"I'm sorry," said the barman, "we don't serve time travellers."
A time traveller walks into a bar.
π︎ 837
π
︎ May 13 2020
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".
π︎ 46
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
The traveller
It was somewhere around the 6th century after the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, an Anglish man was travelling through Normandy when he sees a local labouring the fields, and asks:
"Hello. What does it take to become a mercenary amongst your King's regiments?"
"Not that much - to be Frank."
"I see. I better give up then.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 04 2020
After looking at the galactic traveller's guide, I was shocked by our solar system's rating.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 11 2018
If a time traveller from the future carried some sausages with him as he travels,
Does he have a link to the past?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 03 2019
The suicidal traveller tried to hang himself from the Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, The leaning tower of Pisa. The police caught him took away his rope and sent him out of the continent. All he was heard saying is..
π︎ 23
π
︎ Sep 10 2015
What travels all over the world, but stays in a corner?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
I took my boys to the traveling circus and told them to keep their focus on the biggest pole...
...because that's the center of a tent son.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arcticβ¦
But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
I once traveled to the Middle East, and suddenly, someone threw a rock at me.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
A red blood cell was travelling through the bloodstream...
It bumped into another cell and screamed "Jesus Christ!!" God was not happy, he said "You should never use the Lords name in vein."
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
Did you hear about the traveling psychic sportscaster?
Everywhere he went he was ESPN.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
Friend: βHowβs your job at the travel agency?β
Me: βTerrible. Iβm not going anywhereβ
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
After all my travel in 2020 was cancelled, I'm now facing the COVID reality that my Spring Break trip is not going to happen either. I just told my suitcases this sad fact...
...and now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
Have you heard of the new travel sized chocolate truffles?
Pocket Lindts...
Credit: Twitter
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
Mart Mc Fly traveling into the Star Wars universe be like,
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
Went camping with a time traveler but they were silent the whole time...
...I think they prefer speaking in future tents
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
The bartender says, "we don't serve time travelers here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
π︎ 111
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
Why did the rabbi travel to Mecca?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
If you time travel to the future and get decapitated-
You really are a head of your time
π︎ 14
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
The worst thing about time travelling are the kids asking:
π︎ 116
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
I travel all over the world and I'm regular, then I come home and suddenly I'm incontinent.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
A man at the bar told me he once travelled across space to get a pint
He must have been interstellar
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
I wish I could travel to a pleasant city on the French Riviera...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
Every time I travel to a new city, I like to take a picture of myself in front of the tomes of books...
I just have to take shelfies!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
Did you guys hear about the microbiologist who traveled to 30 countries and speaks 6 languages?
He was a wise man of many cultures.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
The punchline always come before the joke
What is the worst part about time travel jokes?
π︎ 105
π
︎ Mar 23 2021
What did the chair say after it finished travelling around the world?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
What do you call a musical group of criminals that travels around the country but only along the outline of the country's border?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
As soon as space travel is possible, Iβm moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy
Iβm galactose intolerant
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 24 2019
My father and I were in the car traveling to a family outing.
On the way, after passing a graveyard, my dad asked,
βDid you know thatβs a popular cemetery?β
βNo, why?β I responded.
βPeople are just dying to get in there!β he replied.
After I groaned, he continued, in all seriousness,
βBut really, did you know I canβt be buried there?β
βWhy not, Dad?β I asked, surprised.
βBecause Iβm not dead yet!β
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jul 04 2020
Two travelers are lost in the woods when they come across a man lying in their path.
One says, βWeβre saved! We can ask him for directions!β His friend, however, had a somber expression on his face.
βDoesnβt something seem off to you about this man?β he replies, gesturing to the figure lying prostrate on the road before them.
βWhat do you mean?β said the first, confusion splayed across his features.
βI mean we canβt trust a thing he says. Heβs a pathological lier.β
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 29 2020
The town Iβm from just completed dredging a new river thatβs going to make travel a lot easier. Theyβre having a feast to celebrate! Itβs going to be called...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
A couple on 60 years met a genie and they got 1 wish each The wife wished sheβd travel the world so she did. The husband wanted a 30 years younger wife
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
The inventor of time travel has died in a tragic jousting accident
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
My girlfriend and I were traveling thru Kentucky where we stayed at a lodge. She told me a humorous story out to the left of the wall of the building...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 16 2020
Since I can't travel because of the lockdown
I have been Washington's of DCs.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
(I seriously don't get this) A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down
He hiked several miles to a farmhouse, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight.
βSure,β said the farmer, βmy wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but theyβre off to college, and Iβm all by myself, so I have lots of room to put you up.β
Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back toward the highway.
The farmer called after him,βDidnβt you hear what I said? I have lots of room.β
βI heard you,β said the salesman, βbut I think Iβm in the wrong joke.β
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 31 2020
Why did the EMTs travel in sets of two?
Because they wanted to be pair-of-medics
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 14 2020
So I travel around my country at the weekend taking photo graphs last week I was in London it was amazing I could almost say it was a...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 29 2020
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchens where a brother is frying chipsβ¦
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jul 30 2017
The barman said "sorry, we don't serve time travellers"
Two time travellers walk into a bar
π︎ 42
π
︎ May 07 2019
The bar man told them "sorry we don't serve time travellers here"
Two time travellers walk into a bar...
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jul 21 2019
The bartender says "Sorry we don't serve time travelers"
Two time travelers walk into a bar
π︎ 98
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
If you time travel to the future and get decapitated-
You really are a head of your times
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
The bartender says, βwe donβt serve time travelers in here!β
A time traveler walks into a bar.
π︎ 83
π
︎ Apr 05 2020
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