A list of puns related to "The Invitations"
I told them I’m gonna come early.
His funeral is tomato.
"Alpaca bag."
That's a real shame, last time he hosted it absolutely slapped
Luckily I know sigh language.
Me: "Dad can we try that"
Dad: "That's poison"
I politely refused.
Every cheerleader I spoke to said he made a pass.
I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.
Because it’s a fun guy
They could easily spike the punch.
They said "We don't know we've never got this far".
Because there wasn’t mushroom.
He had a hearty meal!
When I went there, everybody was wearing suits and pants too
Everyone knows a mushroom to be a fungi
Namaste home and stretch
they always be raisin the roof!
(my sister told me that one today lmao)
When I got there he said to make myself at home. So I kicked him out because I don't like having company over.
Currently, they are kind of a buzzkill.
I meandered down to the bar, take a seat and he sets a tall glass in front of me, icy and bubbly. I take a sip, tell my buddy, "This is good!" He says "Thank You" and moves off to take care of other customers. I continue to sip the drink, trying to identify what is in it. Hmm... gin, tonic, something else... I cannot identify. I notice halfway through the drink I am feeling pretty good! I continue to sip and hang out until I take the last drink. And then, BLAM! I am out. I awake a while later to my buddy shaking me and asking how I am. I was still feeling pretty drunk, and asked him "Just what in the heck was in that drink?" He grins and holds up this bottle of oddly colored liquid. "This" he says, "Is the secret ingredient. I make a regular gin and tonic, and add this to it. What is it?" I ask. "It is the extracted essence of feline follicles!" "CAT HAIR!" I scream. "Yup! And everyone has the same reaction you did! They finish the drink and pass out!" "What the heck do you call this drink?"
Cat-a-Tonic!
Because he was below C-level.
a crypto-night
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
“I don’t think your ready for this jelly.”
I am not atendon
But all he does is shoulder shrugs and it’s starting to feel like it’s just one of his traps.
Because only Earth, Wind, and Fire know how to groove.
Because he was a funny bone.
(brought to you by my resident 10 year old)
He replied, "You're the 8th".
Let's compile the greatest, most eye rolling, groan inducing list of xmas themes dad jokes so we can all make our relatives not invite us next year!
I'll start;
Why can't Santa stop delivering presents? There's a Claus in his contract
What's Santa's favourite metal band? Sleigher
It was a big missed steak.
To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book.
"I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you."
“Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you."
“Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father... No... I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son."
“Dad... I don't know what to say... I'm honoured..."
“Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."
Dad: That's oddly specific. Would 6:36 be too early?
I’m down.
I told him I was married which led to me having no money or a life. He hugged me and invited me to play basketball at The Y next week.
He kept saying "hail Santa"
...but they all flaked on him.
That's when I knew that we weren't going to work out.
The cool ranch.
"Invitatio invitationis invitationi invitationem..."
Because he is a fun guy (fungi)
It was the father, son, and the goalie host.
Because it was Crypto-night
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
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