What's the name of a woman who likes to use the metric system?
If I become the world leader, I would ban consumption of wheat, bread, pasta, soda, sugar and the likes, because I want to see the world burns
Not technically a dad joke, but: You ever have the problem of a 4 year old making you look bad because he likes helping with the dishes and hasn't figured out the finer points of letting them soak?
What did the person that likes to save money do when reaches the light at the end of the tunnel ?
Did you know Slimer from Ghostbusters likes to capture the reactions of the people he spooks at the hotel he haunts?
He records them with his GooPro.
People who name their dogs; Bailey, Brandy, Sherry, Jameson, Hooch or other names of the likes..
Are far more likely to have licker problems
What do you call a member of law enforcement who likes to show people his skills on the Guitar?
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
What's the name of that dog that likes to eat other dogs? Oh thats right, it's the...
Which is the favourite animal of a physicist that likes dinosaurs?
What type of animal likes soup the most?
My dad likes to help cut up all of our cardboard boxes in the garage, and compactly pack them for recycling...
I joked with him about how the boxes are piling up and I need him to cut them up. He lives overseas so he said that if I buy his plane ticket, he'll come and do the work.
I told him that my gardener Ebodio will cut the boxes if I ask him to, and much less money.
To make my dad feel better, I (half-jokingly) say that Ebodio's technique is not as good and he will be slower, but he'll be a whole lot cheaper.
My dad's response:
"I feel like I am being undercut"
I asked a girl for a date and she said I had a face like the back of a boat
I didn't reply but I gave her a stern look.
I was on a cruise once when we docked in this strange town named after part of a guy's foot, and all the locals kept using words like brunch, spork, and labradoodle.
I think it was called Port Mantoe.
The inhabitants of Easter Island be like..
I like spending my time informing people about the benefits of dried grapes.
It's about raisin awareness.
Awkward day today. My grandma got kicked out of the nursing home for acting like witch and placing spells on residents.
Apparently she would yell "I CAST IRON" and hit them with a skillet.
I got my kid a couple Barbie dolls dressed like they’re from the 1600s, but something is wrong with one of them.
I think he’s Baroque Ken.
Some friends decided to steal a coffin and ride down the side of a snowy hill like it was a bob-sleight
They lose control and the coffin speeds down a hill towards a ravine.
One of the friends has an idea and pulls out a bottle of Benadryl and drinks it.
The coffin stops.
Some people like to paddle the front of a canoe, others prefer the back.
The cartilage between two of my vertebrae has lost its rigidity and now I feel like I’m back in the 80s.
I have to replace the floppy disc.
The definition of 'blasphemy' is a lot like Jesus;
You just can't nail it down.
It was reported some of the bands performing tonight like to hide drugs in there drums.
But don't worry, we've taken the proper percussions
Math dad jokes always get me
My girlfriend is a lot like the square root of -100.
A perfect 10 and completely imaginary.
Two wind turbines were spinning away when one said to the other: "What kind of music do you like?"
"I'm a metal fan."
"Me too!"
The answer of what people zombies dont like to eat is easy. It's a no-brainer.
My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor. 🥺
More on this after the break.
What does it say on the gravestone of someone who liked to tie ropes?
„He did knot see that coming“
Letting loose with these puns
I didn’t like the new Mexican restaurant because I saw a lot of weird spices in my food.
I just couldn’t bay leaf my eyes
I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound like wasps."
I was right. I was playing the B-side.
What does the cast of Friends like to do on weekends?
The people of Dubai don't like the Flintstones.
But the people of Abu Dhabi do.
I have a party trick where I swallow rope and it comes out tied up shaped like the 21st letter of the alphabet.
Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?
Patient: I can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s one of them.
Which knight of the roundtable liked to eat steak?
Letting loose with these puns
True story. Chicago-area preschool teacher teaching remotely today because of the storms. Her dogs started barking like crazy, interrupting the Zoom. She looked out her window and told/apologized to the class that the shovelers were there. 4 year old classmate replies,
“Wow, your shovelers sound like dogs!”Been laughing at that one all day.
My friend was like "Cheer up, man. It could be worse. You could be in a hole in the ground full of water."
The archbishop of Canterbury knew that it was talk like a pirate day when he said...
Arrrrrr! Father who art in heaven!
According to my interpretation of my Chinese ancestry test results I am most likely from the Chen family.
Why some people don't like the idea of measuring economic growth using GDP ?
My parents never approved of my job at the aquarium, feeding the baby dolphins. They felt like I could do something more important.
I know it might not be much, but I still feel like I'm serving a small porpoise.
The wurst kind of bologna
Thats where France are for 🤗
it was a video about wine…
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
Two windmills are on a date and one asks the other, "So what kind of music do you like?"
The other replies, "I'm a big metal fan!"
Did you know the people of Dubai do not like the Flintstones?
But the people in Abu Dhabi do…
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