That prayer in Congress got me thinking

It shouldn’t be menstrual, it should be womenstrual

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πŸ‘€︎ u/earthrogue
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Why was the horse voted out of Congress?

Because he was always voting Neigh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soupsandwich189
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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Did you hear Congress proposed a law banning tank tops?

It didn't pass because it violated the right to bare arms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/polarbearparanoia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain...

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Congress is sending cows into space again...

It’s the herd shot round the world. I think it will be an udder disappointment. When they land we will all have ground beef.

  • dad shooting from the 3 point line πŸ’πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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Congress just passed legislation limiting the number of hats an individual may own.

They put a cap on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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What do you call an LSD party in the Congress?

Hallucinate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imadnsn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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I just need dad joke enthusiasts to know that the International Poultry Meat Congress is held in Turkey this year.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilipGlassEye
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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I heard Congress was overrun with tiny lizards last week.

Turned out it was Fake Newts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hoozin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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Julius Caesar was stabbed several times by his own congress

Making him, contrary to popular belief, the first holey Roman emperor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kisskissyesyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Isn't the opposite of progress.. congress?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i3loke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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Did you hear the new debate Congress is having on planes?

It’s ok if you haven’t, the decision is still up in the air.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XenoOnTrial
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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Life is like Congress

You go to work everyday and never really get anything done

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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Why do people bother fighting for seats in the Congress?

All they have to do is bring their own chair.

-organically sourced from my dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AthenaBird
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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A horse served a short term in Congress.

He was recalled for being a habitual naysayer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Interlection
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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What did congress do when it found out multiple senators were engaging in BDSM activities?

They formed a subcommittee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ayhood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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What do you call a Dinosaur that is elected to Congress?

Rep. Tile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/perezgc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
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President Biden Set to Announce Support for Legalizing Marijuana

The announcement will be made to a joint session of Congress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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If Pro is the opposite of Con, what is the opposite of progress?

And don't forget constitution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Horse congresses

I’ll bet horse congresses never pass any bills.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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Which building has the most stories?

A library.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDeathDragon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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What do you call a group of baboons?

A Congress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slothwarriorIV
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Congress

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanadianCuber
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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My dads favorite

Did you hear that Congress is trying to make round hay bales illegal?

The cows can't get a square meal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cmjandro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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How do you mend a broken Jackolantern?

With a Pumpkin patch.


Shamelessly reposted from the Library of Congress twitter account.

https://twitter.com/librarycongress/status/923559845927809026

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atomic1fire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
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My 87 year old grandpa has still got it

We were talking about the government shutdown when he said....

"Well congress tried to move the bill through the house but they couldn't budget."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeltrane
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2013
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I was very pleased with myself in today's meeting.

The presenter was talking about this trade program, and how if Congress doesn't renew it, we're going to see a huge increase in the price of pants. He said the effect of this is really regressive, since the people it affects the most are the ones who can least afford it.

I decided to chime in, "Yeah, really hits them below the belt."

Actually got a halfway decent laugh.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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Dadjoked by a Constitutional Law professor.

This one's mostly about a refusal to cease and desist the dad jokes -

"Imagine Congress authorizes the military to hold a nationwide bake sale because they need/knead the dough."

Crickets.

"I was sure that would get a rise out of you."

More crickets.

"OK, I'll stop, though I'm clearly on a roll."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PortlyGoldfish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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If pro is the opposite of con,

is progress the opposite of congress?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadeauxmarie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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If the opposite of β€œpro” is β€œcon”,

Then the opposite of β€œprogress” is β€œCongress”

(Dads can be woke too)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatherNigel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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Since con is the opposite of pro...

it must mean Congress is the opposite of progress?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alysuh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
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If con is the opposite of pro, then

Is Congress the opposite of progress?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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What's the opposite of progress?

Congress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/and69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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Is pro is the opposite of con, what’s the opposite of progress?

Congress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JG_melon
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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