My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
Itβs been a week now and sheβs still not talking to me.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Honey where's my super suit
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︎ Nov 13 2020
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
... Because his parents died
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︎ Sep 07 2020
I was super lucky to get an advent calendar this year...
because you know their days are numbered.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.
I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he wonβt do that.
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︎ Nov 08 2020
My piggy bank is getting super old...
I may have to change it out.
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︎ Oct 29 2020
Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---
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︎ Sep 26 2020
My daughter just dropped a dad joke that made me super proud.
We're celebrating my daughter's 4th birthday party today. She puts her giant number 4 balloon on her head, turns to me and says "Look daddy, it's a four-head!"
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︎ Jun 14 2020
How does Super Mario get drunk?
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Super important
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︎ Apr 23 2020
Why is Toad the most popular character in the Super Mario World?
Because he's a real fungi!
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︎ Sep 16 2020
I told my son that the Super Bowl is next week. He said, "Cool! I wanna watch!"
I said, "Why? You're cell phone tells time."
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︎ Sep 04 2020
Super Nintendo chalmers
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︎ Jul 13 2020
Thereβs only one super hero who can get into this frozen dinner
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Everyone was super stoked at the surgeon ward party.
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Most people really hate when cars have a super reflective wrap, they think itβs too showoffy.
Personally, I can see myself in one of them.
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︎ Aug 08 2020
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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︎ Apr 17 2020
I accidentally made a joke about super smash bros
I didn't nintendoe do that
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︎ May 19 2020
How does French Super Mario tell his fortune?
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︎ Jun 11 2020
I miss Cubs baseball so much that I asked my kid to build me a super realistic Wrigley Field in Minecraft.
She did a great job, because just like the real Wrigley these days, the only seats I could afford had blocked views.
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︎ Jun 28 2020
Deep in the villainβs super secret base
Deep in the villainβs super secret base, he noticed that his 10β concrete filled steel walls looked bare. He asked his minions why was there no large, artistic rendering of his terrifying logo hanging behind his desk.
His minions replied, βWeβve tried everywhere, but weβve been unable to find a sketchy artist.β
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︎ Jul 07 2020
What do you call a clever yet contemptible Brit who makes chocolate and candy in a super-secret factory?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 01 2020
Did you hear about the middle eastern super hero?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 06 2020
Super, man
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︎ Feb 27 2020
I just accidentally super-glued my thumb and index finger together!! At first, I started to panic, but then I remembered that...
...itβs always going to be okay...
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︎ May 16 2020
Who's the fastest super hero?
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︎ May 02 2020
Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl shouldnβt be a metaphor for pooping
It should be a metaphor for constipation
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︎ May 05 2020
My YouTube video about Covid-19 is super popular.
Itβs viral and spreading rapidly.
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︎ Mar 25 2020
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︎ Jan 27 2020
Thank god Canadaβs not the global super power
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︎ Jan 17 2020
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︎ Jan 14 2020
What company owns the rights to Super Bowl 59?
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︎ Apr 19 2020
Super moist van
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︎ Oct 21 2019
If the Super Bowl went into overtime, does that mean the first 4 quarters were just a really long commercial since the game was Tide?
I really hope Tide had another commercial ready just in case.
Edit: Thank you for the Reddit Gold, kind stranger! My first!
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︎ Feb 06 2018
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
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︎ Dec 02 2019
What do you call a flatbread with super powers?
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︎ Jan 14 2020
What explains βSleepy Joeβsβ explosion of success on Super Tuesday, after never having won a primary in multiple previous campaigns?
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︎ Mar 04 2020
Itβs Super Tuesday
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︎ Mar 03 2020
Why isnβt there a super hero that instead of being bitten by a spider and getting a spider sense, gets bitten by lice and get a lice sense to kill?
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︎ Oct 19 2019
My friend Adam was telling me how, in addition to marrying a hot super model whose daddy bought the house he lives in and the car he drives just for marrying his daughter, he was also sexing up a hot stewardess. I found it hard to believe...
Because Adams make up everything!
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︎ Nov 20 2019
Super hot sex tape
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︎ Sep 07 2018
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