At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. There is no Time.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What is always the score at the end of a β€œbest-of-three” match?

One won one, and one won two.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hokie_hi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

He got fired.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I really struggled with 2020 all year. Sadly, at the end of it...

2021

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gameronomist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the German soldier say to the French soldier at the end of WWI?

Verdun.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
My friends and I were playing a game where you have to think of famous Johns. The game ends if you pick a John that is no longer with us.

It's all fun and games until someone gets Hurt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/user7618
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
To prove he was right, the "flat earther" walked to the end of the Earth

He eventually came around

πŸ‘︎ 302
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why at the end of the week?

Causal Friday

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chewgl
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?

On the apocalypse.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dysmmfz1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....

It’s night

πŸ‘︎ 232
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaughnSD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Never hear the end of it
πŸ‘︎ 605
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.

The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/firestrike007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is everyone depressed and ready for the year to end?

Because 2021.

I hope this is OC. Havent looked though.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Think_Future
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Some guy on a tractor keeps driving past my house shouting, β€œTHE END IS NIGH!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!”

It might be farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 185
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The Trump Presidency didn't end with a bang...

...but with a WI/MI/PA!

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Goldilocks, running from the 3 bears, finds herself in a dead end with nothing but a bag of ice. Papa bear is Drunk and scary. What happens next?

A Goldy-smack with a cold sack in a cul de sac, which is more than a bear with beer could bare.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the Easter Bunny end up in Santa's sleigh?

It was hoppenstance

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aguynamedbry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, β€œGet out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.

The bartender says, β€œHey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”

The rope replied, β€œNo. I’m a frayed knot.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that if you took the Eiffel Tower apart and laid each piece end to end...

you could go to jail for a very long time?

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."

"That's the goal at least."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The end.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrValdez
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.

Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.

All credit goes to my coworker.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robertmmoore143
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I meet guy with a deer on the end of each arm.

He was bambidextrous

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pigonstilts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
And this is the way it ends
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/luckytoothpick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a robot do at the end of a one-night stand?

He nuts and bolts!

Edit: wow! My first Silver. You guys are amazing.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedRocketMan_Y
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The U.K. lockdown is going to end...

in tiers.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What starts, ends, and has T in the middle?

A teapot!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-

2021

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krigito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I secretly don't want 2020 the end..

Because then it'd mean 2021.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shawnshaunseans
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw the post about not wanting 2020 to end as it would mean that 2021...

but I am just worried that two years later, nothing will change and it will be still be the same as 2022...

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AesSedai99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What starts with P and ends with ORN, and is the best part of the movie industry?

Popcorn

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....

St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."

He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"

The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".

St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"

The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."

"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"

The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".

"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
"I think I have a weird fetish for the end of an essay."

"How do you know that?" "I just just came to that conclusion."

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I was only going to buy one budgie, but in the end I got two.

They were going cheep.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the chess player worried towards the end of his meal in a restaurant?

Because the waiter said, "CHECK?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AmanMegha2909
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My son cried when he lost his first girlfriend. I told him don't worry its not the end of the world

Just yours.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning, my neighbour gets on his tractor and starts yelling, β€œRepent! The End is nigh!”

I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
While playing Mortal Kombat in Sweden, what does the announcer say at the end of a fight?

Finnish Him!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillathunda1989
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Disney is releasing a version of Tangled with an alternate ending where Rapunzel's hair isn't chopped off at the end.

They're calling it the Uncut Edition.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geodude532
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
You said everything would be back to normal by the end of June...

July-ed!

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fredwardofox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with

a Re post.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
At the end of the day..

It’s night

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t worry if you’re tall or skinny or rich or poor. And the end of the day...

It’s night.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueVogueDino
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No Time.”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report

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