The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
The election is happening in November and Trump will be bragging about the 30 foot wall he built on the Mexican border.
But he probably should have made it much longer than that.
Last year, my wife was so angry that I forgot to buy her a Christmas present, but that's not happening this time, because I bought her present two months ago! It's all wrapped up, sitting under the tree, waiting for her on Christmas Day!!
She's going to love these flowers!
Going to be a dad officially in a month... I think the change is happening.
Went to visit the in-laws, and as soon as we walk in the door
Mother-in-law: So, JustAPaddy, what are you upto?
Me: Oh, about 6'1"
My father-in-law laughed hard and pats me on the shoulder, we are the only two that laughed... my wife and MIL groaned
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no Time.”
What would happen if the USA switched from Pounds to Kilograms?
There would be mass confusion
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
What happened when the two bullets got married?
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the well? I found out why it happened.
He couldn’t see that well.
What happens to Werewolf's house when its the full moon?
It becomes a warehouse.
Credit to Haldzur, the newest dad in our party.
What happened to the boy who got tomato sauce in his eyes?
Dunno. But he probably learnt his lesson because Heinz sight is 20/20!
What happened when the geese fell down stairs?
They all got goose bumps.
Ever hear what happened to the dead guy who was put on display?
Ever wonder what happened to the Jolly Green Giant?
You've seen Mentos and Coke, but what happens when you put Coke in the oven?
Did you hear what happened when a man lied about his credentials to get in the band?
It was quite a con on drum ...
What happens when you give the Devil two eyes and turn him around?
He becomes Livid.
I'll see myself out now.
Did you hear what happened to the coin theif?
He got caught for penny crime!
Do you know what happened to Jack Ma after he criticized the Chinese Government?
What happened when the stove stopped working?
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
What happens when you add cornstarch to the stew?
What happens when you're looking for the Mortal Kombat soundtrack?
I have been reading some history on the French revolution and found out what happened to Louis XVI's head
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
What happens when you break the 4th wall?
The ceiling will fall and crush you.
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
The Mama Roach asked "What will happen to us if that human sprays us with Raid?"
The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
What happened when the leader of Russia went to jail
Chad asks his friend, "What would happen if all the women in the world disappeared?"
His friend replied, "That would be a pain in the ass."
What happened to the woman who sat on the meat slicer?
What happened to the drug dealer's bones when the police found him?
Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...
He said the police were expecting a crime wave
What happened to the shoplifter that stole a calendar?
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer employee that beat up a Duracell employee?
He got charged with battery.
What happens when the U.S. Mint stops producing currency?
I don’t know, it makes no sense.
After all my travel in 2020 was cancelled, I'm now facing the COVID reality that my Spring Break trip is not going to happen either. I just told my suitcases this sad fact...
...and now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage
Someone said I wasn’t very smart because I never read anything. Well it so happens I was reading an article just the other day
It said Juicy.
Turns out it was an article of clothing.
What would happen to all of us if the zombie virus only affected redheads?
What happens, when a doctor catches a disease, that he already found the cure for?
He gets a taste of his own medicine.
Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."
"He was always looking down on me!"
You know what happened to the guy who wanted to use "MyDick" as his password?
The Website told him that he can't do it because his password is "too short"
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked “what’s going to happen, am I going to be alright?”
Goldilocks, running from the 3 bears, finds herself in a dead end with nothing but a bag of ice. Papa bear is Drunk and scary. What happens next?
A Goldy-smack with a cold sack in a cul de sac, which is more than a bear with beer could bare.
What happens if you don't look at things from the right angle?
You might find find yourself looking at a slippery slope.
What happened when the girl didn’t pay her exorcist
What happened when the dog went to the Flea circus?
What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local bar?
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits here."
What happened to the guy whose left side was cut off?
What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
What happened when the stove stopped working?
What happened when the leader of Russia committed a crime?
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