The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Hmm...the plot thickens
No, he covered his tracks.
(Thought of this this morning go easy on me!)
A subreddit.
...for the order of 1,000 Caramel Mach-E autos.
So they are putting the order on hold.
He definitely had a hand in it.
Today was white chick in chili.
https://preview.redd.it/d2i4dah2m1n61.jpg?width=666&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b84aeae364e9c47dd649628fc5c66a40bdc08b7d
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Because he's always a little fishy
From an email my cousin sent me:
I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.
I was kidnapped by mimes, they did unspeakable things to me.
The finest shoes are made of smooth leather, my opinion will never be suede.
A perfectionist walked into a bar - apparently it wasn't set high enough.
Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo accident! He's in ICU.
Went to this horrible bar called "The Fiddle" ... it really was a vile inn.
To the thief who stole my glasses, I will find you - I have contacts.
If any of you knows how to fix hinges my door is always open.
Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect.
Cold? Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.
If your guy doesn't appreciate fresh fruit puns let that mango.
A few puns make me numb but math puns make me number.
My friend was explaining electricity and I was like "Watt"?
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me, I was like "What the hellman?"
Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back.
Due to the quarantine I'll only be doing inside jokes.
A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
They use the good carp, bad carp method.
Doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
I have seen all the patterns.
I got angry,
'Calm down Dad, it's just a game' he said
Well, I replied
'It's all fun and games until somebody loses an 'I' '
They were staking out the joint.
it was an ironclad alibi!
I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.
The odds were against me.
Turns out the evidence was planted
It was my entire life savings,
Starting with the moment she walked through those doors.
We haven't seen her day planner in a few days.
Dad: “Well I’m no legal expert, but I suspect there’d be some trees in there.”
I just want her to come clean.
I never saw it coming, wouldn’t have suspected it
“Honey, can you hear me!?” She turned around and shouted, “For the third time, yes I can hear you!”
Sure enough, it was on her roll.
Gatorade
There suspected FOWL play
He didn't actually say it, but I know he thinks it.
The plot thickens.
The plot thickens
The plot thickens...
The plot thickens.
... but doctors have now confirmed that it was only Saturday Night Fever, and they can now assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
The plot thickens.
The plot thickens.
The plot thickens.
