Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
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︎ Jan 26 2021
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
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︎ Feb 10 2021
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
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︎ Dec 08 2020
The United States Postal Service got jokes
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︎ Aug 10 2020
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
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︎ Aug 03 2020
What's the difference between the United States and United Kingdom
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︎ Jul 13 2020
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the SpanishβAmerican War, had dogs to go with them...
The were The Ruff Riders.
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︎ Jul 01 2020
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?
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︎ Feb 18 2020
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
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︎ Dec 07 2017
The United States is a cancer.
Its birthday is July 4th.
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︎ Feb 22 2020
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...
There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.
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︎ Jan 19 2020
Today is Boxing Day in the UK, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. Do you know when Boxing Day is celebrated in the United States?
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︎ Dec 26 2019
We need to add three more states to the United States of America
53 states would make it a prime number; One nation, indivisible.
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︎ May 18 2017
If the United States annexed all of Canada and multiplied itβs area by two, what would you get?
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︎ Dec 06 2019
In the United States, youβre American.
But in the bathroom, European.
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︎ Oct 15 2018
My office space is a cubicle, president of the United States has an oval.
Someone has been cutting corners.
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︎ Jul 31 2018
Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming βMickey Mouseβ!
When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked βWhy did you scream Mickey Mouse?β And the secret serviceman said βI was trying to say Donald Duck!β
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︎ Mar 11 2019
Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?
The Air Force, because they're US AF.
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︎ Dec 29 2018
President Trump has announced a ban on all shredded cheese in the United States.
In doing so he promises to Make America Grate Again.
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︎ Dec 25 2018
what do you call an air conditioning unit in the capital of the united states?
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︎ Mar 15 2019
What is the longest name for a boy in the United States, but not in most other countries?
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︎ Jan 27 2019
My foreign friend moved to the United States and brought his sick bird with him.
Unfortunately, he was arrested for being an ill-eagle immigrant.
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︎ Feb 23 2019
If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?
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︎ Nov 24 2018
I was throwing darts at a map of the continental united states when I...
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︎ Jun 17 2018
My dad when we were talking about recent crime in the United States...
Dad: Hey did you hear a bout what happened in Texas the other day?
Me: No, what happened?
Dad: Well there was these kids standing on an overpass of the highway, and they were dangling a noose over the edge trying to distract drivers. After a while the noose gets lower and lower and ends up catching a guys hand hanging out of the window, and ripped it clean off.
Me: Holy Shit no way that happened?!
Dad: Yup! And guess what they charged the kid with?
Me: I have no idea.
Dad: Armed Robbery....
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︎ Sep 18 2013
The first president of the United States had to deal with a lot of laundry.
He was washing ton of it.
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︎ Aug 28 2017
My dad said that Texas should hold a vote to secede from the United States.
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︎ Jun 26 2016
What's the No. 2 antibiotic in the United States?
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︎ Feb 26 2016
My dad just sent me this. " Today's Windsor Star says that Wiz Khalifa was arrested for public urination behind a bar in the United States."
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︎ Oct 13 2015
Got Dad joked in front of the Surgeon General of the United States today
So I'm at the promotion ceremony of my girlfriend's Dad today. He's being promoted to Assistant Surgeon General so it's a pretty big deal. He's giving his speech and he's acknowledging all the people who are in his life and have come today to celebrate with him. He says this with Surgeon General Murthy sitting behind him, "there are also two of my daughters boyfriends here with me, Mr other daughter's boyfriend, and Mr. Jack The_Baboons_Ass. Let me tell you something about the Mr. The_Baboons_Ass, if you don't know him, you don't know Jack."
The Surgeon General looks on not knowing what too think while I'm cracking up. The Surgeon General then comes up to me after the ceremony and introduces himself, saying "Nice to meet you Jack, I guess I do know Jack now" and walks away
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︎ Jan 16 2015
There's no way to know how many anarchists there are in the United States.
It's not like they have meetings or anything.
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︎ Sep 03 2013
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?
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︎ Feb 20 2020
Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?
The Air Force; they're US AF
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︎ Dec 29 2018
The United States Air Force is more than American...
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︎ Jan 23 2019
The United States...
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︎ Mar 24 2012
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