Downloaded film Titanic for the family to watch this evening. Annoyingly Video and Sound has come across in separate files.
Playing “tag” in the Addams Family must be very confusing if your cousin’s there...
The family wanted to visit some caverns.
I didn’t want to go, but eventually I caved.
When a clogged drain killed his family, a clog far past the u-bend & far beyond justice, he knew had to take matters into his own filthy hands. He had to become...
I decided to go on a vacation with my family. Almost all the hotel rooms were booked except one
It was our last resort...
Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the wife
$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio
Bedtime at the swiss cheese family:
But dad, I don't want to go to sleep. There might be scary muensters in the closet.
Who can drink petrol in the family?
my dad made a dad joke in the family group chat...
Dad: Where do penguins keep their money?
Me: their wallets
Dad: A snow bank!
When the photon left its family behind,
What’s the difference between me and the family dog?
The dogs allowed to walk naked around the house
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I’m going for a jog and then I don’t...
It’s my longest running joke of the year so far...
Family friends' 4 year old. Why does the fish cross the street?
So he can get on the other side.
Kid burst out laughing....
The youngest girl in our family wants to be a male semiconductor device for amplifying, controlling, and generating electrical signals when she grows up.
I feel like if my family and friends were selecting the epitaph for my tombstone they would go with "He meant well."
Especially if my last words were "Help! I fell in the wall!"
What do the vicugna pacos family say when they are about to go on a vacation?
A family is in an amusement park and comes across an animatronic display of Al Gore playing the drums.
The mother says, "Hey everyone, look at that. Isn't that amazing?" The father, unimpressed, replies, "It's just an algorithm".
Patrick Roy, perhaps the best goaltender of all time, was having a family reunion.
Being a wealthy celebrity, he'd volunteered to hold the proceedings at his home. The spread was excellent and Pat's father drew him aside as things were winding down.
"I have a feeling your team is going to do great this year!"
"Why's that Dad?"
"I feel like God can't help but root for a man who's a father, a son and a goalie-host."
I'm the youngest of a family of 3...
Both my parents are older than me.
What family members are most likely to spoil the s’more children?
I can out of the closet to my family.
They were relieved that they finally found me after a week.
Did you hear about the Egyptian royal family that had harmonious flatulence?
They had a little toot-in-common.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
This is going to be the first year our family won't be going to Hawaii because of COVID-19
Usually it's because we can't afford it.
I once saw two men quarreling because both claimed that his family name is Fuck and the other is lying. After seeing their IDs, I found out that only one man was telling the truth, the one with the first name What.
Do you know about the baker family?
He was the breadwinner his family is in pain
I was surprised to learn my family had never heard of the patron Saint of e-mails
So I had to tell them about Saint Francis of A CC
There once was a family, the Bigger’s. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
My brother and I were just reminiscing about the herb garden our family had when we were kids.
Did you hear about the Rotini family?
Sixteen of them fell into a pot of boiling water and pasta way.
Had to tell my family we can't take the boat to the lake cause my truck broke down. Fortunately, avocado.
My family was doing the dinner dishes together and our mum was washing the dishes in the sink. She asked “could you guys load the dishwasher please?”
So my dad brought her a glass of wine.
A family was out hunting and the mother said it was time to go. The father replied, I’ll be right there, let me just...
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
Where did the onion find his family history?
My family has been getting stir crazy. So we decided to take our son to the local zoo. Problem is, it’s a small zoo. They only have one animal. It’s a dog.
My family just celebrated the 200th anniversary of owning a buffalo farm!
Yep. It's our bison-tennial.
At my wedding, my wife's family got into a fight with each other, the police were called, and then they ran from the cops.
So now my in-laws are out-laws.
It’s been a long running tradition for my family to, once a year, jog to the nearest clothes store and back
I guess it just runs in the jeans
My family and I like to sleep during the day
I challenged my entire family to see who could fast the longest.
You could say my competition is getting slim.
Seems a little inappropriate having a strip club across the road from Mini golf in town. I’m a pretty liberal guy but if I’m having a day out with my family the last thing I want to look across the road and see is a bunch of losers playing mini golf.
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