20 Hilarious Take After Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

From my 8-year-old, who obviously takes after his old man: what sounds like a bark?

Silence. Tree bark doesn't make a sound.

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👤︎ u/Pour-Me

📅︎ Jun 27 2021

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After watching Hubie Halloween I realized that every Adam Sandler movie takes place in the same universe.

Unfortunately, it's the one we live in.

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/csteelatgburg

📅︎ Oct 17 2020

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My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.

"That shit is getting old," I told him.

PS: Do I get any extra credit if this is a real story?

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👤︎ u/cja1968

📅︎ Dec 19 2020

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After a long day I want to take a dump as soon as I get home, but it's not my first order of business.

That's #2 on my list.

👍︎ 50

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👤︎ u/JoeFas

📅︎ Sep 06 2020

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What precaution should you take after you break your leg in two places? /r/Jokes/comments/ijjhfy/…

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/fn000

📅︎ Aug 30 2020

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Where do you take someone after a peak-a-boo accident?

The ICU.

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/Antonioooooo0

📅︎ Jul 29 2020

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What do you do after you take a break from your online meeting?

You re-zoom it

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/samantha_pants

📅︎ Jul 21 2020

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Why would someone take a break from what they were doing after stepping on a tack?

It was a tack-xing experience.

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/TheMightyBattleSquid

📅︎ Jan 25 2020

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Why did he come home looking depressed after the doctor said he needed to take a pill everyday for the rest of his life?

The Doctor only gave him 4!...

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👤︎ u/Dartis_X-UI

📅︎ Feb 12 2020

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After one too many jokes about farm animals, my wife couldn't take it anymore. She told me to get out.

I said fine, alpaca bag.

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👤︎ u/baltinerdist

📅︎ Oct 12 2019

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After struggling to take my wife’s bra off for 20 minutes, I finally decided to give up.

I’m now really regretting having put it on.

👍︎ 125

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Aug 26 2018

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How long does it take for 2 people dating to get back together after a fight?

Couple days...

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/Calthropstu

📅︎ Oct 25 2019

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My wife and I had a huge argument as to who is supposed to take care of the laundry after it’s done.

Finally I folded.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ May 19 2019

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After my performance at the shooting gallery, the coach said, "Take a bow."

"Shooting isn't your cup of tea," he continued, "You better switch to archery."

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👤︎ u/sodomicity

📅︎ Jan 15 2019

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I was visiting my parents from out of town, after breakfast I told them, "I'm going to take a shower."

My dad said, "Make sure you put it back."

Never heard it before, but will be using it for life.

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👤︎ u/duxaosm

📅︎ Oct 01 2018

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After you make a mistake, try to take a nap

It'll look better after some Ctrl + Zs

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👤︎ u/scifried

📅︎ May 03 2017

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I'm not a dad but I take after him

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👤︎ u/tpengz

📅︎ Oct 17 2013

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So the morgue nearby claims to have the best facilities to take care of corpses after they're dead...

They must be right, as everybody is dying to get there.

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/ZSSDistortion

📅︎ Aug 30 2016

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What do you call the kind of woman you'd take home with a kebab after a night out?

Donna.

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👤︎ u/JamesDavidsonLives

📅︎ Nov 12 2016

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Wife and I picked up our 8 year old son after a school field trip to a pumpkin farm. Son takes it to the next level. Wife about leaped out of the car...

Me: What did they have at the farm?

Son: Pumpkins and gourds.

Me: Did you get to pick one out to take home?

Son: I got a gourd because it looked cool. /shows us multi colored, striped gourd

Me: Gourd for you!

Son: /slightly confused... Yes, I got this gourd.

Me: So... would you say you had a ... gourd time?

Wife: /groans

Son: Ya, I had a gourd time.

Wife: /groans again.

Wife: Really?!

Me: He gets these jokes now. He's all... gourd up now.

Wife: STOP!

Son: Oh, gourd!

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👤︎ u/shifty21

📅︎ Oct 11 2014

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