The local pub stepped up there pun game
πŸ‘︎ 524
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acbareac
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Everyone keeps telling me there's 26 letters in the alphabet, not 25

But I don't know Y

πŸ‘︎ 323
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Work4Bots
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I just heard there's a new Canadian strain of covid

People are showing up to the hospital eh-symptomatic

πŸ‘︎ 489
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eleece
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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There’s tons of liquidity in this market
πŸ‘︎ 379
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
There's a woman in the park selling batteries...

She sells, C cells by the seesaw.

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I see what you did there ( ͑❛ ΝœΚ– ͑❛)
πŸ‘︎ 621
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
There are two unwritten rules in life
πŸ‘︎ 626
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πŸ‘€︎ u/felinebarbecue
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.

It's a faux pa.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a term for people like Trump

Evidently not two though

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meemsouprice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
There are two kinds of people in this world, those who spell it doughnut

and those who donut

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saeldaug
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
There are so many different things you can do with spaghetti.

It’s mind-blowing to think of all the pasta-bilities.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vinyldoctor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
See what I did there?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Aitch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a medicine you can buy that apparently cures scepticism.

But I'm not buying it.

πŸ‘︎ 225
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Loves it out there
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
There's an Amazon Forest but no Microsoft Forest - why is that?

It's been logged out.

πŸ‘︎ 469
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πŸ‘€︎ u/World-Tight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison.

Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnakehoundXE
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If there’s a line of gay people, it’s not a straight line...

It’s an LGBT Queue

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evanthekid16
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The guys there were really bonding...
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomMemer_42069
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
There are two types of people
  1. Those who can extrapolate conclusions from incomplete data.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/welfarewonders
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
There’s two old men sitting on their front porch when a dog comes up and starts licking it’s junk

One of the old men goes, man I wish I could do that.

The other says, you can’t do that. That dog’ll bite you.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frozeneskimo02
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my mother-in-law there's a leek in her sink.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NationYell
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
There are some people who are happy,
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamnothingtoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
He's gonna reach there one way or an otter
πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schymer27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens

πŸ‘︎ 27k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tecniklee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The nurse tells the doctor: "There's an invisible man in the waiting room."

The doctor replies: "Tell him I can't see him now."

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_L_v_e_S
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I see "what you did there".
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Ah, I see what you did there
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/despasadness
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Is there anyone who would act in a movie based on J.R.R Tolkien's The Silmarillion?

Elijah Wood

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
There's way more cool stuff
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stont753
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.

This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxyCamoCat738
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
How can there be a national coin shortage?

Makes no cents.

πŸ‘︎ 579
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_live_in_a_truck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Rudolph the red and his wife were on a stroll. Rudolph the red looked up at the sky and said "we should hurry up, there is a storm comming". So his wife asked "how do u know" and he replied...

"Rudolph the red knows rain dear"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/13harry09
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator

Sadly, only a fraction of people will get this joke

πŸ‘︎ 230
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NidalFlame
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How many seconds are there in a year.

12 second

Edit1: Since so many of you guys are confused, it's like January second, February second and so on.

Edit2: No 22nd doesn't count.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsanandhere
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
There's a gang going through the shops in our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order.

The Police believe they’re still at large.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheifsup
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
There’s a new mirror factory in town!

I can see myself working there

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahunfiltered
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
There’s no loud laughing permitted in Hawaii.

Just a low ha.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rob_Haggis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Playing β€œtag” in the Addams Family must be very confusing if your cousin’s there...
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
... In an ocean of knowledge. Sea what I did there?
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Curlygig
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
There's a new musical out called "The Mystery of Tide Pods"

Apparently it's a Soap Opera.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard there was quarrel between Carbon alloys

I bet it was graphite.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbsxact7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Pack it in there.
πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D0NW0N
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a religious veterinarian who has a strict rule that only one vet can work on large animals at a time

Because it is a sin to co-vet an oxen or donkey.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glowing-fishSCL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
When there is a strong gust, I often let it take the wheel and steer...

I love a driving wind.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Did y’all know there no canary’s in the Canary Islands? The Virgin Islands are the same!

There aren’t any canary’s there either.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
In Ancient Rome, there were four types of poisons. Poisons I, II, and III would kill you instantly.

Poison IV would just make you kinda itchy

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_iguano_man
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
In ancient Rome there were four different types of poison...

Poisons I, II, and III were deadly...

Poison IV just made you itchy.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hicks4183
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report

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