I suspect my friend stole one of my gloves.
He definitely had a hand in it.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
The guy I suspect is a cannibal in the office always brings in something questionable.
Today was white chick in chili.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
"But Holmes, how did you know the suspect had swallowed the evidence?"
"Alimentary my dear Watson"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
Why is a minnow always the first suspect for a crime?
Because he's always a little fishy
π︎ 102
π
︎ Jun 05 2020
How do the fish police question suspects?
They use the good carp, bad carp method.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
I suspect my friend has an unhealthy addiction to knitting quilts.
I have seen all the patterns.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Jul 13 2020
Why did the cops mix slabs of sirloin into their suspect's marijuana cigarette?
They were staking out the joint.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
The court released the suspect on the grounds of being on an armor show on the night of the murder ...
it was an ironclad alibi!
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
The murder in the botanical garden had a very obvious suspect
Turns out the evidence was planted
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 19 2020
Our prime suspect is brassica rapa pekinensis
π︎ 32
π
︎ Dec 06 2019
I suspect my wife has a hidden agenda.
We haven't seen her day planner in a few days.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 02 2020
I suspect my maid is stealing money from my drawer, but she wonβt admit to it.
I just want her to come clean.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Jan 20 2020
kinda suspect they killed the old chef to make that joke
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 28 2019
Why are platypus always criminal suspects?
Because they fit the bill.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 22 2020
What do you call a swat team of alligators going to a suspect's house?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Sep 06 2019
My doctor suspects I'm paranoid.
He didn't actually say it, but I know he thinks it.
π︎ 65
π
︎ Aug 26 2019
My boss is making me dig through a stack of hay bare-handed to look for anything that shouldnβt be there. I suspect he dropped his wedding ring while having an affair with the new girl he hired in the pile and now he is desperate to hide the evidence from his wife who might be on to him.
But Iβm just grasping at straws here.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Mar 09 2019
Poirot arranged the murder suspects in a row in an old Roman town.
It was a Hercule line em up.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 21 2019
Cop: Did the suspect have a birthmark?
Mark: Heβs alive. So I have to say Yes.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 30 2019
My cousin got a job at the police department sketching pictures of suspects.
Apparently heβs a con artist.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 13 2019
I suspect the 12 disciples were a bunch of clowns, because they all fit in car.
Act2:1. ... they were in one Accord ...
π︎ 22
π
︎ Nov 26 2018
Cop: I think the suspects are at large.
Starbucks Barista: Huh?
Cop: The suspects are at Venti.
Barista: Oh my God!
π︎ 17
π
︎ Feb 20 2019
I found what I suspect is a long-running dad joke in a drawer at my work. It's a quarter pounder.
imgur.com/go2fngq
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Sep 03 2013
Hear about the suspect who fled into a cemetary to escape the police?
That was a grave mistake.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 23 2018
I am starting to suspect that people think Iβm ugly
Anytime there is a group picture, they always hand me the camera.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 17 2018
Police recently apprehended prime suspects.
One was released on a technicality, but two and three are still in custody.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 16 2017
What did the cop molecule say to the suspect molecule?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 07 2017
I ran into my house and screamed, "Hey kids, great news! I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects!"
π︎ 15
π
︎ Mar 13 2017
Cop 1: Did the suspect have a birthmark?
Cop named Mark: He is alive, so Iβm going to say βYes.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 08 2018
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