Never hear the end of it
πŸ‘︎ 615
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The Trump Presidency didn't end with a bang...

...but with a WI/MI/PA!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Some guy on a tractor keeps driving past my house shouting, β€œTHE END IS NIGH!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!”

It might be farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that if you took the Eiffel Tower apart and laid each piece end to end...

you could go to jail for a very long time?

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The U.K. lockdown is going to end...

in tiers.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
And this is the way it ends
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luckytoothpick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What starts, ends, and has T in the middle?

A teapot!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-

2021

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krigito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, β€œGet out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.

The bartender says, β€œHey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”

The rope replied, β€œNo. I’m a frayed knot.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I secretly don't want 2020 the end..

Because then it'd mean 2021.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shawnshaunseans
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The end.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrValdez
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a robot do at the end of a one-night stand?

He nuts and bolts!

Edit: wow! My first Silver. You guys are amazing.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedRocketMan_Y
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What starts with P and ends with ORN, and is the best part of the movie industry?

Popcorn

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw the post about not wanting 2020 to end as it would mean that 2021...

but I am just worried that two years later, nothing will change and it will be still be the same as 2022...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AesSedai99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the most popular beauty product during end times?

Apocalipstick

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I was only going to buy one budgie, but in the end I got two.

They were going cheep.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
While playing Mortal Kombat in Sweden, what does the announcer say at the end of a fight?

Finnish Him!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillathunda1989
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My son cried when he lost his first girlfriend. I told him don't worry its not the end of the world

Just yours.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the chess player worried towards the end of his meal in a restaurant?

Because the waiter said, "CHECK?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmanMegha2909
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
"I think I have a weird fetish for the end of an essay."

"How do you know that?" "I just just came to that conclusion."

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning, my neighbour gets on his tractor and starts yelling, β€œRepent! The End is nigh!”

I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....

St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."

He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"

The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".

St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"

The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."

"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"

The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".

"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No Time.”

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with

a Re post.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
At the end of the day we can say 2020 wasn't so bad.

Because hindsight is 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClubPenguinIsLife
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...

They're fairyfocals.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
You said everything would be back to normal by the end of June...

July-ed!

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fredwardofox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Looking at a Terminix truck, the IX at the end are the roman numerals for the number nine...

Which is one more than eight. I feel this has to have been part of the name creation. β€œWe’ll do you one better than terminate, we’ll termiNINE”.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mchead22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Can the coronavirus survive on Mars if it ends up on a SpaceX rocket ?

"a lone mask" wants to know !

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend couldn’t stand my obsession with horoscopes. In the end it Taurus apart.

The irony is that I’m a Gemini.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnsobenj
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Disney is releasing a version of Tangled with an alternate ending where Rapunzel's hair isn't chopped off at the end.

They're calling it the Uncut Edition.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geodude532
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I said to my doctor "I wake up thinking I'm a penguin, and by the end of the day I believe I'm an arctic fox."

He told me I was bipolar

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Own-Initial
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
So I got a divorce at the end

My wife is really mad that I don't have a sense of direction. So I just packed my bags and right.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
All the jokes I think of end with a double preposition

I can just never think of anything else to finish them off with

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soody765
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard they were PANTing at the end of the race.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MShafiS
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Somebody was giving me a synopsis of their fan fic that includes a killer clown, a talking dog, and a flying house and at the end they said

"that about sums it-up"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wtflagnard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
At the end of a call at my job, I ask if there’s anything else I can help with.

Guy (being bugged by his kids in the background) replies, β€œYeah, can I put 9 and 12 year olds in your recycle containers?” I replied, without skipping a beat, β€œOh, no. I’m so sorry, We JUST stopped accepting those ages. We are currently taking 8 and 10 year olds.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/veelagirl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
At the end
πŸ‘︎ 189
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerblam-delivery-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If I swallow two pieces of strings, they will come out the other end tied together

I shit you knot.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/K3VLOL99
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Linkin Park have a song called Numb, but to me their In The End is Number song

It starts with 1

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arifshiddiq
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
So I told my friend I was gonna watch Cars for the first time and he told me how it ends.

Spoiler Alert.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TickLikesBombs
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I always wondered about the fight between Dio and Jotaro. Even though Dio had trained for months before facing him, Jotaro still destroyed him in the end

Ig he really didn't stand a chance

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverStoneX1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
UPS says my book on evergreen herbs from the mint family lamiaceae is going to be delivered tomorrow by end of day.

It's about thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eth0null
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The end of the Beatles boards?
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard someone played Animal Crossing: New Horizons for so long on end they conked out with the console still in their hands.

Looks like someone fell asleep at the Switch.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlastLeatherwing
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report

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