Why do I always feel great on Saturdays and Sundays, and sick on all the other days ?
Maybe I just have a weekend immune system..
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π
︎ May 29 2021
The great apple?
π︎ 49
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︎ Jun 17 2021
What do Jack the Ripper, Catherine the Great, William the Conqueror, and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
π︎ 36
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︎ Jun 11 2021
Did you hear about the great German pub?
π︎ 11
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︎ Jun 20 2021
Todayβs a great day to go to the cemetery.
Itβs dead quiet and people are dying to go out.
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︎ Jun 06 2021
I know where to store all the great dad jokes found in this subreddit
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︎ Jun 25 2021
Anyone out there interested in buying my Delorean ? Great condition, low mileage..
really only driven from time to time..
π︎ 167
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︎ Jul 01 2021
I know a great knock-knock joke,
π︎ 30
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︎ Jun 30 2021
You know it's a great dadjoke when you say something and your family groans, but the stranger dad behind you laughs.
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
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︎ Mar 21 2021
KFC were offering great deals on popcorn chicken the other day...
Now that's what I call getting more bang for your cluck.
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︎ Jun 27 2021
I had a really great conversation with a dolphin yesterday.
I donβt know, we just clicked.
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︎ Jun 20 2021
Here's a great joke my dad does all the time
Me: hi Dad.
My Dad: hi Dad.
Me: but you're my Dad.
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︎ May 31 2021
Why did the animal doctor go through great lengths to hide his true identity?
Because he was a veteran Aryan.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 18 2021
The opera wasn't that great.
But it ended on a high note.
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 11 2021
Whatβs so great about living in Switzerland?
Well, their flag is a big plus
π︎ 31
π
︎ Jun 16 2021
Trading my male deer for my neighbor's female deer was a great deal.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 30 2021
I will become the next great god. The embodiment of Thor and Odinβs power.
π︎ 5
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︎ May 06 2021
I just thought of a great joke about second guessing
π︎ 189
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︎ May 18 2021
Why do great white sharks chase after Superman in the ocean?
Because he has a seal on his chest.
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︎ May 15 2021
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints!
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jun 21 2021
What wears a pointy hat and has great rhythm?
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︎ Jun 24 2021
What type of fish tastes great with custard?
π︎ 15
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︎ May 26 2021
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
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π
︎ Jun 24 2021
What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?
'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
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π
︎ Jun 27 2021
What was a very common name in the middle ages?
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
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︎ Jun 24 2021
The great thing about 'reddit' is that it tells you when you've finished reading it
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︎ Mar 29 2021
My neighbor said onion and pi taste great together.
I said "but that's just an opinion."
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 25 2021
Iβm such a great speller but I canβt spell ironik
Well....... isnβt that ironik
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︎ May 31 2021
I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..
π︎ 7k
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︎ Jun 28 2021
Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?
10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too
π︎ 5k
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︎ Jun 27 2021
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jun 29 2021
I threw up in the toilet
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π
︎ Jun 25 2021
Todayβs my husbandβs birthday and heβs a huge pencil enthusiast. I got him a great gift
Seems like someoneβs gonna get lead tonight.
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︎ May 25 2021
Great reddit for puns!
This puns are so well polished, the put the take out the ai in spain, move the s to the back and add a u atter the p.
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︎ May 17 2021
Iβve got a condition which causes me to make terrible puns.
Itβs a dad-ly disease.
Happy Fatherβs Day to all the dads that get me though my day to day life, without you Dad Jokes wouldnβt mean a thing π
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jun 20 2021
My childhood dream was to become a great ruler.
I just couldn't measure up.
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︎ May 22 2021
The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, βIβve just done a silent fart. What should I do?β
He said, βChange the batteries in your hearing aidβ.
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π
︎ Jun 19 2021
Oh the tangled web we weave ...
π︎ 5k
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︎ Jun 27 2021
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
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︎ Jun 23 2021
I donβt have Great Expectations for my son.
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
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︎ May 14 2021
Son's first good pun for Father's Day
My 7 year old son tries to tell puns, but he's really bad at it. After going to the zoo, he noticed that his right ear was itchy. Upon inspection, we noticed that the skin around his ear was flaking. We discussed if it was a sun burn, but he had been wearing a bucket hat all day. Without missing a beat he said:
I guess it has to be an "ear"itation. He even used air quotes. Proud moment for Father's Day!
Hope you had a great Father's Day as well!
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︎ Jun 20 2021
A conversation I had on a dating app. For context, her instagram is mainly pictures of chairs and her name rhymes with chair.
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︎ Jun 23 2021
I got dishonourably discharged from the Navy yesterday for accidentally boarding a different vessel.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Jun 15 2021
Whatβs the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
π︎ 5k
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︎ Jun 26 2021
Chewbacca of Star Wars was once a great baseball player in The Major Leagues. . . . . .
Seriously, he won Wookie of the year.
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︎ Mar 26 2021
My dad literally just said this to me.
Dad: Whatcha reading?
Me: Just Reddit
Dad: Well if you already read it why are you reading it again?! (Nudges me) Get it?? Hahahaha
Me: (rolls eyes) Ha.Ha.
π︎ 11k
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︎ May 27 2021
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
π︎ 8k
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︎ Jun 02 2021
Anyone interested in buying my Delorean? Great condition, low mileage...
Only driven from time to time.
π︎ 420
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
Anyone out there interested in buying my DeLorean ? Great condition, low mileage..
.. really only driven from time to time.
π︎ 711
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
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