
π︎ 3k
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︎ Oct 30 2020
I asked my wife, βDid you know thereβs a fruit that gives you your entire potassium requirement for the day?β
My wife: Thatβs bananas.
Me: I know, I couldnβt believe it either.
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π
︎ Feb 23 2021
There were a group of elderly people say with their phones.
They repeatedly tapped their screens... Read more
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π
︎ Feb 25 2021
There's just no reason for women to behave the way they do when they're on their period....
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︎ Feb 23 2021
There's a medicine you can buy that apparently cures scepticism.
π︎ 225
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
There are two kinds of people in this world, those who spell it doughnut
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 11 2021
There are so many different things you can do with spaghetti.
Itβs mind-blowing to think of all the pasta-bilities.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison.
Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
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π
︎ Oct 14 2020
After this week's bad weather in Texas, there'll probably be a baby boom in nine months.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
There's an Amazon Forest but no Microsoft Forest - why is that?
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︎ Dec 24 2020
Loves it out there
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︎ Feb 11 2021
If thereβs a line of gay people, itβs not a straight line...
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π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Thereβs some money down the drain
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︎ Feb 18 2021
There are some people who are happy,
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︎ Feb 17 2021
The guys there were really bonding...
π︎ 19
π
︎ Feb 06 2021
There are two types of people
- Those who can extrapolate conclusions from incomplete data.
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π
︎ Jan 21 2021
Thereβs two old men sitting on their front porch when a dog comes up and starts licking itβs junk
One of the old men goes, man I wish I could do that.
The other says, you canβt do that. That dogβll bite you.
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π
︎ Jan 31 2021
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
π︎ 27k
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
I told my mother-in-law there's a leek in her sink.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
How do you know if thereβs an elephant under your bed,
Your nose is touching the ceiling
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π
︎ Feb 25 2021
There used to be a cat on Mars...
But then... Curiousity killed the cat.
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π
︎ Feb 21 2021
He's gonna reach there one way or an otter
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π
︎ Jan 25 2021
Ah, I see what you did there
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
The nurse tells the doctor: "There's an invisible man in the waiting room."
The doctor replies: "Tell him I can't see him now."
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︎ Feb 04 2021
I see "what you did there".
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π
︎ Jan 30 2021
There's way more cool stuff
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π
︎ Nov 03 2020
Rudolph the red and his wife were on a stroll. Rudolph the red looked up at the sky and said "we should hurry up, there is a storm comming". So his wife asked "how do u know" and he replied...
"Rudolph the red knows rain dear"
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π
︎ Oct 09 2020
There's a new band out called The 640 MB
But they still haven't gotten a single gig.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
How can there be a national coin shortage?
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π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Why are there rules in croquet?
So they can have lawn order.
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π
︎ Feb 26 2021
Is there anyone who would act in a movie based on J.R.R Tolkien's The Silmarillion?
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︎ Feb 13 2021
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse
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︎ Feb 20 2021
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
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π
︎ Jan 24 2021
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Sadly, only a fraction of people will get this joke
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π
︎ Dec 24 2020
There were 2 monkeys sitting in the bath...
One says to the other: 'oooooo eeeeee oooooo aaaaa'
The other says: 'put the cold tap on then!'
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
How many seconds are there in a year.
12 second
Edit1: Since so many of you guys are confused, it's like January second, February second and so on.
Edit2: No 22nd doesn't count.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
In Ancient Rome, there were four types of poisons. Poisons I, II, and III would kill you instantly.
Poison IV would just make you kinda itchy
π︎ 57
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
In ancient Rome there were four different types of poison...
Poisons I, II, and III were deadly...
Poison IV just made you itchy.
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π
︎ Feb 10 2021
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