The Dictators Puns

He was STALIN

Mussollaneos items

Yep! It says it right here, Hebrews.

Tyrannysu

The punanimous Declaration of the thirteen United States of Pun-merica, When in the Course of human pun-ventures, it becomes necessary for one people to loosen the comical bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the wits of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Yaws of Pun-Nature and of Nature's Pun entitle them, a decent respect to the punchlines of mankind requires that they should declare the pun-riddled causes which propel them to the separation.

We hold these puns to be self-evident, that all wordplay is created equal, that they are endowed by their Pun-ator with certain un-pun-able Rights, among these are Life, Linguistic-erty and the pursuit of Puntasticness.--That to secure these rights, Pun-ernments are playfully instituted among Puns, deriving their just laughter from the consent of the amused, --That whenever any Form of Pun-ernment becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Write of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to pull out new Wordmanship, laying its fun-dation on such punster principles and organizing its powers in such playful form as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Laugh-ety and Happiness. Prun-dence, indeed, will dictate that Pun-ernments long established should not be changed for pun-light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while pun-evils are sufferable, than to set-write themselves by abolishing the language forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long laugh-track of abuses and usurp-puns, pursuing invariably the same Pun-jectives evince a design to reduce them under absolute Pun-potism, it is their right, it is their pun-ty, to chuckle off such Word-rule, and to provide new Punderful Guards for their pun-ture posterity.--Such has been the pun-ient sufferance of these Pun-olonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Punnery. The history of the present Pun-King of Great Pun-Ain is a history of repeated punchlines and usurp-puns, all having in jest the establishment of an absolute Pun-ranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be fun-bmitted to a candid whirl of wordplay.

Vladimir Poutine

That was it, whore had been declared.

When asked to comment, officials stated that the investigation was still Kim Yo-Jongoing.

it hit despot.

Fidel Gastro.

Because they wanted to serve a greater porpoise

Please stop "stalin" and feed us.

Saddam Huss Hein?

So here's the setup: I recently started working for a taxi cab company. It's surprisingly lucrative, and a shitload better than McDonalds.

So I'm working, and I'm parked in front of a bar, hoping that a fare is gonna knock on my window, when about twenty feet or so in front of me, I see a very good friend of mine. I shout, and we spend the next few minutes shooting the breeze. A fare knocks on my window, and I driver her to where she needs to go.

After, I'm driving back to that bar, and I get a call from my friend, asking if I had another fare lined up. I didn't so he told me to come back, he's got a group for me. They get in the car, and these guys start bugging the shit out of me. Which I can handle. What I can't handle is when they start dealing each other cocaine in my back seat. At that point, I'm just livid. I tell them to give me my money and get the fuck out of my car.

Later, I chat my friend up on Facebook. I tell him that I'm super-grateful that he got me a fare, but to please not ever put those particular assholes in my car again. And since our relationship is built on surreal humor and snark, I start expanding the list. Those assholes. Colombian drug lords. Justin Beiber. Kim Jong-Un. Please, no Korean dictators.

"But what about a penis-shaped potato?"

I'll admit, that one threw me for a loop. But I tell him that potatoes are fine, regardless of shape, size, color, or type.

At that point, I could almost hear him laughing as he typed "Excellent. Instead of a dictator, I'll send you with a dick tater."

I was so pissed off I had walked straight into that one.

But could not figure out what to wear to the party. After a while the wife gets mad, runs to the kitchen and comes back out a bit later wearing nothing but a lemon between her legs.

The husband sees this, runs into the kitchen and comes back out a bit later wearing nothing but a potato hanging from his privates.

The wife gives him a weird look and the husband says, “If you are going as a sourpuss, I’m going as a dictator!”

I bet he really dictates the game

Me: "I have a question.

What are you going to rap about?"

Boss: "...Goodbye TheTimeDictator."

Grand Pa: What does Mr. Potato Head and Cuba have in common?

Me:expecting the worstWhat's that.....

Grand Pa: They both have a dictator.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

• You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
• You have a good sense of humour
• You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
• You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
• You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
• You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
• You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
• Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

• Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
• An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
• A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

Hey guys. I need help with a pun, I've been thinking about it for a while and haven't come up with it. In Portuguese you informally say "xau" when you're saying goodbye to someone (sound's almost as the Italian "ciao"). I have a friend who always makes this funny pun when we're going our separate ways, he always says "Xau-sescu" (Ceaușescu - as in the Romanian dictator) and for a few months I've been looking for a nice comeback to that pun. I was looking for a way to incorporate the name of a dictator and the word "goodbye" (in any language possible), but so far I haven't been able to. Could you guys help me out? In my native language, Portuguese, I haven't come up with anything cool (my knowleadge in dictator's names is also not very vast).

Thanks!

So I’m going to be in charge of a team for work and I need a punny team name involving one of the following words/phrases.

I want my team to be dinosaur/Jurassic Park themed and my company is called Caption Call.

I need to use something from the following list:

Caption Captioner Callers CA CAs Dictate

For example there’s another team called “Caption America”

The best I’ve come up with is “veloci-captioners” but it’s a reach...

hey guys my team is deciding on a team name on Thursday and I thought I could consult the pun masters of reddit to get the ball rolling. The name usually dictates the theme our team has for the competition and the name is usually a pun of toboggan or sled, previous examples jursled park, this one time at bogg camp, Indiana jones and the raiders of the lost sled. obviously these aren't the best puns so I feel like getting a good one would really sell it this year. thanks!

"I'll have H2O," says the 1st. "I'll have H2O, too," says the 2nd. The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

The Dictator

There was once a communist dictator who was unable to fulfill his promises of peace, land, and bread. Angered, the citizens of his country demanded he apologize and tell them his plans for the future. All night, he thought about what he would say. When he finally got on the stage, the crowd was eager to hear him — but he didn’t speak. Why?

I don’t know. He was just Stalin.

Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.

He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.

One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver “This guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."

The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."