Anyone out there interested in buying my DeLorean ? Great condition, low mileage..
.. really only driven from time to time.
π︎ 708
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︎ Apr 19 2021
You know, out West they're started to ban those big round bales of hay you see in that field over there..
.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.
(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 14 2021
For all the music players out there. What do musicians pray to?
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Do you know how many clickbait articles there are out on the Internet now?
The answer may shock you.
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 12 2021
I went into the kitchen this morning and there was a "Get better soon" card on the table for me. I called out to my wife asking what it was for because I wasn't sick.
She shouted back from the other room "It's an ultimatum."
π︎ 34
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︎ Mar 19 2021
Warning to all you dadjokers out there.
Keep it up and there may be punintended consequences.
π︎ 18
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︎ Mar 12 2021
Loves it out there
π︎ 30
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︎ Feb 11 2021
There's a new band out called The 640 MB
But they still haven't gotten a single gig.
π︎ 10
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︎ Feb 24 2021
There's a new musical out called "The Mystery of Tide Pods"
Apparently it's a Soap Opera.
π︎ 24
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︎ Feb 11 2021
There are some phenomenal deals out there right now
I just got an 84-inch screen TV for my family. Not gonna lie, it was a pretty good trade.
π︎ 14
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︎ Feb 08 2021
Did you know Pecans are one of the most positive type of nuts out there...
Else, theyβd be called Pecants
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 25 2021
A joke for the Spanish speakers out there: ΒΏCuΓ‘ntos estrellas estΓ‘n en el cielo?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
There's a new film about oxygen that's coming out soon, but there's no date.
I wonder when it will air.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
There's a new type of broom out
Its sweeping the nation and the competition
π︎ 15
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︎ Dec 03 2020
There was once a old grape farmer, who had gone through many droughts. When his grapes had fallen and dried out, all he could say was....
Everything happens for a raisin.
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Dad went out to this field and sent me a picture of himself there.
The caption read βIβm outstanding in this field!β
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 13 2020
As a short guy, I was completely sure there was nothing to be done about my height. I went to the doctor, turns out I had scoliosis.
π︎ 225
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︎ Aug 23 2020
Just found out there's a Law & Order UK.
It's produced by Spotted Dick Wolf.
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 29 2020
what, would you say, is the craziest kind of road out there?
my votes for the cycle-path.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
I really wanted to be there for the birth of my child. I drove like an idiot and almost got into an accident. But when I reached the hospital, I found out it was all for nothing.
π︎ 16
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︎ Nov 05 2020
Son: Dad there is a monster coming out of my closet
Dad: Don't worry son, just be supportive.
π︎ 9
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︎ Oct 27 2020
My open letter to all you Dads out there:
π︎ 33
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︎ Aug 12 2020
Turns out thereβs a group of people who believe the earth is just a rented apartment from galactic British overlords
π︎ 10
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is heβs out there making a living as a comedian
You gotta give him props for that
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 26 2020
Here's a joke I made for my fellow Nicks out there :
Don't ask me for 5 cents anytime soon...
because I'm Nicholas.
(that's right! a joke only we can tell!)
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 28 2020
My wife stood up and said, βItβs overβ, and started walking out on me. I just sat there.
I love watching the end credits of a movie.
π︎ 59
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
To all the women out there who say size doesnβt matter:
You are all extremely shallow
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
Anyone out there still fascinated with Roman numerals ?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
I've got a joke for all you mind readers out there
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
"Why is there music coming out of your printer ?"
"That be the paper jammin' again"
π︎ 21
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︎ Aug 16 2020
There's a rather unknown Greek myth that involved Zeus farting so loudly that it caused powerful lightning storms all over Greece. Panic and chaos ensued, and there was widespread looting as fires raged out on control.
Thus began the Zeus Toot Riots.
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 07 2020
Anyone out there any preference for their favorite island to visit..?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
I need help from all the dads out there...
You are tasked with making an advertisement for an amusement park, however you want to make it to STOP people from coming to the carnival... I'm curious to see your advertisements, also try to keep the jokes under 50 words.
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 13 2020
There was this really advanced and expensive cologne that came out last week.
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 28 2020
I just found out that there are people who don't know what water barriers are called
π︎ 18
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︎ Jul 27 2020
I lost my watch at a party once, turns out there was a guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. I went over to him a punched him, saying, βNo one does that to a woman...
π︎ 15
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︎ Aug 24 2020
A family was out hunting and the mother said it was time to go. The father replied, Iβll be right there, let me just...
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 23 2020
If you're Canadian when you go into the bathroom and again when you come out.. What are you whilst you're in there?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 02 2020
A pun for the desi people out there. [When did life become OYO from Yo! Weβll never know.]
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 19 2020
One for all the musicians out there sorry not sorry
π︎ 30
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︎ Jan 24 2020
For anyone out there that doesn't know what introspection means..
They need to take a long hard look at themselves.
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 10 2020
For all th H. P. Lovecraft fans out there
Instead of calling it the "zombie apocalypse", why not just call it the Necro-nom-athon?
π︎ 14
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︎ May 22 2020
For all you weebs out there.
π︎ 453
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︎ Oct 05 2019
Anyone out there worried about the Universe ever imploding..?
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 14 2020
Thereβs a new type of broom out
itβs sweeping the nation.
π︎ 13
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︎ Dec 06 2020
My wife just said, βItβs overβ, and started walking out on me β-I just sat there.
I really enjoy watching the end credits.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Mar 19 2019
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