I respect short people that try to reach things on the top shelf.
You really gotta hand it to them.
I'm not sure people realize how hard it is being a woman in the postal service.
It's such a mail dominated industry.
I hate two kinds of people the most
The first kind is those who always leave their sayings unfinished.
“Happy Monday”. What the heck is it with people who try to sound chipper at the beginning of the work week, including Tuesday.
Even the rest of the week says WTF to the beginning of the week.
During what month do people sleep the least?
>!February, it's the shortest month after all.!<
My 13 year old daughter went to the park yesterday and told me she was yelling that she loves ostriches to people walking down the road, she said they kept looking at her weird.
I told her they probably figured she was emu.
As a boy, the people I assumed were my parents would bathe me in low quality Australian lager.
It wasn’t until years later I realised I’d been fostered
TIL Imhotep crowdfunded the Pharaoh's tomb, asking 10 people to bring a stone and each get 10 more people to bring a stone...
It was the first pyramid scheme
I don’t think people truly appreciate just how good of a workout it can be when going to the bathroom.
It’s physically draining.
How do crazy people get through the forest?
They take the psychopath.
Thank you to all the people who reached out to me to explain the word 'plethora'.
I find it strange when people give the age of their child in months
But it doesn't bother me until they're 12 years old, then it's gross
What did the people call the funny skeleton?
Apple are now allowing people to invest food into the company instead of money
I have a massive steak in the company.
British people struggle to pronounce the letter T to this very day
because they keep drinking it.
79% of people don’t know the opposite of these words:
1: Always 2: Coming 3: From 4: Take
5: Me 6: Down
edit: holy shit this got 1M views. regardless of their reaction i’m glad I can say I >!rick rolled!< 1 million people. that’s fuckin solid.
Most people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July.
But not fire. Fire works in 4th of July.
The Irish are now people O’Color
In what country, do Koreans have the most broken arms (people who understand korean will get this)
The number of people who don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'
Did you know that people from the capital of Taiwan are known specifically for their high achievement, competitiveness and impatience?
It's because they all have Taipei personalities.
Why do obsessive people dislike the term “OCD”
Because, alphabetically, it should be “CDO”
Why people don't like the asterisk?
Because they don't want to risk their ass.
Whenever I have a good tale to tell, before the end, people interrupt me and tell that the punchline belongs to someone else. I don't get it. Why do they always remind me that...
... "the rest is his story".
The older I get, the more I regret all the people I have lost over the years!
Maybe being a trail guide wasn’t such a great idea after all!
I tell the story of two gangs. The first gang puts out bounties on people who have done them wrong and calls it "blood money."
The second gang does the same thing and calls it Criptocurrency.
lots of people are scared of cooking the ground and I can see why
From what I've heard, it's terra-frying
Why does Dracula always bite people on the neck?
Because he's a neck romancer
I love alphabet soup, but I only like eating the vowels. When I tell people this they often ask: "Why?"
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
The fact that people go to McDonald’s…
and order a vegan burger is Beyond Meat…
Ever hear of the ancient group of people who never got angry?
What's the difference between the people in Dubai vs the people in Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do
Why do people in Britain use the term rubbish bin?
Because they find other terms for it to be trash.
I am going to get a dog, name him 'Achilles', and train him to be a medical service dog so that one day I can give the command 'Achilles, Heel!' and confuse those people who like a good pun!
Why are the string section the most dangerous people in the orchestra?
Because every morning they wake up and choose violins.
ok, I'm sorry for posting this, but I'm getting annoyed by the massive amount of "tinnitus" jokes people have been posting all week.
They're falling on deaf ears.
Have you heard about the group of wandering people who never get angry?
a lot of people know her as the actress who played Spiderman's aunt or Joe Pesci's girlfriend...
There’s a theory that no two people see a colour the exact same way.
Does that mean that colour is…a pigment of your imagination?
I hear the population drop in China is due to a lot of elderly people dying.
I have a sneaking suspicion that the characters in Splatoon are squid people.
Everyone knows about the Boston Marathon, but few people know about the less-famous Boston Cream Pie Marathon.
Past participants have said it's actually a piece of cake.
What do British people say when they're leaving but have to stop at the bathroom first?
The french are really tough people
They eat pain for breakfast
People say russian cars are always Stalin I say they're just Putin them in the wrong gear
How many people fly from the US to Australia everyday?
None, it is too long of a flight for someone to do it on a daily basis.
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