I just got done writing my exhaustive dictionary of anatomy terms.
It's a significant body of work.
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︎ Apr 04 2019
I showed up to my last job interview exhausted and stoned
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︎ Apr 10 2021
Exhausted and tired
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Feeling βexhaustedβ ? Have a seat !
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︎ Feb 11 2021
I sat on the toilet, angry, exhausted, and late for work.
I said to myself, βI donβt have time for this shit.β
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︎ Feb 10 2021
People who run behind cars get exhausted.
But people who run in front of cars get tired.
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︎ Aug 11 2020
it was an emotional wedding...
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︎ Apr 26 2021
My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes.
Heβs a catholic converter.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
What does a pirate say when he takes his car into the garage with a dodgy exhaust.
" Aaaaarrrr.....she blows."
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︎ Feb 08 2021
Wife: Iβm exhausted. I was up until 4 AM with the baby.
Me: Itβs probably not a good idea to keep a baby up that late.
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︎ Jan 22 2021
Why was the gay man exhausted after a long day at the office?
Because he worked 9 hours straight.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
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︎ Apr 03 2021
A man installed on his car new brakes, bearings, crankshaft, tires and exhaust.
He took a break, he couldn't bear it.. he was cranky, tired and exhausted.
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︎ Sep 13 2020
The architect of Big Ben must have been exhausted
They were working around the clock
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︎ Aug 13 2020
Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."
My first official dad joke.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! Iβll be putting this in my little oneβs Reddit Scholarship Fund!
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︎ Jan 09 2019
I wish I was single for one day
Being single my whole life is exhausting
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︎ May 17 2021
I spent all day on the Internet looking at mufflers
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︎ May 15 2021
Guys, I had a really exhausting day yesterday, filling in forms and calculating the surplus of money I had to pay to the country.
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︎ Jul 08 2020
How did the mechanic feel after he left the muffler shop?
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︎ May 22 2021
Sebastian Vettel told this joke today in the press conference before the Monaco grand prix
There's a matchstick climbing up the hill who gets really tired and exhausted.
He sees a hedgehog on the top of the hill and says, "if only I had known there was a bus, I would have taken the bus."
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︎ May 19 2021
Car puns are exhausting
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︎ Nov 27 2019
Real story: I was talking to the Waitress at a breakfast restaurant where a Jeep wheel had just blown out the front window.
I told her she looked exhausted. When you start your day like that youβre tired all day.
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︎ May 21 2021
Last night I dreamt I was a muffler
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︎ May 07 2021
Weird dream
I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that I was a muffler and......I woke up exhausted.
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Confusius says:
Man runs after a car; he gets exhausted.
Man runs in front of car; he gets tired.
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Just remembered a classic my brother-in-law dropped after my niece was born (A couple months ago)
My mother FaceTimed me so I could show her my sister and her baby
I went into my sister's room and said, "Hey mom wants to see you. Can you say a quick hello?"
Sister: Sure but just for a minute, I'm exhausted.
BIL, without dropping a beat: Hi exhausted, I'm a new dad!
Old but gold
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︎ Apr 28 2021
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening heβs absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend βWhy I have to change my position every time?β
He replies βI know, this sub is full of repostsβ
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︎ Aug 10 2019
I'm exhausted. Just got back from the hospital
My girlfriend was really sick and the doctors said she urgently needed a blood transfusion. They asked me what her blood type was, but I had no idea. I frantically tracked my brain, trying to remember if she'd told me. She must have sensed my panic, because she looked up at me and with her final breath said, "Be positive. Be positive" She's right, though I will miss her.
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︎ Mar 29 2020
Being a parking enforcement officer has to be the most exhausting job out there.
It seems like there's always a lot to do.
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︎ Apr 10 2020
Feeling βexhaustedβ?
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︎ Feb 10 2019
Every morning I take a bike ride through the park at least twice no matter how exhausted I am...
I always push myself to recycle.
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︎ Feb 04 2020
Confucius say
Man who chase car soon get exhausted
And man who try to outrun car soon get tired
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︎ Apr 11 2021
I replaced my car's muffler today.
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︎ Apr 09 2021
A terrorist tried to blow up a bus.....
But he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe!
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︎ Apr 01 2021
Why does my motorcycle keep falling asleep?
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︎ Sep 14 2020
Iβm exhausted! When I get home from work Iβm just gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling.
This eveningβs definitely looking up
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︎ Nov 06 2019
My friend called an said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
Fixing tail pipes is exhausting work
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︎ Jul 06 2019
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
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︎ Mar 02 2021
If you run in front of a car you get tired, if you run behind a car you get exhausted
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︎ Sep 20 2018
Chase after a car you get exhausted
Run in front of a car you get tyred
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︎ Jun 08 2020
Last night I had a dream I was making love to a muffler.
When I woke up I was so exhausted.
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︎ Apr 06 2021
I had a dream last night I was a muffler.
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Last night I dreamed I was a muffler
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︎ Feb 26 2021
Running in front of a car will get you tired, but...
Running behind a car will get you exhausted
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︎ Mar 09 2021
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