So proud of my daughter for this one... "Why do fishes swim in salt water?"

Because pepper would make them sneeze!

She's six. She's awesome.

EDIT: Woo highest rated post, thanks to my kid. Also, I never said she wrote it! She just told it to me. So there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanphi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
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My dad once told me that if I put a potato in my swim trunks, I would attract more women...

He forgot to tell me to put the potato in the front

πŸ‘︎ 252
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funny-Promise956
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
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Why are dogs able to swim so well?

They have a Good Boyancy chamber

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatGuyNextToMe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because they would sneeze in pepper water!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sleepypanda59
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
I would love to swim in an ocean of orange soda.

It would be my Fanta sea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/welltechnically7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
Two fish are out swimming when they swim into a wall.

The one fish turns to the other and says, "Damn."

The second fish replies, "No, I think it was a well."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwinTowers05
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
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What do you call a car being driven by a sheep wearing a swim-suit?

A Lamb Bikini

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πŸ‘€︎ u/studentadvisor101
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Where do vehicles swim?

The carpool.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hibus_2vy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
Why do fish swim in saltwater?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you swim in the red sea?

Marooned

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
Where do mathematicians swim?

Indices!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NomTheDestroyer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
Icarus had a lesser known brother. He wanted to swim to the bottom of the ocean.

Instead of wax, he used paraffin.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flylink63
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say when it couldn't swim any further?

"Dam"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaffynitionMaker
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
My son said he wanted to swim in an ocean someday, any ocean at all.

I told him to be more Pacific.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Why can't elephants swim alone?

Because you need a pair of trunks to swim

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?

Because pepperwater makes 'em sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Einstein invented a new way to swim?

It was a stroke of genius!

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
What does a fish say when it swims into a wall?

Dam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
I've always wanted to swim in a ocean of soda.

It's my fanta-sea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Safety_First_Guys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to take a winter swim

But after wading in I got cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks swim in salt water?

If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
I was once walking my dog along a promenade during a storm. I got chatting to a German tourist. While we were talking, my dog decided to go for a swim. It was clear he was struggling then he got dragged under. The German dived in, pulled him out and did cpr. The dog coughed then came back to life

"That's amazing" I said "how did you know to do that? Are you a vet?" "Vet?" He asked. 'of corse I'm vet. I was in zee sea"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDogBoyMark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
Where do baby hippopotami learn how to swim, eat, and socialize?

Hippocampus

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Why don't squirrels swim in cold water?

The nuts shrink.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/igi23295
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
How do moths swim?

Using the butterfly stroke.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rengokufan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cowgirl that swims?

A moomaid!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProblemoGorgon42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My son keeps trying to swim inside the house... So I came up with this idea that I’m starting to feel REALLY GOOD about.

In door fins!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherfinger420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a duck that can’t swim

A sunk

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtrasour37
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Salmon are born in a river, swim out to sea for most of their lives, and then one day years later swim back against insurmountable odds to the very spot where they were born.

And I can’t find my car in the parking lot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why wouldn't the hipster swim in the river?

It was too main stream

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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What do you call Hitler when he swims?

Adolfin.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shipostingcat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do snakes swim?

In the Hississippi river.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What can't the Finnish man swim?

Because Helsinki

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stephlightyear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?

They only have one pair of trunks.

πŸ‘︎ 389
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does the duck like to swim?

Because he’s a-quack-tic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoWasExpected
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.

Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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Sis: Don’t think we can swim looks like it may rain.

Dad: But how can it May rain in June?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teddysfather
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do heterosexual people like to swim?

Straits.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToonyCream
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do walruses swim in salt water?

Because if they swam in peppered water they’d sneeze all the time.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Juggernautx22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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How does Batman swim

With a Deathstroke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/katfrog1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What fish doesn’t swim?

Crawlfish

Courtesy of my dad

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PokWangpanmang
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
The fish swims down the river until it suddenly hits a wall.

β€œDam”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/00Steven_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
An English cat and a French cat tried to swim across a creek.

The English cat braced herself, and said β€œOne, two, three!”. The cat swam across. The French cat braced herself, and said β€œUn, deux, troisβ€―!” Cat sank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
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Two fish swim into a concrete wall...

One of them says: "Dam(n)"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roboragemachine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do call an obedient dog who loves to swim?

A good buoy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshandthewolf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Where does Dracula swim?

Lake Erie

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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My grandpa learned to swim when his dad tossed him in the river

He said it wasn't so bad once he untied himself and got out of the gunny sack.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BurntPasture
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do fish swim in salty water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathreaper27
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend thought he could swim the longest river in the world

He was in de-Nile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FistOnFire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
🚨︎ report
How deep is the pond frogs swim in?

Knee-deep, knee-deep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuggeybug
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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Egypt is a great place to swim

Don't believe me? You must be in deNile

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/launchedcar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Two fish swim into a wall

The other one turns to his friend and says "Dam".

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotComping
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomeme27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Two fish swim into a concrete wall...

The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adidasboostboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Why don't Bluetooth devices swim? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jokeusername789
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Last night, I couldn't find my normal pajamas, so I put on swim trunks.

My wife asked, "why are you wearing swim trunks right now?"

Because, I'm about to dive into bed!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rockbandit
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Where do mummies swim?

The Dead sea.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aristotleismybro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
🚨︎ report
So, The girl I am seeing was telling me about her swim meets.

She was telling me about how they worked and stuff and then says,

"Everyone has to wear their meet suits to the competitions."

So I respond, "I bet there was a lot of beef between you and the other team!"

...She groaned and said she didn't want to talk to me for the rest of the car ride.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moose_Jitsu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Why don't people swim in the winter?

Because they're too cool for pool.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdvantaJeous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
🚨︎ report
What sound do fish without I's make when they swim?

FFFFFSSSSSHHHHHH!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
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Sort of SO told me that I should swim unprotected with sharks.

I replied with "Idk, I may end up with an STD...a Sharksually Transmitted Disease."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecody17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Stopped at a motel, went for a swim, and my SO got me good.

I'm driving across the country with my SO and we're stopped at a motel right now.

It has a small indoor swimming pool so I put on my boardshorts, went for a quick swim, and hung them up to dry in the shower overnight. This morning my SO saw them:

>"They dry really quickly," she said.

>"Yup, that's what boardshorts are for," I said.

>"They don't have a lot to do?"

It took me a minute. She got me good.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kyledeb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the squirrel swim on his back?

To keep his nuts dry.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nkfallout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
🚨︎ report
[Daily Jumble] Sylvester Stallone wanted to go for a relaxing swim at the beach, but it was...

...too "Rocky".

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbbbirdistheword
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Every time my grandfather went for a swim

Random family member: How's the water Bob?

My grandfather: Wet!

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/perfidydudeguy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
🚨︎ report
You're not allowed to swim while it's raining

You'll get wet

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jalen2612
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do seals swim in salt water?

Pepper water makes them sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsureyoudo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad's favorite joke: What has two knees and swims?

A two-knee fish!

Best told in his Donald Duck voice, and always followed by him snorting with laughter.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nefariousmango
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2013
🚨︎ report
Swim Coach DadJoked Us Today

Us: Hey Coach can we catch-up relays Him: Yes, but first you got to bring the mustard

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALPHAASFUUUCK
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2014
🚨︎ report
I would love to swim in an ocean of orange soda.

It would be my Fanta sea.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/welltechnically7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
What does the fish say when he swims against a wall?

dam

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tvdb2003
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
A fish swims into a wall...

Dam.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mayrunal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks only swim in saltwater?

Because pepperwater makes them sneeze

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMc9072
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report

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