A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
How did the Easter Bunny end up in Santa's sleigh?
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
What starts, ends, and has T in the middle?
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
I was only going to buy one budgie, but in the end I got two.
Why did the chess player worried towards the end of his meal in a restaurant?
Because the waiter said, "CHECK?"
While playing Mortal Kombat in Sweden, what does the announcer say at the end of a fight?
I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with
My girlfriend couldn’t stand my obsession with horoscopes. In the end it Taurus apart.
The irony is that I’m a Gemini.
Linkin Park have a song called Numb, but to me their In The End is Number song
I went swimming today and took a pee in the deep end
The lifeguard noticed and blew his whistle so loud, I almost fell in
I always wondered about the fight between Dio and Jotaro. Even though Dio had trained for months before facing him, Jotaro still destroyed him in the end
Ig he really didn't stand a chance
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures that you end up in the cast.
I heard someone played Animal Crossing: New Horizons for so long on end they conked out with the console still in their hands.
Looks like someone fell asleep at the Switch.
Arguing with your wife is like reading a software license agreement. In the end...
...you ignore it all and click, "I agree"!
We may have Easter in spring, but in the opposite end of the year,
A guy in a tracker just drive past me yelling "the end of the world is nigh!"
Last night I told a girl " By the end of the night, I'm gonna get in your pants."
Long story short, they didn't fit.
How did that guy end up at the bottom of the well in prison?
When I was at the pool yesterday, I began peeing in the deep end
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I almost fell in
Remember how Red Skull was being consumed by fire in the end of Captain America
Guess you could say he needed a fire HYDRAnt
What is the only day that doesn't end in "y"?
Eventually, we’re all doomed to end up in super modern offices where the walls are whiteboards
The writing is on the wall
All food ends up in the same place...
Either it goes to waste or it goes to waist
I never expected the vintage movie I was watching to end with everyone doing a dance popular in the early 60s which is inspired by rock and roll.
I went in the store to get 6 sprites but in the end i picked 7 up.
In the end, Flat Earthers only have 1 thing to fear...
And that is sphere itself
Snap election in the UK? That could mean that June is the end of May!
(Theresa May is UK prime minister)
I believe if we had a race around the world, it should end in Europe...
Towards the end of December, I saw Bobby Fischer and Gary Kasparov in a hotel lobby, both saying they were the better chess player.
That's the best thing about Christmas - chess nuts boasting on an open foyer.
My daughter was acting up so I stuck one end of a piece if wire in the ground and told her to hold the other end.
How did the picture end up in jail.
Dad struggles to tread water in the deep end
I was waiting ages to play snooker the other night but gave up in the end
"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked my son. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." I answered.
I continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."
What did the Australian bartender tell the Chess player in the end?
One of my friends stole all the DVDs of my horror movie collection. In the end I decided to let him go.
However, I still hold The Grudge.
The thing to learn from spider cannibalism is that when you spin webs, in the end
Two Greek people had a poetry contest. One of them wrote an excellent poem conveying deep emotions. The other person's poem is just one-character long. In the end, the short poem won
A mathematician sold me an end table, which I put in my living room. When I came in the next day, there were over a dozen of them!
Turns out it was a multiplication table.
What US state is round at the ends and high in the middle?
Went swimming today. Took a pee in the deep end.
Lifeguard noticed. Blew his whistle so loud, I almost fell in.
How did the picture end up in jail?
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