At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no Time.”
What is always the score at the end of a “best-of-three” match?
One won one, and one won two.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
I really struggled with 2020 all year. Sadly, at the end of it...
What did the German soldier say to the French soldier at the end of WWI?
My friends and I were playing a game where you have to think of famous Johns. The game ends if you pick a John that is no longer with us.
It's all fun and games until someone gets Hurt.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand?
To prove he was right, the "flat earther" walked to the end of the Earth
He eventually came around
Why at the end of the week?
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?
It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
Why is everyone depressed and ready for the year to end?
Because 2021.
I hope this is OC. Havent looked though.
Some guy on a tractor keeps driving past my house shouting, “THE END IS NIGH!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!”
It might be farmer Geddon.
The Trump Presidency didn't end with a bang...
Goldilocks, running from the 3 bears, finds herself in a dead end with nothing but a bag of ice. Papa bear is Drunk and scary. What happens next?
A Goldy-smack with a cold sack in a cul de sac, which is more than a bear with beer could bare.
How did the Easter Bunny end up in Santa's sleigh?
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
Did you know that if you took the Eiffel Tower apart and laid each piece end to end...
you could go to jail for a very long time?
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
I meet guy with a deer on the end of each arm.
And this is the way it ends
What does a robot do at the end of a one-night stand?
He nuts and bolts!
Edit: wow! My first Silver. You guys are amazing.
The U.K. lockdown is going to end...
What starts, ends, and has T in the middle?
We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-
I secretly don't want 2020 the end..
Because then it'd mean 2021.
I saw the post about not wanting 2020 to end as it would mean that 2021...
but I am just worried that two years later, nothing will change and it will be still be the same as 2022...
What starts with P and ends with ORN, and is the best part of the movie industry?
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
"I think I have a weird fetish for the end of an essay."
"How do you know that?"
"I just just came to that conclusion."
I was only going to buy one budgie, but in the end I got two.
Why did the chess player worried towards the end of his meal in a restaurant?
Because the waiter said, "CHECK?"
My son cried when he lost his first girlfriend. I told him don't worry its not the end of the world
Every morning, my neighbour gets on his tractor and starts yelling, “Repent! The End is nigh!”
I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.
While playing Mortal Kombat in Sweden, what does the announcer say at the end of a fight?
Disney is releasing a version of Tangled with an alternate ending where Rapunzel's hair isn't chopped off at the end.
They're calling it the Uncut Edition.
You said everything would be back to normal by the end of June...
I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with
Don’t worry if you’re tall or skinny or rich or poor. And the end of the day...
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. No Time.”
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