I tended to post a lot of puns, but the puns were never in tended.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RAMI_112358
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Tended.

There isn't a pun in it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gameronomist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Tend[pun]ed
πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sum_buddy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife just complained that I've been in the garden all day tending to the herbs.

Apparently I have way too much thyme on my hands.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
If you tend sheep then you are a shepherd. If you tend cow then you are.....

The most important Dad at the annual neighborhood end of Summer barbeque bash!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MassGootz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Why do detectives tend to scrutinize individuals with bluish eyes in cases of poisoning?

Because the real killer is usually cyan-eyed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/antirabbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know bees tend to have unusual religious beliefs?

That's because they're insects

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danelius90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do Egyptian riverboat captains tend to be flat-earthers?

Because they live in da Nile.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trippy-puppy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
During covid, my orthodontist told my I should tend to my teeth by myself.

β€œHow?” I asked.

He said β€œBrace yourself.”

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnchartedQuasar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.

This phenomenon is known as many paws

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL that scientists have proven people tend to be more prideful in during summertime...

...because pride cometh before the fall.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fritz_the_Cat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
People tend to be buried underground because...

They feel like it has a deeper meaning.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Low_Connection_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Found my girl tending the beehives...

...she’s a keeper 🐝

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend told me that a very thick letter had arrived for me.

I replied, 'of course it's thick. Envelopes and pieces of paper do not tend to have a very high IQ'.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Ever notice bankers tend to keep to themselves?

They're loaners by nature.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavideoandPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
American School shooting jokes tend to be aimed at the younger audience.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigni44a
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I was tending to my garden, and carrying a large, opened bag of dirt, when suddenly I heard a big scary noise!

Safe to say, I soiled my plants.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLargeQ-mark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
People tend to be shocked when they find out what a bad electrician I am.
πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_snipeypants
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bird that tends to it's lawn?

A mow-hawk

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BedHeadBread
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
People tend to not be too fond of the movie Ferngully, but I think it just has a bat rap
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/herurumeruru
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The Rev. Spooner got the world Poker champion in to tend his vegetable plants.

He was told to 'Weed 'em and reap'

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone that tends to chickens is a real life chicken tender.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plz-dont-follow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I tend not to like orange cars with flags on the roof.

General Lee speaking.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SysAdamin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How does Father Christmas tend to his garden?

With a hoe hoe hoe.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Q: Which of your senses tend to diminish as you get older?

A: My sense of decency.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me dogs tend to pile up when it comes to this ice cream.

HaagenDogs...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LtDansBedPan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A new study has found that white envelopes tend to be delivered faster than envelopes of any other colour

I guess you could say that there's...

white mail privilege

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PinguTheBrave
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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A Sheppard came home from a long day tending his flock.

As soon as he comes through the door his wife excitedly tells him "Henry! You would never believe it! The sheep have formed a Jazz band! Isn't that great?!"

Henry, annoyed, replies "I know Mary, I fucking heard them."

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tmacker14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Shakespeare was hired by a theater to tend patrons' horses...

How did Shakespeare learn all about his new employer?

During its onbarding process.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mookmerkin
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Perfume companies tend to get wrongly accused of laundering money.

But their business is in a scent

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazymanfish90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The problems for this bear just tend to pylon. (sorry for possible repost) imgur.com/vFszd0m
πŸ‘︎ 171
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marto765
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
🚨︎ report
Lately, my wife has been complaining that I tend not to
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/citizenvane
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you say when Ed Sheeran tends to you?

'Sheeran' is Caring

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ritwiky_dicky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A weasel walks into the bar. The bartender says wow! In all my years bar tending I’ve never seen a weasel in a bar before. What can I get for you?

Pop, goes the weasel.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electricamethyst
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Really constipated people tend to keep their friends close...

...and their enemas even closer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I tend to give money to homeless people, who I find sleeping on the grass, on a winter morning.

I always give credit where it's dew.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I was fired from my job tending to the Ferris wheel without any explanation

It was a funfair dismissal

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J96x_Rob_LFC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do baseball bats tend to break near the grip on Saturdays and Sundays?

Because it's the weekend.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSygil
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I learned today that melons tend to have big family weddings.

I guess they cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KilgoreTwout
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
The idea that government tends to become too big and inefficient is a self-fulfilling profligacy.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jstclkpoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Tyrion Lannister tends to gamble his meat and mead while sitting on tall stool...

That way the steaks are higher.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you guys know that ducks are terrible in tense situations?

They tend to quack under pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do significant people tend to be fat?

Because the more mass they have, the more they matter.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ae3qe27u
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
My least favorite subject in school was ancient history.

The teacher always tended to Babylon

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swift-Carrots
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends don't like it when I play Mario Kart with them. I tend to drive them crazy.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schezoroark
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
🚨︎ report
When single women get to the age of 50, they tend to acquire lots of cats and dogs.

This phenomenon is known as many paws.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone that tends to chickens is a real life chicken tender
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plz-dont-follow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
🚨︎ report

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