The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.

It was littering.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Two potatoes are standing on the street corner. How do you know which one’s a prostitute?

The one with the stickers that says IDAHO πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘︎ 370
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JennJenn5436
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A magician is walking down a street...

and he turns into a bar.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWhizzleteat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Two men are going down the street, one runs into a bar..

The other one ducks.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWhizzleteat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant hole suddenly appeared in the street next to us.

The cops are currently looking into it.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
It's a bit embarrassing to admit on here, but I was once attacked by a whole bunch of street Mimes..

..and they did some unspeakable things to me.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I hate taking this street during L.A Rush Hour. The traffic is killer.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ecstatic_Box_8919
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?

It's mime blowing

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shangheineken
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My career as a street fighter didn't last very long.

I broke my hand punching a curb.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the street?

Because he got stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DinoRugido24
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw a construction cone doing weird dances in the street and wearing a clown hat. I asked the construction crew that that cone is made from.

They replied, "sili-cone"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
An ice cream van crashed in the street today

The whole area is coned off.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Two pretzels walk down the street.

One was a salted.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brunchminded
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A person sees someone walking in the street without a mask. Frustrated, he goes up to him, stops at two meters away and angrily mutters through his mask,

"People like you make me sick!".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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My dog has been chasing a guy on a scooter down the street.

I took the scooter away from my dog.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I always wondered why the the bakery down the street went out of business.

It turns out they were using Naan starter.

An actual variation on a joke my father said.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Choncc87
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
A child and his father are walking down the street when the child asks...

"Dad, what does being drunk feels like?"

"Well son, you see those four trees over there? If you were drunk, you'd see eight trees."

"Dad, there are only two trees."

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinit9
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried street racing once and lost.

I was out of breath after two blocks, but the street kept going for miles.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Wheuss
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I exercise by running up the street and knocking on all the doors....

Jehovah's Fitness.

πŸ‘︎ 171
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
The world leading expert on wasps is walking down the street when he passes a record store. /r/Jokes/comments/ngw5zr/…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/General_Georges
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I was out by the street trying to hitchhike but every single car I stuck my thumb out for just passed me by. I began to wonder if it had something to do with the cargo shorts I was wearing.

So I went home and put on some carstop shorts, and had much better success at hitchhiking after that.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copenhagen_bram
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I dropped my PB&J sandwich on the street the other day.

T'was a traffic jam.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punchedbyafalcon
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Street sweepers may seem slow, but they're actually really fast.

They're always going "broom, broom."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goofon
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that a judge has demanded Dr. Pimple Popper grab any person off the street and remove pus-filled sacs within their skin?

It's a seize and de-cyst order!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
There was a kidnapping down the street.

But his mom woke him up.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BethJ2018
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I was offered to have a street named after me, but I said no because I remembered

No one crosses me and lives

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OldHamToasty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the goldfish 🐠 cross the street.

It did not because it can't walk.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightfuryangel
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an ex pimp who lives on the streets?

Hoemless

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icantgivetitwanks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What covid vaccine did Sagat from Street Fighter take?

Pfizer! Pfizer! Pfizer!

Sagat Tiger

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChadRStewart
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I was driving my new Toyota down the street and some kid said 'sick car'

I replied, "thanks, I'll get it tested for Corollavirus".

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmokeRingHalo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A magician was walking down the street

Then he turned into a shop.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/db720
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I was walking down the street and I heard someone saying hello in Arabic.

Turns out it was a false salaam.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
The prosthetics store down the street ran out of stock...

Things are really getting out of hand...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vin135mm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy stopped me in the street the other day to ask why I was carrying a 9ft book.

I said "It's a long story".

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I said to my therapist that I feel a little paranoid with Back Street Boys, and he said...

Tell me why

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grunky06
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I fell in love with my neighbor across the street.

It didn't work out. It was a lawn distance relationship.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homepreplive
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I was asked who my favorite vampire is. I said β€œthe muppet from Sesame Street”

They told me β€œhe doesn’t count!”. I replied β€œI assure you he does”.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
The wizard in my campaign just got handed a whole bunch of random, unlabeled Sesame Street videos.

He's going to learn how to count or spell.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I was walking down the street and ran into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do asteroids have good street smarts?

Because they have comet sense

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Two pretzels are walking down the street

When one is suddenly assaulted

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A man is walking down the street

when he notices a hot, busty woman on the sidewalk. He approaches her and says, "I'll give you a thousand dollars if you let me bite your nipples." Naturally the woman was reluctant, but concluding that she really needed the money, she agreed. So they go into an alley, she lifts up her shirt and unhooks her bra. He proceeds to bury his face in her breasts, moving and shaking his head. After a full minute of this, she says, "Well? Aren't you going to bite them?" He walks away, saying, "Nah... that's too expensive."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ir9199
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I grew up on a street with a lot of friction

You could call it a rough neighborhood

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
A man is walking down the street holding a bag of pasta upside down...

And then the penne dropped.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.

They said, he doesn't count!

I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
One day, two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was a salted.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ourmandoislit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report

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