A teacher is taking roll call in a classroom of sweet potato students. The teacher asks "is John here?"

John raises his hand, "I yam."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KarateChop231
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...

Riceless

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Degtyrev
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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A few sweet puns. Candy keep them rolling? instagram.com/p/BMKnZKbD0โ€ฆ
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sketti11
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 30 2016
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Did some tasks on the wifeโ€™s โ€œto doโ€ list;

Wife: (being sweet) thank you! What am I ever gonna do without you?

Me: Everything! Without me, youโ€™re gonna have to do everything on that list.

Wife: groans and rolls eyes

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dasherjim
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Halloween Puns

Why couldnโ€™t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.


Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!


Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!


For Halloween Iโ€™m going to write โ€œLifeโ€ on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers


This Halloween, the only Candy Iโ€™m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues


โ€œHalloweenโ€ = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.


Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!


Iโ€™ll be your trick if youโ€™ll be my treat.


How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!


When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day


Whatโ€™s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!


What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood


What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us


What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A โ€œhollow-weenie!โ€


Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).


How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.



Iโ€™m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always doโ€ฆ by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,


Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, โ€œA lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?โ€ The other monster replied, โ€œBe a gentleman and roll them back to her.


The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something youโ€™re not will lead to a sweet reward.


I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, itโ€™s Election night.


I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so Iโ€™m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.


Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.


What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!


What do Italianโ€™s eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)


Why canโ€™t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.


What do goblins and ghosts drink when theyโ€™re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!


What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi


What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope itโ€™s Halloween!!


What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2017
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This incredible series of events happened yesterday...

We were in pre-service prayer time hanging out for everyone to come into the room when this conversation.

Pastor 1: "John and I were getting donuts and discussing theology..."

Pastor 2 (from another church): "glad you were having donuts, they're a holy food."

Pastor 1: "man, that joke is really sweet."

Pastor 3: "man, you guys are really on a roll."

I laughed, their were many moans and eye rolls.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kindapoortheologian
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 09 2015
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My dad dropped this one while receiving my gift from them

My dad had some icing from cinnamon rolls on his hand, so when he went to give me my gift (bike), he got some of the icing on it.

Me: "Dad, can you get me a napkin or something to wipe the icing off?"

Dad: "Why? You got a pretty sweet ride!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kortheuerm
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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Got my wife on a regular ol Tuesday night.

She had left the room and I moved her wine glass to make room for folding laundry. She returned and asked, "Where'd my glass go?" So I gave my slyest wink and said, "Scotland?" ...She thought that was so hilarious and awesome she *showered me with sweet love late into the night. *(or she groaned and rolled her eyes and we folded laundry while watching Seinfeld reruns)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Chronstoppable
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2014
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