Tostitoast!
They were doing it in a-bun-dance.
I told him, “I like the way you roll”.
Because a bun is the lowest form of wheat.
On reflection though, I don’t knead to as it would be seedy, half baked, would get me rolled, wouldn’t involve me using my loaf and would leave me open to all sort of bread based buns...
It made me sad, because I knew it was bread in captivity.
I didn't think so, it is on a knead to dough basis.
We were sitting on a little bench, watching birds going crazy over some bread that had been left on the ground. "I wonder who gave the little birds those rolls", she said.
"Probably the casting director."
I worked at a restaurant years ago.
Me: Would you like some complementary bread while you look over our menu?
Husband: Is it well bread?
Me: It's pure bread.
The wife rolled her eyes. The husband and I smiled.
Wife and I were making pasta yesterday and we have some garlic knot rolls in the freezer.
Her: do you want to make garlic bread?
Me: no, not really
Her: yeah I don't really want it either, you sure?
Me: it doesn't matter, it's not bread anyway ._.
Her: wat...OH GOD
We are eating at a steak house. My son asked why I haven't eaten the bread yet. I replied :"Because I would.fill up on bread and not have room for my steak. And that would be a mistake". Eyes rolled. I felt victorious
I dunno if anyone else's dad pulled this on them, but mine pulled this on me ALL THE TIME as a kid who enjoyed eating bread rolls.
Me: "Can I have a roll??"
Dad: "Sure, get on the floor!"
Sly bastard.
Counting down to midnight on New Year's Eve, my wife announced to the room to get ready to make a toast to the new year. I asked her if she remembered to bring the bread.
She looked at me puzzled for a second. "Bread?" she asked.
"Yeah, for the toast!" I said.
Her eyes rolled hard. My 15-year-old son laughed hard and told me, "Good one!" before giving me a high-five on it.
Dad (holding the bread basket): Do you wanna roll? Me: Yes. Dad: Well... get on the floor! Me: Dammit dad! Pass me the freaking bread!
Spent two hours at the grocery store getting a ton of food so she didn't have to make the trip. What do I get in return?
Text from GF: "This bread sticks to my teeth a lot"
My response: "DOUGH!"
GF: "Ha...... Ha...."
me: "I was hoping you'd LOAF that"
GF: "Where's the cheese emoticon?"
me: "WHEAT a second, I'll try & find one"
GF: "I'm rolling my eyes and shaking my head"
me: "No cheese emoticon... CHIBATTA call Apple & tell em to get on that".
me: "Will butter do instead? Cuz I'm on a ROLL"
No further response... will update if saga continues.
So I brought in kolaches to the office this morning for breakfast. For those that don't know, they're basically bread rolls filled with egg, cheese and whatever else you want. One of my coworkers started talking about how they reminded him of some kind of cake "with M&Ms in it."
Except English isn't his first language, so he was saying it a little weird.
Him: "You can't bake a cake with M&M in it."
Me: "'Cause you'd kill him."
There was absolutely no reaction whatsoever, so I can't tell if people were just ignoring my awful joke or if just nobody heard me.
Having Indian food with good flatbread.
Me: "I'm glad we didn't have the bread for an appetizer tonight."
Family: "What, why?"
Me: "Would have been a total Naan-starter..."
Much eye rolling and begrudging groans followed.
First off the guy calling bread back for sandwiches yelled "I have two kids and I needed a King's Roll!"
So I yelled back "I can get you a King's, but what do your children have to do with anything?" Chuckles and groans all around.
Then when I was on register:
"What can I get for you today?"
"I just need a second."
"Sorry, we're fresh out."
She just stared at me, but my coworkers laughed.
Dad: "We're going to go to the store and grabs some buns and get some bread for the hamburgers" Mom: rolls eyes
I just subscribed to dadjokes and I absolutely love it. Probably because i have the same sense of humor. Anyway here is what happened last night as I was home visiting for dinner.
My mom has spent all day preparing a glorious meal of shredded barbeque chicken, spanish rice, and corn bread (the kind of home cooked meal you just don't get in college). One of my moms absolute favorite things is cornbread and honey. so while we were sitting at the table waiting for her to get her plate she set my dad up for his moment of glory. "Is my honey on the table already?" I saw the look in his eyes he knew he had her! "No sweety I'm in my chair. I haven't had enough to drink to get on the table yet!" I laughed high fived my dad while my mom and my sister rolled their eyes.
