Anyone out there interested in buying my DeLorean ? Great condition, low mileage..
.. really only driven from time to time.
You know, out West they're started to ban those big round bales of hay you see in that field over there..
.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.
(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).
For all the music players out there. What do musicians pray to?
Do you know how many clickbait articles there are out on the Internet now?
The answer may shock you.
I went into the kitchen this morning and there was a "Get better soon" card on the table for me. I called out to my wife asking what it was for because I wasn't sick.
She shouted back from the other room "It's an ultimatum."
Warning to all you dadjokers out there.
Keep it up and there may be punintended consequences.
There's a new band out called The 640 MB
But they still haven't gotten a single gig.
There's a new musical out called "The Mystery of Tide Pods"
Apparently it's a Soap Opera.
There are some phenomenal deals out there right now
I just got an 84-inch screen TV for my family. Not gonna lie, it was a pretty good trade.
Did you know Pecans are one of the most positive type of nuts out there...
Else, they’d be called Pecants
A joke for the Spanish speakers out there: ¿Cuántos estrellas están en el cielo?
There's a new film about oxygen that's coming out soon, but there's no date.
I wonder when it will air.
There's a new type of broom out
Its sweeping the nation and the competition
There was once a old grape farmer, who had gone through many droughts. When his grapes had fallen and dried out, all he could say was....
Everything happens for a raisin.
Dad went out to this field and sent me a picture of himself there.
The caption read ‘I’m outstanding in this field!’
As a short guy, I was completely sure there was nothing to be done about my height. I went to the doctor, turns out I had scoliosis.
Just found out there's a Law & Order UK.
It's produced by Spotted Dick Wolf.
what, would you say, is the craziest kind of road out there?
my votes for the cycle-path.
Of all the Tolkien-esque fantasy races out there, which ones are the most unique?
Gnomes.
There's no race like gnome.
I really wanted to be there for the birth of my child. I drove like an idiot and almost got into an accident. But when I reached the hospital, I found out it was all for nothing.
Son: Dad there is a monster coming out of my closet
Dad: Don't worry son, just be supportive.
My open letter to all you Dads out there:
Turns out there’s a group of people who believe the earth is just a rented apartment from galactic British overlords
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is he’s out there making a living as a comedian
You gotta give him props for that
Here's a joke I made for my fellow Nicks out there :
Don't ask me for 5 cents anytime soon...
because I'm Nicholas.
(that's right! a joke only we can tell!)
My wife stood up and said, “It’s over”, and started walking out on me. I just sat there.
I love watching the end credits of a movie.
To all the women out there who say size doesn’t matter:
You are all extremely shallow
Anyone out there still fascinated with Roman numerals ?
I've got a joke for all you mind readers out there
"Why is there music coming out of your printer ?"
"That be the paper jammin' again"
Anyone out there any preference for their favorite island to visit..?
There's a rather unknown Greek myth that involved Zeus farting so loudly that it caused powerful lightning storms all over Greece. Panic and chaos ensued, and there was widespread looting as fires raged out on control.
Thus began the Zeus Toot Riots.
I need help from all the dads out there...
You are tasked with making an advertisement for an amusement park, however you want to make it to STOP people from coming to the carnival... I'm curious to see your advertisements, also try to keep the jokes under 50 words.
There was this really advanced and expensive cologne that came out last week.
I just found out that there are people who don't know what water barriers are called
A family was out hunting and the mother said it was time to go. The father replied, I’ll be right there, let me just...
I lost my watch at a party once, turns out there was a guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. I went over to him a punched him, saying, “No one does that to a woman...
If you're Canadian when you go into the bathroom and again when you come out.. What are you whilst you're in there?
A pun for the desi people out there. [When did life become OYO from Yo! We’ll never know.]
One for all the musicians out there sorry not sorry
For anyone out there that doesn't know what introspection means..
They need to take a long hard look at themselves.
For all th H. P. Lovecraft fans out there
Instead of calling it the "zombie apocalypse", why not just call it the Necro-nom-athon?
For all you weebs out there.
Wife: I know you don’t like olives, but there are so many in this salad. I can’t get them out.
There’s a new type of broom out
it’s sweeping the nation.
My wife just said, “It’s over”, and started walking out on me —-I just sat there.
I really enjoy watching the end credits.
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