Lego Lord of the Rings was a definitive moment for Tolkien fans

Up to that point they had been Legoless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/36chambersoffun
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."

"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."

"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."

[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."

"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."

"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "

"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."

"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)

"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."

[from NPR -- http://www.npr.org/2016/11/23/503178220/president-obamas-2016-turkey-pardon-dad-jokes-the-definitive-list?utm_source=facebook.com

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
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What is the definitive book on bread making?

The King Grains Bible

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOffendingHonda
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2016
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What's the definition of a mistress?

Something in between a mister and a mattress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Microsofte
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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I don’t like spelling the word β€œdefinitely”

I always end up spelling it defiantly

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnieringo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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They are definitely KINDER
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathyDre
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Definitely
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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I definitely feel like we didn't prepare enough for all of last year's terrible events.

But then, hindsight is always 2020.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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What do you call a group of deaf people?

I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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What's the definition of Baroque?

When you run out of Monet

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrettyPeeved
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Definitely not stolen

What Do You Call A Wreath Made Of $100 Bills?

Aretha Franklins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NidalFlame
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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What is the definition of abstract?

It's hard to explain

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2noob4u_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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High Definition Yoda be like
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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What is the definition of a will?

Come on guys it’s a dead giveaway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghastbuster95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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Now is definitely not the right time to start surrounding yourself with positive people.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_simplepotato_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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George Foreman definitely won't be getting a PS5

He's an Ex-Boxer

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themaxmethod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Some said my last post wasn't a pun. Well, this one definitely is.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarketingCoding
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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People are always telling me that β€œmean” and β€œrude” have the same definitions. So I ask them,

β€œWhat do you rude?”

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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What's the definition of a sex change?

Snip snip and Bob's your auntie.

An actual joke my dad told me.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwinTowers05
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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The definition of a pick up game.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doodynyahand
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoThruTrucks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Definitely a meltdown
πŸ‘︎ 249
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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Definitely fits here /r/Showerthoughts/comment…
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mogulzns
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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This is definitely something my dad would say
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KhaoticKorndog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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Thanks for telling me the definition of plethora

It means a lot

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Not mine but I definitely think it belongs here. /r/Jokes/comments/ixvogb/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmorris82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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They're building a mirror factory in my town.

I could definitely see myself working there.

πŸ‘︎ 317
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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She definitely is
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M-L125K0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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He definitely overworked his stick!
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Scientists definitively confirmed today that anteaters are incapable of contracting coronavirus.

This is because they're filled with anty bodies.

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/four12pls8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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It’s definitely a brownie not something else. v.redd.it/cltwr9yyenz41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mctightbuns
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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You'll definitely need an expert for that
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ELZEKO_gamer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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This definitively belongs here
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BattleSymphony
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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Dida definitely scored
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/janidwastaken
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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Rosa definitely barks!
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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What's the definition of a Wookiee?

Someone who doesn't have any expewience

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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I can't stop looking up word definitions

I need some help with my addictionary

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uniformbreak320
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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What's the definition of frustration?

A one armed man, dangling from a cliff, with Itchy balls!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/criswhitmore
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Some reorganization is definitely in order for me.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vuyfogifux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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Definitely not mine, but punny none the less.
πŸ‘︎ 607
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fear_Kitten
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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My parents told me the definition of barter the other day.

I told them that it means a great deal!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turtleking1011
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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We definitely should've done more to prepare for the pandemic.

I guess that's hindsight in 2020

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoopSign
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Most definitely stolen and a repost but sharing anyway. imgur.com/28438Sk
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Phoenix95
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
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Pun request?

Not sure if this is allowed here. But I thought I’d give it a try.

I’m buying a stand mixer for my SO’s birthday. I was looking to add a note to the gift that’s punny. β€œI hope the treats you make with this are as sweet as you”. That ones terrible. I think?

But I would definitely love some help. Thank you.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMWasap
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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What's the definition of publish?

To scrawl on a bar wall.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddiflecting
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."

"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."

"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."

[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."

"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."

"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "

"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."

"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)

"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2017
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I can't stop looking up word definitions

I need some help with my addictionary

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uniformbreak320
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the definition of a Will?

Come on guys! It's a Dead Giveaway!

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StewPaddasso
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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