I think the Incredible Hulk should have been the new Captain America.

Because he could be called the Star Spangled Banner.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gausemi
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Spider-Man has many incredible powers, including the ability to know how many spiders there are around the world.

He uses his Spider Census.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MotherJoanFoggy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamuraiSAM5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
DC and Marvel should make a crossover between The Flash and The Incredible Hulk.

They could call it "The Fast and the Furious."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kwakerjak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Whoever invented the shovel is incredible

I mean, it’s such a groundbreaking invention!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShowPan69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when the Incredibles get delivery?

DoorDash

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ajohn555
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Made love to the Incredible Hulk

Now I’m Thor

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pepperoni_troll
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What band performed for The Incredible Hulk's birthday?

Green Day

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
The original Incredibles movie is really good....

The sequel is Incredibles 2.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the Incredible Shrinking Man receive for his scientific breakthrough?

Atrophy

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ContentDoctor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2016
🚨︎ report
What's The Incredible Hulk's favorite restaurant?

Smash Burger!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thy_Walrus_Lord
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
🚨︎ report
The new Pixar movie is gonna be incredible
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VAGINAL_EXPLOSION
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?

A masstermind

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-KeyLime-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you’d get the well-fortified tower area back.

Guys back then were playing for keeps.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a stolen miniature diorama for your personal library and an incredibly surprising but cliched erotic fantasy about Peregrin of the shire?

One is a shelf insert book nook for fiction fans that you took and the other is a self-insert fan fiction took book that got you shook.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketsocks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."

The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.

"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."

EDIT The responses here are incredible! πŸ‘Œ

πŸ‘︎ 174
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lady_emily_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the incredibly average philosopher?

His name was mediocrates.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir-Juaby
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Finding where M starts in the dictionary was incredibly challenging.

I went through L to get there.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Incredibly, every time when you read this joke, the punchline will always be different.

different.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flumanchu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
A new disease is sweeping the world. It's a type of nostril infection, very costly to test for

But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.

And as his secretary says...

No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRichTookItAll
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Rivers love the little rocks on their floor so much, they carry them everywhere they go. Riveres are incredibly sedimental
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Denye_Azadini
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
🚨︎ report
The Hulk is incredibly strong.

You can tell because he doesn't Bruce easily.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AardvarkMonarch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm planning on sending an incredibly groan inducing dad joke to a friend every day for a couple weeks. Suggestions? The cornier the better.
πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dimentioze
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2015
🚨︎ report
When Gandalf was asked why his company was so successful.

He gave all the credit to his incredible staff.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArcticTrek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn't much

But the reception was incredible.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antennas met on a roof and fell in love

The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepyPastaKing1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a species of frog that can jump higher than a 3 story house

This is due to the frog's incredibly strong hind legs, and the fact that a house can't jump.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cornedbeefhash1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
The number 8 was incredibly hostile at the Numbers Dress Up party

He didn’t want to benign.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/idrees7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Living next door to the cemetery is incredibly convenient

Since its the dead centre of the city

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naf623
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
🚨︎ report
So I went to a costume party dressed as a harp.

The host says, β€œWhat are you dressed as?” I tell him, β€œI’m a harp.” He says, β€œBut your costume is to small to be a harp.” I was incredibly offended, and tell him, β€œAre you calling me a lyre?!”

πŸ‘︎ 773
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MajicMan101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do we eat pie on Thanksgiving?

Because the pilgrims were pious.

... too bad they weren't Turkish

-- credit: my incredibly dad-like friend --

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deathto2020
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Curious

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spazpekker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antenna met on a roof and eventually got married

The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was incredible

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
An Irishman finds a genie

All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.

So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself β€œooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”

So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, β€œOh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”

The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts β€œtree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”

The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. β€œWell I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, β€œAhhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping β€œbulp!”, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. β€œWELL I’LL BE! THAT’S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!”

The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman β€œMaster, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?”

The Irishman looks to the genie and says β€œoh tat’s easy! I’ll have two more of these!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbacconnn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A captain and his crew. (Hopefully hasn’t been posted before lol)

Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.

One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, β€œone ship off the port side!” Immediately the captain yells at his crew, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!”

Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!

The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they don’t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.

A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, β€œTwo ships off the port side!” Quickly the captain screams, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!” The crew doesn’t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!

The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, β€œWhy do you always have us bring you your red shirt?”

The captain replies, β€œWell men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like I’m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.”

The men can’t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!

Two seconds later, β€œTWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!”

Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, β€œMen, bring me my brown pants.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RecTym
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Just got back from a camping trip with the family

The days were incredible, but the nights were in tents

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thesabermaniac
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Shaved my hair this morning...

Got my teen son with this one today.

Son: Dad, you shaved your hair.

Me: Yep, we’re Opposites.

Son: (puzzled look)

Me: I’m bald...You have long hair

I’m old... You’re young

I’m big...You’re small

I’m incredibly handsome...(son eye roll);

short pause...You’re incredibly footsome.

Son: (stomps out of the room)

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimyo77
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple were interested in buying a haunted house.

The owner took them around the ground floor and everything looked perfect, even more so for the low price. The couple were suspicious that they saw no sign of anything supernatural, yet. The owner was pleasant and a little excited when showing them the house, until they got to the stairs. The woman stopped and looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stalled for time. Growing impatient, the couple asked her:

"What's upstairs?"

"Not much, what's up with you?" replied the stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goaheadidareyou
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkRedditBot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross Captain America with the Incredible Hulk?

The Star-Spangled Banner.

πŸ‘︎ 186
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?

A masstermind

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-KeyLime-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the satellites that got married?

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!

πŸ‘︎ 655
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Datboifritz113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Two satelites decided to get married

The wedding wasn't much but the reception was incredible

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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