The Tourists Puns

A list of puns related to "The Tourists"

A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.

After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine." I said, "Are you a vet?" To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."

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👤︎ u/im_not_geih
📅︎ Nov 14 2020
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Hear the joke about a bunch of fat tourists standing in a queue?

It's got a terrible paunch line.

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👤︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
📅︎ Sep 08 2020
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What do a cab driver in Boston and a tourist in the capital of Bangladesh have in common?

They're both in Dhaka

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👤︎ u/bandito210
📅︎ Jul 11 2020
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Did you hear about the Lego piece that was 323 feet to a side? It was a huge tourist draw...

People were lined up around the block.

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Jun 03 2020
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There are two types of gay tourists, the ones who visit Netherland, and the ones who visit Iran. Despite such a difference between these places, they go to these countries for the same reason

to get stoned.

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👤︎ u/tarka_d0_sera
📅︎ Mar 01 2020
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I was once walking my dog along a promenade during a storm. I got chatting to a German tourist. While we were talking, my dog decided to go for a swim. It was clear he was struggling then he got dragged under. The German dived in, pulled him out and did cpr. The dog coughed then came back to life

"That's amazing" I said "how did you know to do that? Are you a vet?" "Vet?" He asked. 'of corse I'm vet. I was in zee sea"

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👤︎ u/RedDogBoyMark
📅︎ Jan 28 2020
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What did the mandolorian say to assure the tourist he wasn't lost?

This is the way.

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👤︎ u/jxwtf585
📅︎ Nov 29 2019
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I was on a safari in Africa when one of the tourists asked our guide, “Is it difficult to spot cheetahs?”

He said, “No, they usually come that way.”

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ May 09 2019
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Did you hear about the two owls stealing from tourists on Machu Picchu?

They were incahoots.

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👤︎ u/hashsmasher
📅︎ Apr 12 2019
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Cemeteries are one of the most popular tourist attractions

People are dying to get into them!

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👤︎ u/Roxanne_12784
📅︎ May 15 2019
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The Tourist when to Cambodia and saw a person saying something.

He said "Khmer tourist, I got things for you to buy.

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👤︎ u/toxic_dude22
📅︎ May 21 2019
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One time a German tourist dove into a river to save someone's dog. When he came back, he said to the owner, "Here iz ze dog, put him in a blänket so he iz dry and warm." The owners ask him, "How do you know, are yoy a vet?" The German looks at them blankly, "Vet? Im fucking soaking!"
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👤︎ u/SpillsMcDribble
📅︎ Mar 25 2019
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Did I ever tell you about the time I put a busload of tourists from Prague on a trampoline?

I bounced a lot of Czechs.

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👤︎ u/norrisrw
📅︎ Jan 28 2019
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The tourists visited sites on both the Mediterranean and Baltic...

They went from "see" to "see"

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Feb 28 2019
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What's the state that likes to greet Japanese tourists?

Ohio!

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👤︎ u/Captain_Snork_Magork
📅︎ Oct 02 2018
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Did you hear about the ravenous shrubs that attacked a group of tourists?

It was an amBUSH.

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👤︎ u/Psycho_Hobbit
📅︎ Mar 13 2018
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I've been cutting lumber for a tourist viewpoint over the bays in Norway

One could say I've been pining for the fjords

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👤︎ u/belly_bell
📅︎ Apr 05 2018
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It costs around $7 to cross the Golden Gate Bridge, regardless of whether you're a commuter or a tourist.

It takes a toll on everybody.

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👤︎ u/original_evanator
📅︎ Dec 31 2016
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Dadjoked by a tourist in the hotel.

Go to check out of my hotel this morning. I get in the elevator and there's a group of raucous old men telling jokes and laughing. They were going down so they invited me in to the elevator even thought I was planning on catching the next one.

Anywho, as we're going down, the elderly gentleman I'm standing next to turns to me, and says

"Do you know the elevator dance?"

me: "No, what's that?"

him: "There are no steps!"

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👤︎ u/thebornotaku
📅︎ Nov 11 2014
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A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, “are you a vet?”

He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”

👍︎ 10k
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👤︎ u/rohanlahiri05
📅︎ Jan 07 2020
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